Weddingbee boards

My mother is a very toxic woman who says and does many hurtful things. She does, however, have moments when she is very fun, funny, and enjoyable to be around. FH does not care for her and I stopped talking to her about two months ago because she was spewing hateful crap about FH and our relationship.

She is an alcoholic but refuses to admit that there's a problem. She didn't raise me; my aunt and grandmother did. But at the same time, I feel that perhaps I should at least invite her to come see her daughter get married. We would not, however, invite her to the reception next year unless a miracle takes place (seriously, she can be that terrible) and she does a 180 with her behavior.

It's a short ceremony at the courthouse followed by a nice dinner with those who attended. I might feel bad if I didn't invite her, especially if my grandma decides to attend--they recently patched things up after a fifteen-year hiatus where they did not have contact at all. Besides, it's not like there's a huge ceremony to disrupt.

Is it worth it to take a chance? If she did start to go south during the day, I'm sure my other relatives would straighten her out...what would you do?

@hotwings: It's okay--I'm used to it. I just don't want FH's family to get the wrong impression of my family if she does something. I'll just have one of my aunts (who she lives with) keep an eye on her the morning of to make sure she doesn't drink.

@Allyser: Oh, it's a quick civil ceremony at the courthouse, so it's not like she'll have any duties or anything. We'll just have to be careful and make sure the staff at whatever restaurant we decide to go to afterward knows that she's not to be served alcohol. But that kind of goes for FH's dad, too...

@Allyser: That's true. Even with a small wedding, I'll be busy in the morning with hair, makeup, etc. and probably won't have much of a chance to even talk to her until after the ceremony.

I didn't vote b/c I'm torn myself with my own personal dilemma.

My mother left my sister and I when we were babies in the care of a very abusive father.  I haven't talked/seen my dad since before Christmas after a massive blow out where he pretty much said I deserved to die.  For me, he has ruined every significant event in my life.  I can't take a chance that he could ruin my wedding for my future in-laws and the rest of my family.  I haven't spoken to my mother in years since she's homeless somewhere.  Dysfunctional is my family, definitely.  For me, I want my life changing events to go smoothly and I don't think they would be if either of them were there.  I don't know your situation but if there's alcohol available at the dinner, it might be a bad situation where she could say something cruel to your Fiance or his family.

However, I know there should always be an opportunity for forgiveness.  If there isn't a chance that she can hurt you b/c you and your Fiance have thick skin, then I'd invite her.

@beekiss2: I pretend to have thick skin but what she says still hurts me. I think we'll request that no alcohol be served at whatever restaurant we go to--bummer, but it's really the only way to minimize problems with her. I feel for you--these situations suck so hard. E-hugs! I'm guessing you know by now that you do NOT deserve to die; she's never said anything quite that horrible to me, but has come close. I want to be classy but if she starts something, she will be asked to leave. I'll just let my family know to watch her on that day. I'm sure they will.

@Statutory Grape:  Thanks and I'm a strong enough person to not believe anything my father says to me.  I think it's good you have family that can escort her out if something does happen!  I wasn't sure if alcohol would be served since I think you had a post about your in-laws wanting alcohol.

@beekiss2: Oh, the dry thing kind of holds for our after-ceremony dinner on 12.21 as well as the reception next November, haha. It'll save us money and keep my family from being made uncomfortable by his family (they are delightful people but do like to get a little tipsy).

@Statutory Grape:  I totally understand!  My family has a couple of alcoholics, including my priest, and we will not be serving.  Plus it's cheaper and I think our families can have fun without it :)

@beekiss2: I'm so sorry, I giggled when you mentioned your priest because that's such a cliche. It is really cheaper to go dry, though.

I did decide to invite her to both...I just did a phone invite to let her know (she responds poorly to learning things via other people) that an invitation will be coming soon. She sounded more excited about it than the aunt she lives with (whose response was, "Oh. Great."). I am looking forward to having her with us. :)