(Closed) Do I invite my FI's grandfather's mistress?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should I invite the mistress?
    No, she's awful and FI's family doesn't want to invite her : (23 votes)
    50 %
    No, don't invite her but give the grandfather a plus one to be kind : (21 votes)
    46 %
    Yes, invite her : (2 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    4352 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @ssttpp:  I don’t know how popular this is going to be, but I would give him a plus one. Let him decide if he wants to bring her.

    Post # 4
    Member
    429 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    It is a tough situation.  I would hate the woman as well so I’m feeling for the family.  There is a big BUT and that is that this man is likely expecting a “plus one” and since you will likely give other adults one you should give him one as well.

    By any means, don’t put her name on the invite but I would go ahead and allow him to take a guest with him.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1766 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Maybe just give him the plus one, and let him decide if he wants to bring her. Then you’re not the bad guy either way.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1041 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I think it’s kind to extend the same gesture of bringing a plus one to everyone important to you and your FI. I am sure his grandfather knows his choice of partner is controversial, but you can leave that up to him if he thinks it may upset other family members. I think it might be less gracious to ban him from bringing who he wants (but if the family who are offended don’t want her to come, of course they don’t have to invite her to their wedding). If he ends up bringing her, simply explain to FI’s family if they’re upset that you extended the gesture of a plus one to everyone and the rest of the decision is with them.

    Post # 8
    Member
    5429 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Yep, do a +1 and let him decide… He is the elder and the family should not judge.

    Post # 9
    Member
    5557 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: December 2011

    Uh no. Home-wreckers have NO place at a wedding so there is no way I would invite a married woman dating someone in my family (or in-law family), especially when you know your FI and his family don’t want her there. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    3682 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    She may be his SO, but she’s a social unit with somebody else–her husband.  You can only be in one social unit at a time.

    Hers and your FI’s grandfather’s sleazebag “relationship” has no place at your wedding, especially since he betrayed FI’s grandmother with her.

    Post # 12
    Member
    4352 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @ssttpp:  They shouldn’t be mad at you, they should be mad at him. I would just explain that you didn’t feel right singling him out and not giving him a plus one when you have the space. You also did not specifically invite her out of respect for FI’s family. You let him bring one person of his choosing, like the rest of your single guests (I asusme all single guests are getting a plus one but substitute in your rule). He could bring someone else but has chosen not to. And if its still a problem I would tell them to speak with him or her since their relationship is none of your business (and really none of theirs either but oh well).

    On another note, has he brought her to other family functions?

    Post # 14
    Member
    5557 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: December 2011

    @ssttpp: But etiquette says to NOT DATE MARRIED PEOPLE. So he lost his right to be offended when his family doesn’t want to be around his SO when he started dating a married woman, apparently while he himself was married. So do you offend the person dating a married woman or the rest of your future in-laws? I know what my answer is. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    5429 posts
    Bee Keeper

    @ssttpp:  you said she was waiting for her husband to die… is he terminally ill with cancer or something?

    Post # 16
    Member
    686 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    In my opinion. Hell NO! reverse the role. Would you like your FI to invite your grandfathers mistress if he had one?

    She is married to someone else. Why would you want a homewrecker at your wedding? To wish you both the best of luck and not respect your till death do’s?

     

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