(Closed) Do I need to invite . . .

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

No, you don’t.  🙂

Post # 4
Member
6750 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

It sounds like there was a miscommunication.  I think she just assumed you meant her parents, without really thinking about it. 

You need to go back to your MOH and explain that the reason you’re inviting her in laws is b/c of your close relationship and the reason why you’re inviting her mom is b/c you two got close while planning your MOH’s wedding.  Express concern, if you have any, over her mom and dad not being comfortable being invited together to the wedding.  Do you have a problem with her dad being there?  If not, tell her that you would be happy to invite him, you just didn’t originally intend to.  If you’re short on space, then apologize and explain why you’re not inviting him.

I don’t think you need to invite the dad since he’s divorced.  But, I probably would give the mom a +1 and let her decide whether she wants to bring the dad. 

Post # 5
Member
7879 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

No! You do not need to invite any of MOH’s relatives, but you are welcome to pick and choose which ones you invite, because you are inviting them as friends, not relatives.

That’s what we did with one of our groomsmen. We invited his (widowed) dad (close family friend of DH’s  father) but not his sister (DH and her just weren’t especially close and she was a fair bit older). So the relative of the groomsmen who got invited, was a friend in his own right.

Post # 6
Member
7175 posts
Busy Beekeeper

No, you don’t! I’d just give your MOH a heads up that you were only planning to invite her mom, since you were close to her.  FWIW, if they were still married, then my answer would be ‘yes’.

Post # 7
Member
4525 posts
Honey bee

Since they’re not married, you don’t. If they were, you’d need to. 

Post # 9
Member
7879 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

“since he and I have never exchanged any words”

Granted I’m not divorced, but if one of my daughters was MOH for someone who I’d never spoken to, I’d feel pretty weird getting an invite to her wedding.

Post # 10
Hostess
1427 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

No, I believe not given that they are divorced; they are separate parties/separate social units. If they were married; then you would invite both as a social unit. Also agree with PP to talk to your MOH. If she is doesn’t have much input; get in touch with her mom. Regardless, you need to put on the name of her guest if you are giving her a plus one.

Post # 11
Member
6750 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Neetch:  I would just say – “Hey, you sent me your dad’s address.  I have no issue inviting him, but I was really only intending to invite your mom.  I just wanted to make sure this wasn’t going to be an issue inviting your mom and not your dad.  I wanted to invite your mom because we got close while we planned your wedding together and I would love for her to be there.  I’m not as close with your dad, but it’s not an issue if you want me to extend an invite to him.”  I don’t think saying it that way can be taken the wrong way, even through text. 

Post # 12
Member
7879 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@futuremrsk18:  Since her parents have been divorced 15 years, I’m sure they rarely speak to each other. So I don’t see why the father would need to know the mother’s invited; and even if he does know, why it would be a problem. In fact, if it was like my divorced parents (who don’t get on at all), inviting both would be a source of tension.

Post # 13
Member
6750 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@paula1248:  I think you misread my post.  In my first post, I said the same thing about it probably not being a good idea for them to be in the same room.  In my second post, I said for OP to contact her MOH, not her dad.  Unless I’m misunderstanding you, I think you need to reread my post again to see what I mean. 

Post # 14
Member
7879 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@futuremrsk18:  The part I disagree with is when you say “it’s not an issue if you want me to extend an invite to him”. OP has no relationship with the father, and the father needn’t know the mother is invited. So there’s no need to invite him even if the MOH wants it.

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