Post # 1
Hey all. I am looking for some advice. My parents are paying for my wedding and all that goes along with that. I am the bride. My fiance’s dad is a preacher. My mother in law talked to my fiance and told him that the whole church needs to be invited because if not, feelings will be hurt. I am not sure that I want to invite their whole congregation. It is not a tiny congregation. I dont know anyone from there. It is the congregation where he grew up. That congregation is not even in the same state that we live in. (both of us are from out of state and did not grow up here) I plan on inviting all aunts, uncles, cousins, parents, grandparents on both sides. Family is a given. Our families are not tiny though, when you include both our families and the wedding party the guest list is already past 100 (and I believe 95% will show up). We also want to invite everyone from the congregation we both go to where we live. That makes the guest list even longer. Not to mention any friends that we would like to invite that dont fall under the church or family categories. I told my mother in law to be that I would figure out how much the invitations would cost and then talk to my parents about how many they want to purchase. Once I know that I would give her an allotted amount of invitations and she could send me a guest list based on that number. I dont mind a large wedding but I DONT want a HUGE wedding. She still insists that the whole congregation be invited with individual invites. She wont let me put one invite on the church bullitin board. I sort of feel like this is not her choice and it should be my parents/mine…I feel like she should wait for me to give her a number. It might be different if she was the one paying for the wedding or it was her daughter getting married, but its her daughter in law. Should I do something different? Is it rude of me to tell her no? I am worried about costs. Mainly invite cost and postage. Also this congregation isnt too far that some people might make the trip to the wedding.
P.S. We are not inviting all of the congregation that I grew up in and that my parents attend. The only congregation that we are inviting everyone is the one both my fiance and i attend currently. If I invite all of their congregation I feel like I need to invite all of MY parents congregation too. And it is NOT SMALL. Its huge!
Post # 3
@bluebird123: Either you’ve misunderstood each other, or she’s crazy. You don’t need to invite former congregations. For a start, church memberships change, many won’t even know your FI.
In my circles (Australian, protestant), what is normal is an open, non-specific invitation to the ceremony only. i.e. in the church newsletter (or announced in church, depending how it’s done), members are informed when and where the ceremony is, and that they are welcome to attend the ceremony. You could do this with all 3 churches (current, your old church, fiances’ old church). That’s we did: announcement at my church (and as far as I know, at my husband’s old church too), but only invited close friends from church. Quite a few people came to the ceremony only. Which was fine, I’ve gone to a few ceremonies only at my church myself.
EDIT: Oh wait, I see she’s already said no to this. Well then she’s out of line. Say no. Or rather, your fiance should tell his mum no.
Post # 4
You are absolutely right it is not her place she has family and they will be invited not the whole congregation is too much and too expensive for you. It is not your church your parent have a say so because they are footing the bill. Your FI needs to tell his mother that it is not practical to invite the whole congregation.
You both have your own church family and you want to invite them not make his mother look good with their church family. She is out of order with her request and to avoid her feeling like you disrespected her wishes have your FI talk to her.
Good luck and Big hug…
She’s got some nerve.
Post # 5
@paula1248: Thanks so much. Well it would be my fiance’s former congregation. His parents still attend there and his dad is the preacher. I think his mom is worried about some people wondering why they are not invited.
Post # 6
@niasg1: Thanks. I am going to take your advice and have him talk to her.
Post # 7
@bluebird123: If you say anything she will turn it around and make it look as if you are being difficult. Mother’s and son have a bond and secretly they feel you are taking their son away. It is not true but this is there perception. So it would go down easier if he tells her trust me. She will have to swallow the fact that he has decided that it is not practical and she will give it some thought and agree with him.
Post # 8
you dont need to invite that congregation.
we only invited 6 people from our congregation– the pastor marring us his wife, the painoist playing the music and her husband. and then a couple that works with my husband and his father. were people pissed that they werent invited- probably but no one said anything- the following day at chuch there was an announcement made that we got married by the Grace of God—lots of things happened that most people were surprised a wedding was able to happen. and there was PLENTY of wedding cake left over for people to enjoy and we brought our wedding ceremony flowers there so people could enjoy them and take a flower/s if they wanted..
your fiance should tell his mom that there wont be an entire congrational invite for their church. it would bee too much added expense and be unfair to your parents