(Closed) Do I really have to invite him? Help a girl out, bees!

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Do I really have to invite him?
    The rules stand-- if you invite one cousin, you have to invite them all. : (0 votes)
    You get an etiquette pass-- this guy's a deal breaker. : (49 votes)
    98 %
    Other-- leave a comment. : (1 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    46160 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I say no. Etiquette be damned, I would not invite such a potential landmine to the wedding.

    If you are old enough to get married, you are old enough to assertively tell them ” We are not inviting ___ to the wedding.” Don’t make excuses, don’t engage in any discussion or argument. Just keep repeating ” We are not inviting ___ to the wedding.”

    Post # 4
    Member
    278 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I’m not inviting my mom’s brother – several members of my family, including my mother, cut ties with him years ago.

    Post # 5
    Member
    397 posts
    Helper bee

    I agree… don’t invite him… it’s YOUR and FI day!!!

    Post # 6
    Member
    2082 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    If it were me, I wouldn’t invite them.  If they’re that out of it and pose a legitimate threat to the success of the day, (ie stealing gifts, making rude speeches, being obnoxious) then you have every right to not invite them.  Regardless of what your parents say, ultimately the day is about you and your fiance and what you want.  If neither of you are comfortable with him there, then don’t invite him.

    On the flip side, if your parents put on enough pressure and you decide to invite him AND he shows, I would tell your dad then that he’s responsible for him since he insisted he come.   Meaning he needs to keep his behaviour under control, have an eye on him at all times, and if any gifts go missing, he can replace them. 

    That would be my approach.  Because ultimately, it’s your wedding day and theoretically you only get one.  Don’t worry about making anyone else happy but you and your husband.

    Post # 7
    Member
    3697 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Who is telling you that you have to invite him?

    Post # 8
    Member
    3983 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I have 8 cousins. I invited 1 of them. And mine arn’t nearly the mess that your cousin is. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    3265 posts
    Sugar bee

    @Sugar_and_Spice:  there is no etiquette rule of “all or nothing”. Many brides choose to follow this, because they don’t want to deal with the fallout.

    The only thing etiquette says about who must be invited, is that both halves of social units must be invited. That is it.

    I voted other in your poll, since there is no need for a pass, as no rule is being broken.

     

    Post # 10
    Member
    5663 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @Sugar_and_Spice:  pass!! People like that are etiquette fails in and of themselves!

    Post # 11
    Member
    10454 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2014

    Nope! Haha your poll has ZERO for inviting him. 

    Post # 14
    Hostess
    7561 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2013

    As long as you’re not worried about offending him, I wouldn’t invite him. This doesn’t seem to be a problem since you mentioned that you already cut ties with him. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    1011 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @Sugar_and_Spice:  Don’t bother inviting. If your parents ask, simply explain that it’s your decision not to include such a toxic person at your festivities. It’s a day of celebration, not ranting like a certain well-known male celebrity who had a meltdown (minus the ‘adonis DNA’ and ‘godesses’). Just make sure either you have security to escort him out should he arrive, or make sure he doesn’t know the date of the event. Good luck!

    Post # 16
    Member
    342 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    If your mom would like to babysit him for the entire evening – i.e. making sure he doesn’t steal ANYTHING (people will be leaving purses out), making sure he doesn’t put on a show and steal your spotlight, making sure he isn’t getting high in the bathroom – then maybe I can see it. I’m betting she won’t go for that. Therefore there is no reason for him to be there.

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