(Closed) Do I invite the officiant?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should we invite our officiant (who we found on the internet...)?
    Yes, the officiant should always be invited. : (2 votes)
    25 %
    No, you don't need to, since you don't really know him : (4 votes)
    50 %
    You should ask him what couples generally do : (1 votes)
    13 %
    Send him an invitation and assume he'll decline : (1 votes)
    13 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1288 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union

    I also had what I’d consider a mercenary officiant – no personal ties, just a recommendation from my venue. I did not invite her to the reception. I think there’s a big difference between this type of officiant and say, the minister from the church you attend.

    I have no clue what miss manners says about this, so I’m not claiming to really know the answer 🙂

    Post # 4
    Member
    152 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    We found ours online also.  I am torn on this topic too because I was not planning on inviting him.  Then my mom said it would be nice to have him say a prayer before the meal…. I could use a good answer on this also!!!

    Post # 5
    Member
    1161 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    I would definitely say that you don’t have to since you don’t even know the person and you are paying him.

     

    @ten. I would think it would be very touching to have a family member lead the prayer.

    Post # 6
    Member
    354 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    Traditionally, etiquette has dictated that you should invite the officiant to the wedding. But I agree with pps that when you have absolutely no relationship with the officiant, it might be a different story. My stepfather is a minister, and I know that when he performs weddings for people he has no connection with, he graciously declines invitations to the reception. My guess is that most officiants would do the same.

    Post # 7
    Member
    433 posts
    Helper bee

    I don’t know my officiant but she is an aquaintance of the future in laws. I’m inviting her and her husband to the reception jsut out of politeness. I’m not going to send an invite- since she is going to be working- but I thought it would be polite to invite both of them to the reception.

    your officiant is the most important part of your wedding next to you and the groom. If they weren’t there your marriage couldn’t happen. An extra dinner or two seems worth it to say thank you.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2775 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    I thought it was pretty standard practice to send the officiant (and spouse) a courtesy invite, whether you have a personal relationship or not.  A “mercenary officiant” will probably decline.

    Post # 10
    Member
    198 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    Our officiant was recommended to us by our venue. When we first met with him he said that he didn’t stay for receptions, so there was no need to invite him. However, even if we had invited him he wouldn’t have stayed because he had another wedding to attend right after ours. He also kept trying to rush after the ceremony because he had to leave for the next one.

    Post # 11
    Member
    222 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    When I did research online about this etiquette, I found that you’re only “required” to invite the officiant and his/her spouse to the reception in cases where s/he is close to you or the family, but that “mercenary officiants” (great term!) don’t require an invite.  All the weddings I’ve attended have followed this pattern, if that helps!

    Post # 13
    Member
    1297 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I voted No, because I will be in the same situation as you and plan to not invite him/her.

    Post # 14
    Member
    63 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    If you don’t know him, then I think it would be awkward for him to be there.  I vote no.

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