Post # 1
My fiancé and I were talking about guest list tonight and I was showing him some spreadsheets i made on my ipad at lunch to keep track of guest list budget etc. Anyways I had a horrific thought ….. my mom and step dad divorced when I was in high school, do I need to give them a plus one when we set a date and send invites out?!?!?!
Post # 3
@WineAndCupcakes: Are they seeing anyone? If so, give them a plus one. Or ask them if they want to bring someone. I’m certain they’ll both appreciate having the option of bringing a date, especially if the other is involved with someone. 🙂
Post # 4
I would talk to them. If your parents would like to bring someone, I think you should try to accomodate that. The only reason I would say no, is if bringing dates would create big drama. (ie. like dad left mom and wants to flaunt a 20somethin’ blonde on arm)
What exactly would embarrass you about it?
Post # 5
If they have a BF or GF, then they should come. I don’t think you should worry about it – your mom and dad probably won’t bring a random date to their daughter’s wedding. It would be weird if you told them that their significant others couldn’t come, though.
Post # 6
It depends on your parents’ situation. If either of my parents brought a date, drama would ensue and nobody would have a good time, but neither of them really date anyways so its not like I had to tell them “no”, it was kind of just assumed.. plus nobody is allowed random dates at my wedding, only people we know
Post # 7
If they’re seeing someone, I would probably extend an invite to their SO. If they’re not, I’d ask them if they were planning on bringing a date.
I don’t know if this is like your situation, but my husband’s parents are divorced, and each were dating someone new when our wedding rolled around. They had a really bad divorce, so we were worried there would be drama. It actually worked out well, their dates kept them occupied and happy during the reception.
Post # 8
Thank you all so much for the replies. I guess to really understand the situation and my worries I need to get a little TMI. Feel free to stop here if you don’t want to hear some white trash family stuff…. I don’t know my father, aka sperm donor, him and my mom split right after I was born. My mom remarried when I was two to the man that raised me as his own. Right after I started high school my mom thought that my step-dad had cheated on her (which he hadn’t!) and she retaliated by *actually* cheating on him. Then she left him for said man that ended up semi-ruining our lives. (another story completely!) Mom and evil husband finally separated summer of ’06 when I moved across the country, and their divorce just became final within the past few months. During the time they separated in ’06 and now, she’s had at least a half a dozen “boyfriends” (some at overlapping times) with ages ranging from 25 to 45. I’m 24. I just went home last month and met her new/current boyfriend and did NOT like him. I doubt they’ll still be together when my FI and I finally get married (no official date, but no earlier than spring of next year) but my mother does not have good taste in men and her current guy looks like he was something the cat dragged in. And my little sister who is unfortunately still living at home with her told me that all the others weren’t much better. Ugh!!!!! I’m not at all worried about my step-dad even bringing a date, he doesn’t really date and even if he were to meet someone I doubt he would have me meet someone at my wedding. I feel horrible all the time for thinking/saying things like this, but the fact is my mother is just not a good person and doesn’t always have the best common sense. And I also don’t want my step-dad to have to see my mom hanging all over some dude all night that I may or may not know.
Post # 9
In your case, no significant anyone! Let them both attend without dates. I would however, give bridesmaids and groomsmen the heads up to keep their eyes on the two of them to make sure they don’t get into it at the wedding. Just have them, whenever they see them interacting, to mosey on up and join the conversation. Then a second attendant will join in the conversation after a short bit. Usually when this happens, it breaks up the conversation of the two people and one of them breaks away from the conversation and the two attendants can go their merry ways.
Also, give them the heads up about your mom. You don’t want her hitting on anyone at the wedding.
If this is too much for you to ask your attendants, then ask someone who you trust to be the point person to do this all evening. If you don’t have someone, then hire someone to do this. There may be a neighbor, work person, church person, clergy family member who isn’t invited, that you trust, that you wouldn’t normally invite to the wedding. They may be thrilled to come and may say ‘forget about paying me.’ But you need to tell them you need to pay them because it is a professional arrangement and then you won’t worry about your folks doing anything weird at the wedding. It’s a little different approach, but it would be worth the $100.00 or so dollars for me to pay plus the cost of their meal and drinks for my peace of mind and sanity.
Post # 10
@Momma: Thanks so much for your reply! Surprisingly, they are actually very civil with each other, and even sort of friendly. I just do NOT like my mother’s boyfriend. He gives me a bad vibe. And I met him for all of a few hours in January.
I’m cringing/LOLing at the thought of my mom hitting on someone at the wedding – that was a worry I didn’t have before 😉
I really like this idea! I have an aunt that may not be able to make it for financial reasons, so maybe if I pay her ticket out and/or hotel, she will do this for me?However, I have 3 BM’s, one is my little sister, one is my closest cousin, and the other is my best friend from grade school, and they all know how my mother is. My MOH/FSIL hasn’t met my mother yet, but I’ve told her plenty. My sister has already promised if mom gets out of control she’ll drag her out ^_^
One last thing though …. HOW do I let my mother know I want her there solo?!
Post # 11
Thank you to those of you that offered support …. Funny follow-up story 🙂
I talked to my little sis today (aka one of my BMs) and we were talking about wedding stuff, and she tells me, “Oh, BTW, I told mom she couldn’t bring D.”
“Oh. Uh. Ok. Thanks! I thought I was going to have to, awesome sis!”
“No problem. I’m Super BM.”
Lol … gotta love her!
Post # 12
I’m with some of the other brides on this one. If your parents are seeing other people and are in a “stable” relationship, extend the +1 offer. If they’re dating casually, talk to them directly and let them know your preference. Your wedding day is YOUR special day. You are not obligated to share it with strangers, and I’m sure your parents would understand your request.
The last thing I want is to look at my wedding pictures, see photos of “that chick Dad brought to my wedding” and that be the extent of knowing who the person was. It also proves to be awkward later when looking through the photos after the relationship has ended.