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It sounds like you need to weigh out will it kill you if you do or if you don't invite him. My father passed away a few years ago but there's no way I would have ever involved him in my wedding and that would have been akward for sure. (alcohol was a major factor involved in this issues as well) Yes maybe you'll hurt his feelings but will it hurt yours and make your day miserable having him there? These are serious things that you have to search deep inside and figure out. Is there any part of you that wants him there? Is there anyway to tell him you want him there but only if he doesn't drink? I'm sorry you have to deal with that! Good luck keep strong!
Unfortunately, this is a decision you are going to have to make on your own. I know the decision is a tough one because I also have similar issues with my father. I decided that it would be best for everyone if he did not come to my wedding, so I am not going to invite him. I am not going to tell him about the wedding either. For my situation, it is just better that way. You just need to weigh the good things with the bad things and make your decision from there.
Well....It's kind of hard to tell you what you should do because everyone is so different. I'm one of those people that will move forward without looking back. People make mistakes.
How about you have a discussion with him? Let him know how you feel about the situation. I know it's prob easier said than done, but you need to let him know how you feel about this. Otherwise you'll always have that white elephant in the room any time you're with him. Open up to him and perhaps he will actually realize how much he has hurt you in the past and will make a change. If not permenant, atleast for the wedding, if you invite him
I'm in an almost identical situation! My father isn't invited.
the thing is I have tried to talk to him many many times. I even suggested family counseling and he flipped out and hung up on me. He is so selfish that even if I asked him not to drink or for him to be on his best behavior he would get defensive. I talk to him on the phone but I'm really doing it so he doesn't bug me. I am not saying that I don't love him b/c he is my father. I have tried to put the past behind me but we can't move forward until he owns up to his mistakes and he would never apologize. We had a huge fight when I got engaged bc he felt my FI should have asked him for my hand but for what? He didn't raise me and has nothing to do with the woman I am today. It's crazy b/c their are way more cons then pros but that doesn't make it any easier.
You said it "he has never been a father to me" so why the invite? I know it seems harsh but I know the feeling of not having your dad around, People ask me "are you inviting your dad?" and my answer is always "why would I?" so you yourself have to weed out the pros and cons.
Honestly it sounds like you'll be better off not inviting him. You did mention that he isn't pleasant to be around. Just because someone is blood-related does not in any way obligate them to an invitation to your special life events. He had the opportunity to be a part of your life and chose not to on many occasions so he doesn't deserve this honor now.
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My Mom and Father got divorced when I was 2 b/c my father got involved in drugs and became abusive to my mom. My Mom has since forgiven him b/c my Mothers side of the family are very forgiving people. (side note my Father is totally not forgiving so I'm in the middle) Well my dad lived with his mother after that and while I spent many weekends there my father was not around b/c he was mission (need i say more). So my mom was a single parent and did everything for me with NO help from my father. We don't have a good relationship b/c he has never been a father to me but he is in denial about our relationship and tries to act like things are great in front of other people. He has been clean from drugs for several years but is very loud and rude. He dropped illegal drugs for alcohol and he isn't pleasant to be around. Do I invite him to my wedding and risk feeling like he is going to do or say the wrong thing and ruin my day? My Mom's family says that I am a forgiving and good person and that it would kill him if I didn't. But when should I say enough is enough? He never cared about my feelings should I care about his?