(Closed) Do I invite my mother?

posted 7 years ago in Family
  • poll: Should I take the chance and invite her?
    Yes; you might regret it if you don't : (28 votes)
    88 %
    No; why take the chance of something going wrong? : (4 votes)
    13 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    752 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010 - Ocean View Villas/Jasmine Seafood Restaurant

    I think if you’re already thinking that there is a chance you might feel bad, then you should invite her.  Put the ball in her court.  You’ll know you did what you needed to do.  The biggest issue with family is that we don’t get to choose who our family is.  So sorry you have to deal with this.  I do hope your relatives can run interference if needed.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1518 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    My cousin had a similar issue when it came to inviting her mother (my aunt). She was very toxic and abusive to my cousin- not physically but emotionally and verbally. She did end up inviting her to the wedding and everything was fine. We assigned some family members to go on the watch for her. They basically kept an eye on what was going on and made sure she wasn’t causing any problems. We didn’t allow anyone to come see her before the ceremony so they only contact she really had with her mom was a few pictures and hello’s after the ceremony.

    If you do decide to invite her it might be a good idea to have a couple friends on watch that will be willing to tell her to stop doing things or leave if need be. But things go by so fast that you prob won’t have much time to see her anyways. I hardly saw my mom the day of our wedding. She was greeting guests and i didn’t see her except for a couple pictures lol and we are very close. 

    If you have any questions about not inviting her than i would go ahead and send her the invite. That doesnt mean you have to include her in the ceremony or anything either

    Post # 6
    Member
    606 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    It is so tough when you know your mom is toxic……but this is one day that will happen once in a life time and I agree with hotwings.  If you are having doubts, invite her.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1518 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    And your guests shouldn’t judge you by your mom’s behavior. You are two different people. And if they don’t know already i am sure they will find out at some point that you don’t always agree with her

    Post # 9
    Member
    1518 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Well it sounds like you will be able to avoid her if you want to. You will be busy taking pictures, being with your husband, saying hello to everyone.. etc. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    1057 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    Chances of you one on one interacting with her for long amounts of time on your wedding day are slim. You’ll have so much else to take care of. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    2867 posts
    Sugar bee

    I didn’t vote b/c I’m torn myself with my own personal dilemma.

    My mother left my sister and I when we were babies in the care of a very abusive father.  I haven’t talked/seen my dad since before Christmas after a massive blow out where he pretty much said I deserved to die.  For me, he has ruined every significant event in my life.  I can’t take a chance that he could ruin my wedding for my future in-laws and the rest of my family.  I haven’t spoken to my mother in years since she’s homeless somewhere.  Dysfunctional is my family, definitely.  For me, I want my life changing events to go smoothly and I don’t think they would be if either of them were there.  I don’t know your situation but if there’s alcohol available at the dinner, it might be a bad situation where she could say something cruel to your Fiance or his family.

    However, I know there should always be an opportunity for forgiveness.  If there isn’t a chance that she can hurt you b/c you and your Fiance have thick skin, then I’d invite her.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2867 posts
    Sugar bee

    @Statutory Grape:  Thanks and I’m a strong enough person to not believe anything my father says to me.  I think it’s good you have family that can escort her out if something does happen!  I wasn’t sure if alcohol would be served since I think you had a post about your in-laws wanting alcohol.

    Post # 16
    Member
    2867 posts
    Sugar bee

    @Statutory Grape:  I totally understand!  My family has a couple of alcoholics, including my priest, and we will not be serving.  Plus it’s cheaper and I think our families can have fun without it 🙂

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