Do I have unreal expectations?

posted 3 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 2
5162 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

polkadot332:  I’m sorry you didn’t get the proposal you wanted.  🙁 

I can relate, because I had a similar experience.  My (now) DH told me he wanted to do the proposal, knew clearly that I didn’t expect anything elaborate or expensive but just something that showed he’d put some thought and love into it, had ample (AMPLE) opportunity to make it special, but didn’t.  I was really disappointed and a bit bitter for a few months. 

I think you need to ask yourself a few questions:

1) Other than the proposal, are you confident (with good evidence) that this is the man you want to marry?  If no, that’s the real problem.  If yes, proceed to question 2.

2) At the root of it, is your concern really that this lack luster proposal means he doesn’t really want to marry you?  Maybe you are worried that you pressured him into it.  If yes, you need to have an honest discussion with him about your concerns.  That could be a signal of a real problem, or it could just be a signal of a man who’s not good at romance.  If that is not your concern, then proceed to questions 3.

3) Can you be happy and fufilled with a man who is not terribly romantic?  If no, then you’ve got a problem.  But if you can live with a man who doesn’t have a strength in the romance department, and this unhappiness doesn’t stem from worries about the actual relationship, it’ll be fine. 

I was resnetful for a few months after my proposal, but I’ve let it go and it doesn’t bother me anymore.  We are now married and very happy.  Honestly, getting married well get you over the proposal thing because people stop asking you about it.  And for me, it was clear how enthusiastic my husband was to actually be married, he was just really uncomfortable with a lot of the romantic gestures that surround the whole engagement. 

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