- 6 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
I am 1 of 7 girls and am the 2nd oldest. Out of all my sisters, I’m the only one who lives on my own, pays my own bills and is in a long term healthy relationship with my fiance. My older sister has her mortgage/bills/groceries/gas, etc. paid for IN FULL by various family members (and charity since my niece was diagnosed with cancer). When she visits my fiance and I, we always have to pay for her food, parking tickets, etc. just for the sake of me spending time with my niece. She’s been dating a d-bag for the past 1.5 years or so and he only started working at a chain restaurant about 2 months ago. So, their entire relationship involved him sitting on the couch reaping the benefits of everyone paying for my sister’s way (she’s 31 btw). He is not my niece’s father, though my sister makes her call him dad. It’s sick.
Now, my niece was diagnosed with leukemia a year and a half ago. She had multiple transplants and my sister, she and her boyfriend pretty much lived with my fiance and I during that time so that she could go to one of the best children’s hospitals in the world. We never asked for a dime from them. We would sleep on the floor, give my niece our bed and give my sister and her boyfriend the guest room. They would stay up watching tv and hanging out till 5-6 in the morning then sleep the whole next day while my niece just “hung out” by herself and my fiance and I would go to work.
My sister is abrasive, cannot get along with anyone and is totally entitled. She will tell the hospital that she’ll bring my niece only if they pay for her to stay in a hotel, etc. I know this sounds crazy, but the social workers at hospitals always cave in and give my sister and her boyfriend free food, pay their cell phones, pay for their parking, etc. It blows my mind. She can’t afford to eat, but they have a 60″ 3D TV. When I ask what I can get my niece for her birthday, she’ll tell me she could use a $200 kindle. I’ll tell her we can’t afford a wedding and $200 present and she’ll go directly to my niece and tell her that we don’t care to get her a present.
Anyway, I do not get along with my sister at all (no one does) and I calmly told her that I was not going to ask her to be a BM because I couldn’t sleep at night knowing I added to her plate, blah blah. It was a lie, but I thought I was very nice and respectful by not telling her the truth, which is that she’s the worst human being I know. Meanwhile, I would NEVER do that to my other BMs. I also asked my 2 youngest sisters to do “other tasks” like readings, bringing up the rings, etc. just so my older sister wasn’t singled out.
She proceeded to post all sorts of hate messages directed at me (didn’t say my name, but she didn’t have to) all over FB. In the past 6 months, she has posted at least a half dozen complete attacks at my family on FB. She tells my mom that I’m a brat and she’s tired of even talking to me. I’m not reacting at all to these attacks and they’re just getting worse.
My fiance doesn’t have a mean bone in his body, but he can not stand to be near her. I’m not even sleeping at night thinking of all the ways she can try to cause a scene at my wedding. She’s working on getting family members to see her side and that I’m somehow this terrible person…I don’t think anyone would actually believe it, but she’s stopping at nothing to get her point out.
She has never met my fiance’s family, yet added them ALL on FB so they all see these attacks and how crazy she is. The last straw was a post last week. I talked to my uncle (who pays her mortgage and bills) and he told me that she plans on not showing up to our wedding and not letting my niece go (which is the only reason I even put up with talking to her). I look at this as a relief and I don’t want to invite her at all.
How do I go about this? I did send them a save the date, but I’m not inviting them to our wedding. We are paying for almost our entire wedding, it’s sit down (therefore we’re screwed if she decides to just “not show up”). I want to make it clear that she and her boyfriend are not welcome but my niece is. I know my niece won’t go because my sister uses her to get whatever she can from people, but I don’t want her twisting my words and telling my niece I don’t want her there.
Sorry for the rant, I’m all over the place with this, I just don’t know what to do anymore.