Post # 1
Question for you bees. One of my best friends (let’s call him “John”) has been dating “Jane” for a few years now. I went to high school with both of them, and was friendly with Jane back then. We only began hanging out since high school since she’s been dating John.
John and Jane don’t live together. Since they’re a couple, I’m definitely inviting both of them to the wedding. Do I send a STD to both John and Jane, or just to John, since Jane is technically his “plus one?”
I really doubt it would happen, but what if they break up before the wedding? Obviously my loyalties lie with John. But I also don’t want her to feel left out if she doesn’t get a STD because I think it’s pretty obvious she’ll be invited. John is going to be an usher at our wedding.
What to do? Send a STD to each? Only to John?
Post # 3
For what it’s worth, I can definitely see them getting engaged in the next few years. They seem very happy together.
Post # 4
@kb7: Send it to John. That’s the friend that you are “closest” with. If they are dating, I am assuming he will bring Jane to the wedding so I’m sure he’ll let her know to STD. Another thing to think about – would you invite Jane on her own regardless of John? In that case, both should get their own STDs.
Post # 5
- Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016
I would only send an STD to someone I was planning on sending an official invitation to since usually STDs say “formal invitation to follow” or something like that (: If you’re planning on addressing John’s invitation with “and guest” instead of sending them separate invitations, I think you only need to send John an STD.
Post # 6
@kb7: Would you invite Jane to the wedding if they broke up?
I know you’ve said your lovalties would lie with John, but if, for example two of my friends broke up and I hang up with one more than the other… it doesn’t mean I wouldn’t invite the other friend.
So I say:
If you’d invite her after break up: Send both STD’s
If not: Just send STD to John
Post # 7
For my friends in relationships where they dont’ live together, I addressed the STD and invite to John Smith and Jane Doe. Not sure if that was proper etiquette but no one had a problem with it.
Post # 8
I’d send it to John with the assumption that he’ll let her know, seeing as she’ll be his +1. Although I agree that if she’d be invited regardless of whether they were together, you could send her one, too.
Post # 9
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
I disagree with most – I’d send it to both. It sounds like you’re friends with both of them, right? I think STDs should be sent to both unless the “plus one” is truly just a plus one… like, hey invite that girlfriend I’ve only met once, or hey bring a date if you want. If you know and hang out with both of them, it seems rude to only send him an STD.
On the extreme off chance they break up, I’m sure she probably won’t want to go, as her ex clearly was the “in” to the wedding.
Post # 10
Great question – we’re planning on sending out our save the dates before Thanksgiving, so it has been on my mind too.
I was thinking of doing the “John X and Jane Y” and sending to the guy (he’s our close friend), but I’m still undecided.
Post # 11
I am friend’s with both, but if they hadn’t started dating, I probably wouldn’t hang out with Jane often if at all.
If they broke up, I probably wouldn’t invite her only out of respect to John.
If/When they’re still together at the time of sending invitations, I’m definitely going to send her her own. So it seems strange to not send her a STD.
Post # 12
@cranraspberry: Sending one just to him, but with her name on it also, could also work. But technically that’s against “ettiquete.” Just don’t know how closely I want to follow it!
Post # 13
I would probably only send it to John’s house but address it to the both of them.
I might feel a little hurt if my SO was on the card and I was considered a plus one. I feel as though a plus one is like saying “I don’t want to put the plus one’s name because you might not work out”. But I’m not all up on the etiquette, so maybe I’m wrong.
Post # 14
Unfortunately this is the case with some of our other friends too, like my MOH. She’s been dating a guy for a while and I definitely want to invite him by name. But do I send him his own STD? Put his name on hers? What if they break up?
My FI and I were invited to the wedding of a college friend earlier this year (who he’s met many many times) and the invitation was addressed to both of us, but the place card said “kb7 and guest.” Kinda rubbed me the wrong way, so I just want to make sure everyone feels welcome!
Post # 15
I’m not really concerned about the etiquette thing per se (if I were the +1 I’d be flattered to see my name on the envelope and know that the couple remembered it!), but in our case the guy lives with his parents, so that kind of compicates things… If he were living alone it would be a no-brainer, but putting her name on the envelope and sending to his parents’ house feels a little odd. 🙁
Post # 16
I had someone like this and I just put her name on the STD but both on the invitation. Much less chance they will break up in the 6-8 weeks between invitation and wedding than in the 6-8 months between STD and wedding.