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I wouldn't come if my FI was not invited to the wedding. I think your FI has very valid concerns about his friends not coming if their SO's are not invited. I understand that you don't like these girls but I think you might have to invite them.
You say that they are fairly new relationships but that they were rude to you 3 years ago?
I think that if you make up a rule for plus ones, it needs to apply to everyone and not just these 2 girls. Our rule was no plus ones unless they were in a long-term serious relationship or they were living together. Something like that would be perfectly acceptable.
I'm so sorry you have such toxic people in your life. I wouldn't want these "ladies" around me either. If it does become a huge issue, you may just have to be the classy one and just let them come. Maybe them being there with your FIs friends will make them watch the bitchiness. Guys don't generally deal well with petty, girl-crap.
@accorn: Sorry I didnt make it sound very clear 
- they were like this with me before they got with my FIs friends - we live in quite a small town and people all know each other - it just so happens that these 2 girls are now dating my FIs friends
@zippylef: I see what you are saying - I keep swaying between taking the higher ground and inviting them and letting them see me looking all beautiful and happy on my big day lol (after all they are total jealous bitches it would totally annoy them) and then feeling so adamant about the fact they were so nasty to me and upset me so much that I am not having them there and I feel so stubborn about it! My wedding is in June though so want to get invites sent out by the end of this month, I need to make a decision I suppose 
You are supposed to treat social units as, well, social units. People in relationships should be invited as a couple, truly single people do not need to be afforded a plus one.
I think that if they are serious partners to your FI's friends and others will be allowed dates you should invite them. Plus, I wouldn't want to rekindle a feud between them since they could possibly be around for the long haul. Plus, you wouldn't exactly be making friends with your FI's buds by doing this either. I wouldn't want to start my marriage off by having bad feeling between FI's friends and I.
Honestly, I see what PPs are saying, but if one of these girls threatened you with violence in the past- I definitely think an etiquette exception can be made.
Your fiance should recognize how abusive these people were/are and agree not to extend the plus ones. You said their relationships are new, and I think if you know his friends well, it would not hurt to write them a letter or invite the guys over for dinner/coffee and explain your position as to their abuse like an adult. If they refuse to see why it makes you wary, it is up to them whether to come or not. May I also suggest approaching the girls and asking for a conversation in which you can discuss the issues and request an apology before invitations would be extended?
I would not invite them to my wedding, ettiquette bedamned. If your FI feels he must explain to his friends, he can tell them the truth or tell them that he wants them with him at these events without the hindrance of gfs or blame it on space constraints. Whatever.
People are not entitled to a plus one. Not just single people but anyone who is just "dating someone". I see that many bees decide that their plus one for guests is only married, engaged or living together. With that being said, there is the rare occassion where you have a serious couple who has been dating for 3+ years and still not living together for whatever reason but that can be handled on a case to case basis. I think you are TOTALLY justified and actually have a legit excuse to give FI friends without starting any trouble. They can speculate all they want about why they were not invited but at the end of the day, it's up to you and FI. There is NO WAY I would invite them but thats just me.
I agree completely with zippylef, dashwoodgirl and Chix. Someone's who threatened you shouldn't be at your wedding! However- I like dashwoodgirl's idea about getting together before the invites go out- I can't tell from your posts if you've recently been around these women, and if anything has improved. Plus ones aren't a given- one of my best friends only invited one dating couple to her 140-guest wedding, and that was a bridesmaid who was in a year-plus relationship (all other couples were engaged or married).
yea if they have been dating less than a year i wouldn't invite the girls.
this is tricky. I am sorry to have such a messy situation.
Firstly, If i wasn't invited to my FI's friends wedding i would be upset, and I am sure my FI wouldn't want to go on prinicple.
BUT...
I don't want to dismiss abuse- but how have these 'girls' been treating you since dating ur FI's friends? Have they matured? I am sure we have all done stupid things, and made people upset and hurt at some point in thier lives. Have they grown up? have they ever apoligized? If that is a no. I would seriously discuss this is your FI. there is no reason to feel scared intimidated on your wedding day.period.
I was hurt emotionally by people in my town, but (after counselling) i was able to confront them with how i felt. They had no idea that they had affected me so much.
@fayrhiannon: DO NOT INVITE THEM. Claim budget reasons/wanting a smaller wedding.
You need to talk to your FH and let him know how you feel. Furthermore you need to talk to his friends and let them know NOW a plus one WILL NOT be extended.
If they must come, put them in the back behind family hehehehe
I would not invite any person, no matter who they are if they bullied & or threatened me in any way! Sorry but I wouldn't. Call me a rude person or what have you but no one would have been at my wedding that said they was going to harm me!
Wow, there would be NO WAY IN HELL I would invite someone who has bullied me in the past. Especially not to my wedding!!! This is YOUR day. If you have people at your wedding you're not comfortable having there, then DON'T invite them!!!
your FI wants his friends invited and at the wedding - for me then there is no other option but to suck it up and invite their partners. for those saying its "your" day, well guess what - its his day as well
bitchy people exist in every part of our lives, sometimes you have to be the adult and smile through it. hopefully you wont even see much of them and will be too happy to care
Chances are the guys won't go if their girlfriend's can't... but I'd be super hesitant to invite anyone who threatened to beat me up. Are they still catty to you or do you think they'll behave at the wedding? DH and I actually decided not to invite one of his friends girlfriends due to her drinking. Her boyfriend of 4 years came without her, but he's a pretty crappy bf so... he may be the exception.
Very tough call, but in the end I'd take into account how they act now and how you think they'll act at the wedding and probably just let FI have his way :(
@eloping: I agree that it's "his day" too, but she shouldn't have to be miserable at her own wedding just so his friends can bring someone who threatened her to their wedding. Would you want someone who threatened you at your wedding, just to sit there and feel threatened the entire time? I don't think so. As for the OPP, this is something you need to sit down and really talk about with your FI.
I'm not sure how people can say you are being rude...You're saying these people are cruel to you, threaten you with violence, and all around sound like they don't like you very much. Obviously, they have no business at your wedding, no matter who they are dating. I mean, hoenstly, proper etiquette says your supposed to invite a-holes to your wedding? I think not.
If you have a strict "Plus 1" policy, most people are understanding about not being able to bring dates. I have never met someone who would not attend a wedding because of that, especially if they were close to the bride or groom. If these friends honestly have a problem, then perhaps your FI needs new friends.
Are they still mean to you or is this all in the past? If it is in the past, is it really wroth dredging it up all over again? I think you risk creating serious ill feelings if you start treating people's plus ones differently. If they are in a relationship, they should be invited together. I also don't think this is something worth getting into a fight with your FI about.
I do know how you feel. :-( FI has friends (not necessarily the SO's of friends, so a little different) who were not particularly nice to me when we first started dating. In the beginning, some of them would do things to down right attempt to sabotage our relationship (from encouraging him to blow me off to encouraging him to outright lie to me), and some were even rude to my face. Well, at a certain point, FI had a talk with them and made it clear that if they cared about him, then they had to care about me. Honestly, they hadn't really given me a chance, and I wasn't exactly to forgive and forget either.
That being said, it put a strain on my relationship with FI that I didn't feel comfortable with his friends. Many of his friends felt genuinely bad about their behavior. While I never got an outright apology from any of them, most of them (the ones that obviously really love FI) have made huge efforts to make me feel welcome and included.
BUT I really had a hard time accepting this at first. I did not want to be around them at all, much less let bygones be bygones. I guess what I'm trying to say is that sometimes people make stupid choices...petty, mean, and unbelievably STUPID choices. I'm not excusing those women's behavior, because it sounds like they were pretty nasty to you, OP, but maybe for the sake of your FI, you should consider planning a dinner with them and their significant others to see how they behave. Perhaps they really are contrite. If they seem willing to move forward, perhaps for the sake of your FI and his friends, you should be willing to also? Of course, this is entirely up to you...I completely understand still feeling hurt and wary (and also less than inclined to extend the olive branch), but perhaps it will turn out for the best. And if it doesn't, then everyone will understand why you don't want them at your wedding.
Good luck with your decision!!
I'm sorry I have to disagree with a few people who have written above,
I wouldnt waste a second making ammends with those two bitches, why should you make any effort at all? They are beneath you, TOTALLY beneath you and you should NOT waste another second sparing them any more of your time or energy
If you have to invite them-Invite them-THEN FORGET THEY ARE THERE
BUT! Feel free to swan about on your wedding day....you may blank them if you like on the day.....you will look so happy and fabulous - and so far above any of that petty BullS**t
The ceremony/day/ speeches will be all about you and your hubby
let the 2 "ugly sisters" look on from the backround------
!!!!
I wouldn't invite them PERIOD, END OF DISCUSSION. I'm sure they would find a way to say or do something that would hurt/upset you. I would invite the boyfirends over and explain it ot them. You may be surprised. the boyfriends may be aware of thier personalities and may wecome some time away from them.
Have they threatened you recently? Have you all gotten together as a group since they started dating these friends? If they have been polite/civil to you in recent history then honestly you have no reason not to invite them. Etiquette dictates you invite both halves of any relationship. If these friends consider themselves in relationships, then the social unit must be invited together. It is not for you to judge the validity or length. I suggest you be the bigger person and invite them, thereby giving yourself the karmic and politeness upper hand.
IF, however, these women have threatened you recently, since they have started dating these men, I would have a serious discussion with your FI why he would be friends with people who disrespect and threaten you. This is a serious issue that should be worked out before your marriage.
I’m totally in agreement with cacamillis & phaedrakay. I’ve got an identical situation with my FI and one of his friends in particular. He has been friends with this guy for 10-12 years, and he has been nothing but nice to both of us (to my knowledge). But his trailer trash gf is a completely different story. I don’t think she’s ever had a nice thing to say about me. I’ve been called a gold digger and other things that were not only hurtful to me but FI & I’s relationship.
Now when it comes time for the Wedding, FI can’t imagine not inviting his friend, but I CANNOT come to terms with sharing our day with this girl. This is a day to celebrate the couple, their love, their relationship. Why WHY would you have someone in attendance who blatantly does NOT support half of this pair? And don’t even get me started on paying for her to eat & drink. I say, if these girls have genuinely hurt you in the past, etiquette be damned they don’t deserve to share your special day with you.
That being said, I think we’re in the situation now where we (unfortunately) probably cannot invite FI’s friend (the boyfriend of this girl). I think it will only stir up way too much drama and just fuel her fire & loud mouthed nature to say we chose specifically not to have her involved. Take the high road here by not inviting the couple and like another poster said, blame it on room capacity & guest list limitations.
Sorry but i would not be inviting these two to my wedding if I were you. The guests at your wedding should be people that love you and at the LEAST respect the person you are marrying (assuming they do not know them personally or something). A wedding is about celebrating the couple and their committment to one another. Those in attendance should be there to support and celebrate the couple. Period. I would not be able to be ok with having them there. But thats just me. Etiquette would not win in this situation for me. For family im willing to push my limits but not for people like this.
@fayrhiannon: There is a strong possibility his friends won't come if their gfs are specifically not invited--as in everyone got a plus 1 besides them
If you don't give anyone else a plus 1 you could get away with not seeming like a drama queen, otherwise yes it does seem like you are not willing to let bygones be bygones and want to continue a petty rivalry over nothing in particular
I would say reach out to these girls and voice your concerns, they'll either make it clear that they've grown up and moved past the immaturity-or they will confirm your fears and show themselves to be petty bitches so you can be justified in snubbing them outright
@phaedrakay: Probably not....if their boyfriends hated them that much they probably wouldn't be with them.....
Based on the history provided, these girls would make my "wedding perma-ban" list.
You wouldn't want any guest or plus one at your wedding who has treated your FI cruelly, and the FI should feel the same way. Not because you're worried about the girlfriends' behavior or sharing your Big Day with them, but because under any normal circumstance you wouldn't want to be in the same room with them--EVER. Not sure why this mentality should change because of a wedding.
If the friends no-show because they take this as a slight, then obviously FI needs to explain what happened. If they still refuse, then send them an invitation to go kick rocks.
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Hey bees,
Im not a bitchy person by nature, I am pretty easy going, I try and accept everyone and I feel I am a pretty easy person to get on with - I am not judgemental, controlling or jealous by nature. I am quite quiet and hate confrontation, arguing, nastiness of any sort etc. However I really don't want to invite 2 of my FIs friends partners to my wedding. My FI wants both friends at our wedding from the start so thats the ceremony, the wedding breakfast and the evening party - but these 2 girls are total bitches! Normally I would just let by gones be by gones and invite them but in the past they have been so nasty and abusive towards me (it was practically bullying - one of them even used to threaten me with violence) that I do not want them there. This was about 3 years ago while we were all in our 20s, so its not like its high school petty arguing! Neither had any reason to behave this way towards me other then girly, bitchy, jealousy and neither will explain why they treat me like this. The relationships they both have are pretty new with my FIs friends where as me and FI have been together for 8 years. My FI thinks that I am being a bit unreasonable and worries that his friends wont come because their partners arent invited where as I think that if his friends arent willing to come (they have all been friends since high school) then they aren't true friends and should put one of there best friends weddings in front of their current partner. Besides which I refuse to pay a good deal of money on an already strict budget for these 2 to come to my wedding and share the most important day of my life with me!! Am I in the wrong here?????