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Do I tell her?

posted 1 year ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Do I ask my friend to be MOH even though she can't make it or help with the planning?
    Yes - ask her anyways! : (28 votes)
    65 %
    No - don't mention it. : (15 votes)
    35 %
  •  
    1.
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    6 posts
    Newbee
    basil04    April 16, 2011  

    I just found one of my friends is pregnant and I'm super excited for her.  She's due 10 weeks before my wedding and lives across the country.  She said she'd try to make it but I know she won't be able to.

    I was going to ask her to be my MOH.  Do I still ask her or not?  I don't want her to feel bad about not being able to make it, but maybe she'd like to know that I honor our friendship?  But then if I decide to have someone else as MOH since she won't be there - will she be offended?

    I don't plan on having any other bridesmaids - just a MOH.

    Thanks for your advice!

     
    2.
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    141 posts
    Blushing bee
    Ivlanie    December 31, 2010  

    I would tell her exactly what you just wrote. So she knows that she was your first choice, but that you understand that due to the baby it would be too complicated for her.

    Best of luck!

     
    3.
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    3,096 posts
    Sugar bee
    2dBride    October 6, 2009   Washington, DC.

    Why do you know she won't be able to?  I went to my brother's wedding when my first child was 3 weeks old.

     
    4.
    Member
    2,655 posts
    Sugar bee
    Tanya123      

    I'm with 2dbride.  How do you know?  The baby will be 2-3 months old when your wedding rolls around.  Even if she had a c-section, she'd probably feel well enough to go by then.  She might have to cut the evening short to take care of the baby.  But who cares?  If you want her, ask her.

     
    5.
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    6,023 posts
    Bee Keeper
    jo.lee    September 10, 2011   Indianapolis

    I would probably ask her, but be very clear that you're not expecting her to help with wedding tasks, and you certainly understand if she declines. :)

     
    6.
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    1,479 posts
    Bumble bee
    mrstilly    May 15, 2010   Ithaca, NY

    I'll have a 7 week old and will be flying with DH and baby from NY to FL for my sister's wedding. If she's close enough to you for you to ask her to be your MOH, then she'll probably really try to make it. It's totally possible if she doesn't have complications.

     
    7.
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    3,941 posts
    Honey bee
    bRooklynRocks      

    I agree with the previous posters. Give her the opportunity to say No. I'm sure you will be pleasantly surprised. I've heard of people going to weddings after giving birth within 4 weeks.

     
    8.
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    523 posts
    Busy bee
    Cheeks11    April 8, 2011   Dallas, TX

    I agree. Just ask her and give her the opportunity to decline before making the decision for her.

     
    9.
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    1,202 posts
    Bumble bee
    nmsoonerbride    March 19, 2011   Live in New Mexico, wedding in Oklahoma City

    I think it would be great of you to ask her.  But you should also be realistic about the fact that she may say yes, but that newborns are unpredictable, and so there is a chance that she'd have to cancel at the last minute.  As long as you are okay with that, I'd say ask her.

     
    10.
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    74 posts
    Worker bee
    SenoritaRita3    September 9, 2011  

    I voted to still ask her but if there's another person that you are contemplating having as MOH you could just have 2. I have seen a lot of things about having a maid of honor and a matron of honor. Maybe that would work for you?

     
    11.
    Hostess
    7,271 posts
    Busy
    Beekeeper
    Gemstone    July 2011   Cincinnati

    I say if you are close enough with her to want her to be your MOH, then she deserves to know! She'll choose what is best for her, and she won't hold anything against you!

     
    12.
    Hostess
    10,917 posts
    Sugar
    Beekeeper
    bakerella    September 11, 2010   Toronto, ON

    Ditto what the other girls said. She would appreciate the "hey I love you!" chat and knowing there's no pressure either way.

     
    13.
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    6 posts
    Newbee
    basil04    April 16, 2011  

    Thanks everyone!  When she told me she was pregnant she added that she probably wouldn't want to leave the kid.  It's her first and I totally support her decision. I just want her standing next to me at the ceremony and laughing & having girl talk with me as I get ready - if she can make it.  So I think I'll let her know.  Thanks everyone!

     

     
    14.
    Member
    1,355 posts
    Bumble bee
    ceamoste    September 3, 2011  

    Maybe she'll appreciate her first 'chance' to get out into the world? I know a lot of new mothers feel house bound in the first few months, so it might be nice for her!

     

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