Do I need to help her?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
6457 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would be questioning why she kept it a secret. That’s really strange. Also, I wouldn’t give her all the details of your wedding- I have heard way too many stories about copy cats!

Post # 4
466 posts
Helper bee

I wouldn’t give her the name of your vendors.  Just be honest, and say that you want to be unique.

Also, I would bet she didn’t include you in her wedding party (after making a fuss to get into yours) is because she is slightly spiteful.  She’s sticking it to you.  🙁

Post # 5
4819 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Id just start lying. I forgot, lost her contact, my mom found me that one…

Post # 6
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@Tallulah_:  Don’t give her any information because you then run the risk of her copying your wedding and then you being upset about that.  I would refer her to wedding wire for vendor recomendations and then change the subject.  If she persists, then stop answering her calls/requests.

Post # 7
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013 - The front lawn of our church

I don’t think you are obligated to help her. However, I honestly think that it would be kind of you to help her. Not helping her because she didn’t help you doesn’t seem like a valid reason to me. IMO, if you are willing to help her, it’s showing that you are the more mature person, and you’re taking the high road. And honestly, texting back the names of vendors isn’t asking for hours and hours of help. I totally get not wanting her to copy your wedding, and if it gets to that point, then ya, absolutely say no. But just because she uses the same florist, it doesn’t mean her flowers will be the same.

Post # 8
434 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Tybee Island, GA

Shoot no.. this is my wedding!!! She aint getting any information out of me!!

One of my friends got engaged after i did, and she had a huge wedding planned out…
Me? I have a destination wedding planned… Well then last week she texted me saying “I caved in… i’m doing a destination wedding!” And then asking me all the details of MY wedding… sweetheart this is MY wedding!! Go get your own!!!!

Post # 9
2787 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Tallulah_:  no, don’t help her, and don’t give her any info on what you’re doing for yours at all. Like pp said copy cats…not cool. Also who is paying for your bridesmaids dresses? I am wondering. this going to be a problem if her wedding is close to yours? 


Post # 10
3633 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I wouldn’t give her just the names of the people you hired in the event she ends up copying you on everything (unless you’re the type that doesn’t care). I would give her the list of vendors you considered/reached out to and let her go from there. She’s a big girl and the least she can do is contact multiple florists to get her own quotes. In any event, it would be better for her to get multiple vendors in the same category anyway so she can get price comparisons.

Post # 11
2915 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

I’d tell her that you can’t remember the exact names, and the file folder that has all the info is always conveniently somewhere else. What, she’s too lazy to study up? Eff that!

Post # 12
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

She doesn’t have to include you in her bridal party just because she was in yours, she can pick whoever she wants.  She’s not really asking for “help”, just recommendations.  What’s the big deal with telling her “this is who I used, I do/do not recommend their services”.  

Post # 13
1532 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Just tell her your mom took care of it, and do not give her your mom’s email.

Post # 14
10906 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I would be polite and honest, but I would decline to give her all of the information she is requesting.

I would say something along the lines of, “I’m really honored that you’re interested in my opinion regarding vendors, but I think it’s best if we both plan our own weddings separately.  That way, we won’t run the risk of doing many of the same things.  I will be more than happy to point you to the sources that I used to find my vendors, however …” and then suggest the names of various bridal magazines and websites that you found to be helpful in supplying lists of vendors in your city.

Post # 15
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@Tallulah_:  I think it would be nice to tell her your vendors, but you don’t have to.  Are you worried about her copying your wedding?  Would it be a lot of work to give her the names?  If not, I’d give them to her.  Holding out just because seems petty.

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