Do I need to get a gift for my FH's dad's wife?

posted 3 years ago in Family
  • poll: Should we give her a gift?
    Yes : (9 votes)
    27 %
    No : (24 votes)
    73 %
  • Post # 2
    43300 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Cordellia:  It never hurts to take the high road. I would give her  token gift so you don’t appear to be the rude ones in front of your wedding party. I don’t think you necessarily need to thank her for anything, just attach a simple gift card that says To___ From___.

    Post # 3
    2649 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Cordellia:  No, you don’t need to get her anything.  As you said, this woman is not a parent or step-parent – she’s just the spouse of a parent.  She’s obviously not interested in you or your husband.  She is someone to be tolerated.  You have nothing to gain by giving her a gift.  I, personally, wouldn’t want to add insult to injury to the MIL.

    Post # 5
    7273 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Cordellia:  Have she and her husband contributed to the wedding financially?

    Post # 7
    1662 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Cordellia:  I voted no, but I think what I would do is get FIL a gift that could be for both of them together… Restaurant gift card or something for their house? 

    Post # 9
    2304 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    If I remember correctly you’d said that your FFIL and FMIL’s divorce was 12 years ago? If that is the case this woman, although considered by your FMIL and FH’s siblings as only his wife and not their stepmother IS a part of your new family. If your FMIl is still holding onto that grudge that is her problem but you will be slighting an in law connection.  What I mean to say is you yourself will become an in-law (daughter in law, sister in law, etc) and your slighting her could be akin to someone from his family saying “well I don’t like Cordelila bc so and so said she was — and she’s just X’s wife…” 

    Also, whatever financial contribution came from your FFIL is also from her in a roundabout way since she IS his wife (sahw status notwithstanding).

    Her negative attitude might have more to do with her political family’s refusal to accept her place in the family more than her actual personality… I say give her something of equal or slightly lesser value than you’d give your FMIL and gain an ally instead of making an enemy. 

    Post # 11
    1570 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I would go with what FH wants, and remember for everyone who says, oh dont hurt FH Dad’s wife feelings, they may also want to care about FMIL feelings. 

    Post # 12
    455 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    Cordellia:  You don’t “need” to give anyone a gift. With that said, it doesn’t take an etiquette genius to realize that giving a gift to every person at dinner BUT her would be a pretty obvious and deliberate snub. If you aren’t going to give a gift to everyone at the dinner, you need to give them in private at another time.

    Post # 13
    3735 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    Cordellia:  I would give her something small. A token. Think of it as a peace offering.

    Post # 14
    2661 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014


    Cordellia:  FFIL is married to her.  His contribution is their contribution; it came from the marital pot, right?    Anyway, I agree with the PP, take the high road.  Can’t you just give the 2 of them a gift together?  That’s what I would do.

    Post # 15
    423 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2016 - Our Castle

    She did not give birth or have any part in your FH’s upbringing.. You are paying tribute to his parents not who they are with!

    Sorry but i have NO toleration for cheaters and refuse my FFIL’s Whore to even be in the area of our wedding.. She destroyed my FMIL’s heart and broke their sons! He is only coming due to my FH wanting his father at his wedding.

    but if you want to be nice give them a joint present..

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