Post # 1
I have a major DILEMA. I read about the plus 1 rule but I think my situation is different. I have 2 brothers 1 is married and the other one has only been with his GF for about a month. I do not want neither at my wedding, i will explain why….
My brothers wife had an affair and had a baby from someone else, my brother forgave her but non of our family has. She is not allowed at my parents home and I don’t want her at my wedding.
My other brother GF is also not allowed at my parents home because she is a drug addict and disrespected my father.
Both my brothers will not attend my wedding if their significant others are not invited. I do not need drama at my wedding.
What would be the right thing to do? 🙁
Post # 3
your brother’s wife should be invited — she’s family, whether you like it or not. for your other brother, wait and see if they’re still together in april or may when you’ll send invites out. chances are they’ll have broken up, so there’s no use worrying about it now.
Post # 4
@Anners5: If your brother has forgiven his wife why can’t you? She wronged him, not you or your parents. You all need to stay out of their marriage. Either invite them as a couple as is proper and polite or don’t invite them.
As for your brother with the girlfriend of one month, you are not obligated to invite her if you’r enot offering +1s to any other single guests.
Post # 5
Well, do you want your brothers there? I would rather deal with some crazy girls than not have my own brothers at my wedding.
Also, etiquette-wise, not inviting someone’s WIFE is rude. They are a social unit whether your family chooses to respect that or not. As far as brother with the GF – if they are still together then I think it would be rude not to invite her either.
Post # 6
If your brother has forgiven his wife I don’t see why you would exclude her (theres probably more to this story). As for the girlfriend, you are not obligated to invite her.
Post # 7
If you dont invite the wife be prepared to lose the brother or very severely damage that relationship. He chose to marry her and forgive her. You should support is decision whether you really like it or not. Its not your decision whether he forgives her or not, but it is your decision whether you try to be a sister to your brother. People make mistakes, big ones, and some learn from them. Give your brother the benefit of the doubt that he has made the right decision in forgiving his wife and support him- whether or not your family does.
You don’t have to invite the girlfriend. Tell your brother the plus 1 “rule”, he may be mad, but as long as you are consistent with your rule then he can’t be portrayed as the bad one.
Post # 8
ugh this sucks all the way around! but if they have more kids, you want to see them right? I’d at least talk to your brother about it all. She may not be ready to take your whole family. Besides it’s like 7mos away…. it could take care of itself.
The drug addict g/f on the other hand eh …. you never know how she’s gonna show up, i wouldn’t invite her. Talk to your brother explain that your not inviting people dating less then a year for the budget reasons. Chances are she won’t even be around by the time your wedding rolls around.
Post # 9
Personally speaking, i wouldn’t want that woman at my wedding, either so i know where you’re coming from. but she’s your brother’s wife, like it or not, so be prepared for that to mean that if you don’t invite her, your brother may not show up, too.
Post # 10
Yes you can say there is more to the story. I really do not care who my brothers are with but I feel I do not need to be involved in it. Me and my brothers still talk but we just don’t talk about her.
Post # 11
Well no one can give you proper advice if you dont tell the whole story.
Post # 12
Well that is just in a nutshell. I would need a very long page. lol. Our family does not tell him anything, we let him make up his own decisions. We do not get involved when he comes to my parents home him and the kids only show up. She usually waits in the car with her baby.
Post # 13
Sorry, but you still have to invite your brother’s wife. She may choose not to come, but you can’t not invite her, regardless of the history.
The other brother’s girlfriend is up to you.
Post # 14
I don’t need the whole story. You asked two clear and simple questions.
In reverse order, I suggest waiting until it is time to mail the invitations to see of brother # 2 is still with the drug using girlfriend. If he is, I would speak directly to him to say that other people are not getting a plus one unless they are in a committed relationship, but because he is family “Does he want his girlfriend invited”? If he does, I would invite her and pray for her best behavior.
Re brother # 1, I think your brother needs your support. You don’t have to be BFF’s with his wife, But SHE IS HIS WIFE AND HE HAS CHOSEN TO STAY WITH HER. If your brother had an affair, would you or your parents ban him from your home? If not, then I suggest you take the high road and treat her civilly and invite the two of them to your wedding.
Post # 15
I guess my question is a bit off topic but how the heck are they gonna explain all this to their children and to her baby?
I do agree with everyone else here. As much as it sucks, I do think you have to invite his wife. I know it is difficult but maybe your wedding can be the event that starts to help everyone heal.
Post # 16
That was my question to, cause it is sad but that baby will have issues when she grows up.
As for inviting her i guess i need to but i am HOPING she will not go. I know if i was her i will NOT go but I am a different person.
I doubt the healing part, because she still to this day treats him bad as if he made a mistake but it was her.
Thank you for the input it really has helped 🙂