(Closed) Do I need to write a thank you note? (Drama)

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
9561 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

@sheepandbear:  Yes you do, but it doesn’t have to be a detailed one at all, it can be similar to the thank you note you write to your other guests, like ‘thank you for attending’ and leave it at that

Post # 5
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@sheepandbear:  Yes I think it’s appropriate even if the friendship is tarnished.  Keep it simple and polite rather than in depth and personal. 

Post # 6
Member
1592 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

It would have been quicker for you to write a thank you note than to write this post. It can’t hurt, can it? You could just say something like: Thank you for coming to our wedding and celebrating with us on our special day.

 

If you want to be extra nice, you could add something about her standing by your side.

 

Post # 7
Member
9956 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Etiquette Snob… lol

Ok lets get this right… it is now Post Wedding.

And you are writing your Thank You Notes, for the Guests who attended and brought you gifts.  Right ?

So, I will assume that you need to write her one for the Wedding Present she got you… so YES you need to write her from your supply of “thank you notes”… along with a mention of how she was there to “stand up” for you on your Wedding Day.

As to thanking her for being in the Wedding Party etc.

I would equally assume you have already done that… either at the Bridal Luncheon with all your Bridesmaids or at the Rehearsal Dinner… either of which was the occasion when you would have presented her with her Thank You Gift… and a heartfelt card.

IF you didn’t do that… then even if she didn’t bring a gift for you and your Hubby (groan)… then you DO absolutely need to write her a Thank You Note when you are sending out the Guest Thank Yous.

As the Point of Etiquette Requirement is that Thanks be always given in writing.
As Jacqui90:  said, it can be short and sweet… and to the point.

Done.

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 8
Member
2905 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Did you figure out what was actually wrong with her? This is so bizarre. If she no longer wanted to be your friend why bother attending the wedding at all? 

 

Post # 10
Member
1592 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Sorry I do realize my post sounded snottier than I meant it to.

Post # 12
Member
9956 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

TO @sheepandbear:  based on your UPDATE… I am seeing now quite a different person than before.

It does sound like she’s had some major trauma she is dealing with be that physical (the bit about the exhaustion) or emotional / mental (depression ?)

In which case I wouldn’t be so quick to write her off… despite her quirky ways.  She sounds like she needs your compassion.

Nothing says you guys have to have a close buddy-buddy see each other / go out kind of relationship… there are many kinds of friendships.

Drop her a line, send her a smile… (be that online or just a fun card from time to time)… let her know you still care

(Cause if it was major trauma… she may not be ready to talk about whatever is “changed” with her… life is like that sometimes)

You don’t have to make it a HUGE Chore for yourself… afterall you obviously have a very good life now with a great Hubby, family & friends around you etc.

BUT staying in touch even occasionally is not a bad thing.

In life we cannot always dictate the cards we are dealt… and that can be difficult at times (certainly as someone who is now over 50, I have had my fair share of bad times, and seen others go thru theirs as well)… the main thing is that the world should be more compassionate about that sort of stuff… cause we are all human, and it happens to all of us eventually. (sadly)

Sometimes hard to understand if you are an outsider… it only all really comes together when you are on the other side of the fence, looking out at the rest of the world going by on its merry way…

I have a feeling that may be where your friend is… trapped in a situation, and watching the world pass her by.

Sure she has to help herself (get help)… but for the 5 or 10 minutes it would take to drop her a note once a month or so, it is probably a tiny effort compared to her just getting thru those 30 or so days from where she stands.

Just a thought.

As I said, I just am seeing a different POV, having been thru some bad sh!t in my lifetime.

 

Post # 13
Member
9693 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@sheepandbear:  I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t write a thank you note to someone who I hope to never see or speak to again. That would open the door to further communication, which you don’t want. Also, a Coach purse AND a gift card? You’ve given this ungrateful gal enough.

Post # 15
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

It doesn’t matter how you feel about someone, if they stood in your wedding they deserve a thank you note. 

Post # 16
Member
2146 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I completely agree with ThisTimeRound. To me, it sounds like there may be some deeper issues that your friend is dealing with. I personally wouldn’t write her off so quickly. I think that writing a thank you letter to her may be a simple way of lettering her know that when she needs to or wants to discuss what is really going on, she will be able to contact you. Besides, writing the letter is the best way to be the bigger person in this situation. Maybe she will realize how terrible she was to you on your big day when she recieves a letter being ‘thanked’ for all she has done. 

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