- 3 years ago
I didn’t really come from a healthy family and didn’t ever expect to be in a good relationship, but I’ve been dating a guy for more than two years now. But every step of our relationship seems to be a problem. We’re long distance, so the little things really mean a lot to me. I feel like I’m being dramatic but I don’t know if my feelings are right or wrong. I really need some advice. It just seems like hes blown off every big milestone. But what I’m most annoyed about is the proposal.
First let me say, I took a trip to see him in summer of 2012. He kept hinting at a proposal, talking about surprises, about me bringing clothes for a nice dinner, etc. We had spoken about engagement a lot and I’ve thrown my opinion out there on what rings I liked too. So I was totally expecting it. But nothing ever happened. Huge bummer. I really felt like he lead me on and it really upset me. Most of my friends were teasing about how I’d be coming back with a ring and I thought so, too. So we fought about it (a lot) after the trip. And finally he proposed (after I nagged him) online a month or so later. That really blew up in my face.
The next trip was supposed to be the proposal with the ring. He knew the exact ring I wanted and I totally let him have control and surprise me however he wanted to do it. During our entire relationship he had always talked about proposing to me in some really romantic way to show how much he loved me.
Well, as soon as we got into the car to drive to his place from the airport … I noticed the ring box sitting in the cup holder. I couldn’t not say anything. He obviously just kind of left it sitting out. So I asked what it was. And he said something like, oh thats for you and handed me the box… I opened the box and kind of looked for a minute and he had this really insincere comedic voice as he asked if I’d marry him.
Immediately I wanted to say no. He really caught me off guard. But I said yes. I was going to stay there with him for three weeks and I didn’t want the trip to be ruined. So I just said yes. Right off a 12 hour flight and exhausted wasn’t really how I wanted to be proposed to. Not to mention there was no grand speech, no celebratory *anything* during those three weeks, and he didn’t even put the ring on my finger. It just bothers me. We planned the trip months ahead of time.
Its been about six months since the proposal and he knows that I’ve been really let down by it all. I keep expecting him to make it up to me somehow or say something that will make me feel better. But he just hasn’t come through.
My problem is that I don’t know what to want. I grew up in a really terrible enviornment. I didn’t do anything like go to prom or celebrate birthdays. I didn’t really have a childhood. So now that I’m older, I really want those memories of saying I love you for the first time. And proposals with someone on one knee. Its twisted, but when he hasn’t come through with the “average” (or minimal) things, I automatically think “why don’t I deserve the minimum?”.
I feel like its really obvious that I’m being dramatic about it. But I’d really appreciate someone’s advice.