Do I have to send out Save-the-dates?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
7281 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

100% okay to skip save-the-dates 🙂

Post # 4
1644 posts
Bumble bee

@nyan-nyan:  Not only “okay”, but preferable. Your plan of paying personal attention to your out-of-town guests instead of sending them a commercially-printed flyer is exactly what traditional etiquette would recommend.

Post # 5
5460 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

We skipped them.  They are completely optional.

Post # 6
2209 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@nyan-nyan:  Hey date twin!  Save The Dates are never required, but Memorial Day is a fairly popular holiday weekend, and the unofficial start to Summer, so lots of folks make plans far in advance.  So, that’s something to think about. 

If you have email addresses for most of your guests you could always send a virtual Save The Date and get something printed for the few who aren’t ‘net savvy.

Post # 7
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@nyan-nyan:  Since it’s Memorial Day weekend then I would definitely send some sort of Save the Date.  You can order postcards pretty cheap on Vistaprint and send those.  Even if people aren’t traveling to your wedding, you will want them to be reminded that your wedding is coming up that weekend so they don’t forget and make other plans.  Nothing wrong with virtual save the dates either if you need to save the money.

Post # 8
8677 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

We sent out invitations a smidge early. Invitations have the date on them and work just as well as a save the date. I think sending out two items just for a date is silly.

Post # 9
10902 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Save-the-date notices are a modern convention that is completely unnecessary.  In my opinion, they actually have the potential to create  difficulties, especially if couples are in a hurry to send them out prior to really working through the details of their budgets.  There are threads in which bees have described having to cut their guest lists after  having sent save-the-dates, as well as threads where bees have told stories of having had a falling out with someone subsequent to sending him or her a save-the-date notice many months prior to the wedding.

I was married on a Friday night of a holiday weekend, and my wedding was semi-destination for everyone — including DH and his friends (three hours away), my local friends and me (an hour and a half away), and all of the rest of our family and friends, some of whom had to drive for many hours or fly from other parts of the country to be with us on our special day. We did not send save-the-dates.

@Hyperventilate:  We did this also.  We mailed our invitations about 12 weeks prior to our wedding, nine weeks prior to our reply date.  This worked well for us.

Post # 10
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

I sent mine as email attachements. I know that’s not the most elegant option, but I tried to design pretty ones and I’m broke, so there you have it.

I sent them out yesterday and have only had a few glitches (wrong emails, “out of office” replies, lol, and one or two people who couldn’t open them. I have received lots of nice comments about the actual STDs, as well as some general idea of who may be coming, which is awesome for planning.


Post # 11
1626 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

We skipped them. FI’s family is in California and FMIL was so excited about the wedding she could hardly contain her blabbing to everyone about it. No Save The Date needed, FMIL took care of it for free.

Post # 12
480 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

We skipped them. I made a facebook event for friends who were on there and verbally told family and other friends. Not the most classy but noone seemed to mind and people remembered so it worked.

Post # 13
1470 posts
Bumble bee

I’m seriously considering skipping them. My wedding is in 5 months, we just got engaged last month and I’m just not sure we have time. Maybe just try and get your invitations out as soon as possible?

Post # 14
10748 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

I’ve never thought STDs were necessary. If you’re inviting these people to the wedding, chances are you talk to them regularly enough that you can mention the date to them anytime. I didn’t do them, and I’ve never received one either.

Post # 15
650 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - EDD 06/12/2016

@nyan-nyan:  save the dates are totally optional!! If we didn’t have extra room in our budget, we wouldn’t have done them. 

Post # 16
150 posts
Blushing bee

I think it’s completely optional. But, at the same time, you don’t need to spend a lot. I spent about $40 for a little more than 70 cards using vistaprint – of course I used coupons. The cost includes stamps. We did it a month after we got engaged because our engagement is short – 7 months. We got feedbacks that it was helpful.


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