Post # 1
Ok so im having a difficult time i have a very close friend or should i say was very close with her until i moved to NY but anyway i had my engagement party here (NY) and she could not make it b/c of $$, understood.But she had several months to save , i later find out she was out partying spending like no other.. i confronted her and we stopped talking up until xmas time.. things are now definetly weird and i already put it out there that she would be in it back in summer.. Do i keep her in it and just say screw it.. keep in mind my sisters were very harsh with her when she didnt show for my engagement party and they are in the wedding party along with another friend who can not stand her.. what do i do? advice
Post # 3
So she was booted and now she’s back in? I say, don’t kick her out again, just make sure she actually can make it to this one.But I do think you need to have a talk with your friend since things are awkward. If she’s not in the Wedding Party, i’d probably just leave it like that for now. Sorry i got a little confused int he first part about whether she’s in or out
Why were your sisters harsh with her about not flying in town for an engagement party? I can’t say that I think that’s a big enough issue to be harsh with her about that. Even if she did have months to save for it, i don’t know that i’d fly across country for an engagemet party if i knew i had the wedding to pay for, too.
Post # 4
Have you already asked her to be a bridesmaid? If so, it’s sort of rude to just drop her. You might want to give her an out if she wants to not be in the wedding because your relationship isn’t as good as it was but I don’t think you can just kick her out because she didn’t come to the engagement party.
Honestly, being an out of town bridesmaid is really hard to do with all the events and she might not be able to be there for everything like a bridesmaid that lives near you would. It costs a lot to fly across the country and she is probably trying to save for the wedding itself along with presents, dress, shoes, etc.
Post # 5
Alot can change from now until November…and it seems to me that you are going down the road to speaking to her LESS unless you sit down and talk to her. If you feel animosity toward her now I would not make anything official until you resolve it.
When you say you “put it out there” does that mean you asked her to be your bridesmaid? I’ve been a Bridesmaid or Best Man for a friend in a different state and I wasn’t able to be involved as much with the planning, and I tried my hardest to show up for the shower and bachelorette party but that was about all I did. I was very honored to be in her wedding party, but I was far away. We did, however, talk every week.
Post # 6
i think the best plan is to talk with her.
if you’ve already asked her, but you feel regret, you need to be honest and talk out your issues.
i know it’s a touchy area, but honestly, if she’s a real friend, she’ll be standing there through all this. i know i asked my BM’s for exactly that reason.
and don’t listen to other ppl’s opinions about the girl, do what YOU feel is right
Post # 7
I agree w/ MissAsB that being an out of town bridesmaid is difficult. It’s also difficult to ask people to spend their hard earned money on parties and events for you. It would definitely be a little harsh to kick her out again, but if the friendship isn’t there, maybe you need to have a talk w/ her about the entire thing…and try not to let emotions run so high…
Post # 8
Well we were very close until i moved to NY she lives in FL. Our friendship kinda of went more south after the engagement party. Im also an out of town bridesmaid for another friend of mine and im missing some of her important events but i would think as a best friend i would atleast be there.. I guess im too emotional about the whole thing.
I never came out and said would you be my bridesmaid it was kinda of like an obvious invite. i should just keep her in it and move on =)
Thanks soo much for the advice.. im new to weddingbee and this is such an amazing site!
Post # 9
Welcome to WB!
I didn’t mean to sound too harsh. After I re-read my post, it didn’t come across the way I wanted it to. You obviously want everyone with you for your special events, but it just can’t always work out that way. I was a little upset that not all of my BMs could make it to my bachelorette party, but with everyone’s schedules these days, there’s no way I could expect them to all be there for every event. Know what I mean?
Post # 10
i think its a bit rude of you to call her out just because she didnt attend your engagement party – its just an engagement party and i would hate to add up how much it would have cost her (flight, accomodation, meals, outfits etc) and its not even the wedding. i would have thought that being there and prepared for the wedding is the important part
and i really dislike it when people judge what other people do/spend with their money – you dont know all the facts on if she has been “spending like no other” or not – maybe a good friend was buying her drinks, maybe shes a cheap date or she had spare cash, its her money to spend as she wishes.
as far as friendships going south once you are engaged, it happens. it doesnt make either of you bad friends, it just means priorities change and people take different paths in their lives
Post # 11
not you didnt come off harsh 2peas in a pod.
My feelings were just really hurt with her She did state that she wouldnt miss it for the world. She really was like a sister so thats why i was shocked. Thanks for all the input
Post # 12
So…you’re missing “important events” for a friend’s wedding in which you’re a bridesmaid but you are wanting to throw out one of your bridesmaids for missing an engagement party? What’s the difference?