(Closed) Do I really need all the unnecessary additions?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
7794 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@vivalavida:  We didn’t dance and I didn’t toss the bouquet.These aren’t etiquette (things you have to do to avoid being rude) – they are just traditions. I agree with not doing traditions you’re uncomfortable with – it’s your wedding!

Post # 4
Member
2553 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@vivalavida:  We are!!!! We cut out the huge crowd and the dancing and are going to a very nice steakhouse for dinner instead (taking my huge ballgown with me.) We love food so we picked somewhere with food and drinks to die for and its going to be amazing. We are both so excited and happy we went with what we wanted!

Post # 5
Member
648 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Please consider proofreading your posts before you submit them:)

That being said, I’m definitely skipping the bouquet toss but keeping the dancing. I don’t think it would go over well if I left out the dancing, even though I’m not a good at it.

 

Post # 7
Member
2956 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 1998

@vivalavida:  maybe you would be better off eloping then

Post # 8
Member
648 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@vivalavida:  Exactly! It’s your day, your vision, your memories and ultimately your choice. It’s funny how many guests have an opinion about something they’re not paying for. It always reminds me of a board on here where the poster said “No pay, no say!” Words to live by, hehe.

Post # 9
Member
4687 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

@BabyCarat:  No pay, no say, that is AWESOME!!! Or in my case terrible because my parents took over the guest list because they’re paying for over half. Sigh

 

Do what you want! Guests are going to bitch either way. It’s the only guarantee of your wedding.

Post # 10
Member
7183 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@vivalavida:  I don’t think you have elope to avoid the dancing part. Maybe on the invite you can write something to indicate that it’s just a dinner or cake reception or whatever you’re doing so they know. Some guests might even like that there is no dancing as they might not be into dancing either.

Post # 11
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I feel the same way, we are cutting out a lot of traditions from your average wedding. The FI and I hate being the center of attention and decided when it comes to the dance we are just going to use it to honor all our friends and family. Our Bands M.C is going to anounce that there will be only one “Special Dance” and invite everyone to join us on the dance floor because they are all a special part of why we have made it to this point in out lives.

 

Post # 12
Member
2743 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Disney

We arent having dancing or a bouquet toss. We are having fireworks at the cake cutting instead 🙂

Post # 14
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013
Post # 15
Member
1696 posts
Bumble bee

From the perspective of etiquette, all that is actually needed is 1) a wedding, to whit the legally binding minimum requirements which are normally the exchange of vows before witnesses and an officiant, and 2) a ‘reception’, to whit a period following the legal wedding where you greet those who were present for the cerremony and offer them refreshments. The refreshments can be minimal: a cup of ale at the pub across the street from the courthouse is classic, but a non-fat latte at the Starbucks next door to the pub would also do.

That’s it. Vows, followed by refreshments for your officiant and witnesses. Everything else is unnecessary: white gown, flowers, photographers, cake, DJ, chair-covers (especially the chair covers!), bridesmaids, garters, centrepieces, bouqet-tosses, rehearsal dinners, out-of-town bags, favours, dancing, rental tuxes: everything.

If you are planning to invite friends and family, then the most traditional wedding would be vows at a church or club followed by tea, coffee and cake in the foyer or church hall. And that’s all you need to do. I priced it out a while ago for a hundred guests: if you are a church or club-member who gets to use the clubhouse for free or for a nominal charge, the whole affair can be done very graciously for $2160 not counting the cost of rings. (and for even less of course, if you cater it yourself and do not need to pay the officiant).

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