Post # 1
Im not a bitchy person by nature, I am pretty easy going, I try and accept everyone and I feel I am a pretty easy person to get on with – I am not judgemental, controlling or jealous by nature. I am quite quiet and hate confrontation, arguing, nastiness of any sort etc. However I really don’t want to invite 2 of my FIs friends partners to my wedding. My Fiance wants both friends at our wedding from the start so thats the ceremony, the wedding breakfast and the evening party – but these 2 girls are total bitches! Normally I would just let by gones be by gones and invite them but in the past they have been so nasty and abusive towards me (it was practically bullying – one of them even used to threaten me with violence) that I do not want them there. This was about 3 years ago while we were all in our 20s, so its not like its high school petty arguing! Neither had any reason to behave this way towards me other then girly, bitchy, jealousy and neither will explain why they treat me like this. The relationships they both have are pretty new with my FIs friends where as me and Fiance have been together for 8 years. My Fiance thinks that I am being a bit unreasonable and worries that his friends wont come because their partners arent invited where as I think that if his friends arent willing to come (they have all been friends since high school) then they aren’t true friends and should put one of there best friends weddings in front of their current partner. Besides which I refuse to pay a good deal of money on an already strict budget for these 2 to come to my wedding and share the most important day of my life with me!! Am I in the wrong here?????
Post # 3
I wouldn’t come if my Fiance was not invited to the wedding. I think your Fiance has very valid concerns about his friends not coming if their SO’s are not invited. I understand that you don’t like these girls but I think you might have to invite them.
You say that they are fairly new relationships but that they were rude to you 3 years ago?
Post # 4
I think that if you make up a rule for plus ones, it needs to apply to everyone and not just these 2 girls. Our rule was no plus ones unless they were in a long-term serious relationship or they were living together. Something like that would be perfectly acceptable.
I’m so sorry you have such toxic people in your life. I wouldn’t want these “ladies” around me either. If it does become a huge issue, you may just have to be the classy one and just let them come. Maybe them being there with your FIs friends will make them watch the bitchiness. Guys don’t generally deal well with petty, girl-crap.
Post # 5
@accorn: Sorry I didnt make it sound very clear – they were like this with me before they got with my FIs friends – we live in quite a small town and people all know each other – it just so happens that these 2 girls are now dating my FIs friends
Post # 6
@zippylef: I see what you are saying – I keep swaying between taking the higher ground and inviting them and letting them see me looking all beautiful and happy on my big day lol (after all they are total jealous bitches it would totally annoy them) and then feeling so adamant about the fact they were so nasty to me and upset me so much that I am not having them there and I feel so stubborn about it! My wedding is in June though so want to get invites sent out by the end of this month, I need to make a decision I suppose
Post # 7
You are supposed to treat social units as, well, social units. People in relationships should be invited as a couple, truly single people do not need to be afforded a plus one.
Post # 8
I think that if they are serious partners to your FI’s friends and others will be allowed dates you should invite them. Plus, I wouldn’t want to rekindle a feud between them since they could possibly be around for the long haul. Plus, you wouldn’t exactly be making friends with your FI’s buds by doing this either. I wouldn’t want to start my marriage off by having bad feeling between FI’s friends and I.
Post # 9
Honestly, I see what PPs are saying, but if one of these girls threatened you with violence in the past- I definitely think an etiquette exception can be made.
Your fiance should recognize how abusive these people were/are and agree not to extend the plus ones. You said their relationships are new, and I think if you know his friends well, it would not hurt to write them a letter or invite the guys over for dinner/coffee and explain your position as to their abuse like an adult. If they refuse to see why it makes you wary, it is up to them whether to come or not. May I also suggest approaching the girls and asking for a conversation in which you can discuss the issues and request an apology before invitations would be extended?
Post # 10
I would not invite them to my wedding, ettiquette bedamned. If your Fiance feels he must explain to his friends, he can tell them the truth or tell them that he wants them with him at these events without the hindrance of gfs or blame it on space constraints. Whatever.
Post # 11
People are not entitled to a plus one. Not just single people but anyone who is just “dating someone”. I see that many bees decide that their plus one for guests is only married, engaged or living together. With that being said, there is the rare occassion where you have a serious couple who has been dating for 3+ years and still not living together for whatever reason but that can be handled on a case to case basis. I think you are TOTALLY justified and actually have a legit excuse to give Fiance friends without starting any trouble. They can speculate all they want about why they were not invited but at the end of the day, it’s up to you and Fiance. There is NO WAY I would invite them but thats just me.
Post # 12
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
I agree completely with zippylef, dashwoodgirl and Chix. Someone’s who threatened you shouldn’t be at your wedding! However- I like dashwoodgirl’s idea about getting together before the invites go out- I can’t tell from your posts if you’ve recently been around these women, and if anything has improved. Plus ones aren’t a given- one of my best friends only invited one dating couple to her 140-guest wedding, and that was a bridesmaid who was in a year-plus relationship (all other couples were engaged or married).
Post # 13
yea if they have been dating less than a year i wouldn’t invite the girls.
Post # 14
this is tricky. I am sorry to have such a messy situation.
Firstly, If i wasn’t invited to my FI’s friends wedding i would be upset, and I am sure my Fiance wouldn’t want to go on prinicple.
I don’t want to dismiss abuse- but how have these ‘girls’ been treating you since dating ur FI’s friends? Have they matured? I am sure we have all done stupid things, and made people upset and hurt at some point in thier lives. Have they grown up? have they ever apoligized? If that is a no. I would seriously discuss this is your Fiance. there is no reason to feel scared intimidated on your wedding day.period.
I was hurt emotionally by people in my town, but (after counselling) i was able to confront them with how i felt. They had no idea that they had affected me so much.
Post # 15
@fayrhiannon: DO NOT INVITE THEM. Claim budget reasons/wanting a smaller wedding.
You need to talk to your FH and let him know how you feel. Furthermore you need to talk to his friends and let them know NOW a plus one WILL NOT be extended.
If they must come, put them in the back behind family hehehehe
Post # 16
I would not invite any person, no matter who they are if they bullied & or threatened me in any way! Sorry but I wouldn’t. Call me a rude person or what have you but no one would have been at my wedding that said they was going to harm me!