- 7 years ago
- Wedding: June 2011
I don’t want to make this too wordy or complain too much… BUT do I have to thank his parents in the program or can we just thank mine?
Here’s the situation:
My parents are paying for everything. I mean, everything. His parents haven’t helped with a single thing and don’t seem to have any intention to. His mom said that they would cover the rehearsal (his parents are divorced) but that they had to split it down the middle. Seems fair. She told my FI that he needed to call his dad though and find out what he could spend.
A little background on the parents- his mom works a lot, has money saved up (she’s a little selfish with it). His dad just lost his job a few months ago (for political reasons) and has been offered a few other jobs but doesn’t take them. Instead he took a road trip across the country with friends and is now home doing nothing. His dad has no bills, hardly any debt except back child support. But for some reason never has any money. (Once he asked to borrow money from FI for a car part, and then started using it for other things without even asking or telling him he kept the number and was using it.)
So anyway, his father knew that he was supposed to call him to discuss the dinner and never did and wouldn’t answer the phone when FI called him. His mother wouldn’t make a move until his dad did something. So our wedding is a little over 2 months away and nothing has happened and they refuse to talk about it. (But they have no problem what so ever to call and add more people to the guest list.) I never asked for anything fancy- we talked about doing it at a wharf and serving sandwiches.
So, as we are getting down to the wire my mom is getting nervous because all the places in our town are getting booked quickly. So this past weekend my parents said that they will cover the rehearsal dinner as long as his parents give us some money towards our honeymoon like they were planning on doing (and can’t now.) His mother loved the idea (of course!) that she didn’t “have to deal with your dad on this” (even though she never even offered to talk with him about it and put my FI in charge of doing it). She said they would come up with something for the honeymoon, but promptly changed the subject. (OH, and keep in mind we have been engaged for 4 years so there has been plenty of time to save for this.)
I understand that FI should have kept trying to talk to them, but they make it very difficult. (His dad will pass the phone off to his little sister and then leave the house.) He doesn’t like to discuss these uncomfortable issues with them. His parents love their kids, but they haven’t ever supported them, encouraged them, or provided very well for them in any way.
SO back to my original question- everything for the wedding has been done by myself and my parents- all the planning for the wedding and the rehearsal, all the support, the help with the honeymoon, and coordinating everything for us has been done by my mom and my dad. His parents never offer to help, never call, never do a single thing. They avoid it all and just keep adding guests as if they forget money is involved.(FI is even buying the clothes for his dad to wear because his dad would show up in overalls and a straw hat.)
I feel that if I thank his parents on the program it’s almost doing a disservice to all the work my parents have done- since it has all been on them. Can I just thank my parents or would that look bad? Can I thank my parents in a huge thank you and then just thank his parents for raising the wonderful son they did? I am going to hate it if at the rehearsal everyone thanks his parents (when they didn’t do a thing) and if people tell them what a wonderful wedding they put on when all they are going to do is show up.
They aren’t the type who would ever say anything if there wasn’t a thank you to them… but I don’t want to upset anyone, but I want it to be known how much work was done by my family and not his. It sounds petty, but I am so frustrated with his parent’s lack of responsibility and being childish.