Do I Invite His Family to Showers? Torn!

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1466 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Coral99:  If his counselor has completely put the kabosh on it, then that’s the final say. However, maybe you should discuss it with your premarital counselor. They will probably have some helpful advice. Most importantly though, you need to do whatever is right for FI. 

 

Usually I would say you always invite family regardless, but in this situation the counselor kind of vetoes that for your FI’s sake. So, I think you and the counselor should discuss it. 

ETA: I don’t think you can really invite part of him family but not the other part. But, on the other hand, maybe you can. Just explain to this person that it is not in the best interest of FIs health for other family to come. But if you can’t trust them to do that, then I would just not invite any of his family. 

Don’t you love it when the parent isn’t being the adult?!

Post # 4
Member
4076 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

In your case I’d just invite the one aunt that apologized, and none of the others.. they  have clearly shown they don’t want to be included.

Post # 5
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Etiquette Snob here… lol

Traditionally when the Bride & Groom were from the same area, oftentimes Showers would invite BOTH sides of the family.

But as the world grew, and people moved farther apart, and young people went out on their own into the world to pursue education / careers etc, it became more likely that a Bride & Groom would come from different places

In which case, now a majority of Showers are one-sided, and given for the Bride’s Family & Friends solely

(No matter where the two families reside)

In light of this… and the fact that you two as a couple are quite clearly having “issues” with his side of the family there is NOTHING WRONG with you giving a List of Potential Invitees to whomever the Host is… and not including anyone from his side.

(If you are close to the Hostess, you might want to mention, that relationships are currently strained with his side … and you would “prefer” if she respected your wishes, and that she stick to the list)

In reality, whomever is the Host gets to set the Guest List.

And you as the Guest of Honour, would have to be gracious.

But chances are your Hostess won’t disappoint you.

In this modern reality, it is also totally acceptable for the Groom’s side to also Host a Bridal Shower for you

(Very common if the Parents live in two different cities, and is done when the Bride & Groom come for a visit sometime before the Wedding)

Lol, but considering the circumstances of your relationship with his side, I am guessing we could say that chances of that happening will be slim to none…

😉 *wink*

So consider yourself “off the hook” Etiquette wise on this one.

Hope this helps,

 

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