Weddingbee boards

So I just noticed that the ring I have had my eye on for over a year is on SALE! The normal price is around $3000, but I just found it discounted to $2000! The catch is that the reason it's been discounted is because it is pre-owned. And honestly I am not opposed to having a pre-owned ring. I always cringed at the $3000 price tag, but I know it is totally worth it. So the fact that it's now less is amazing.

I think money is one of the reasons my SO hasn't bought a ring yet, so I am planning to show this to him tomorrow in hopes that he will buy the ring now, while it's extremely discounted. He should be receiving his tax refund soon, so the money shouldn't be a huge issue. (We've worked out his previous financial situation, so we're in a much better place now.)

My dilemma is, I'm a little scared to bring it up because I've been trying not to mention the ring or anything regarding engagement, to avoid being too pushy. He told me he will be proposing "before summer" so I am trying to fall back and let him do his thing. I know he wants to pick the ring, although we did go shopping a couple of times (about 6-8 months ago) so I could show him what I liked. A while back I even showed him this ring online, and he told me to e-mail him the link, so I did. But I've also showed him other rings, and e-mailed him one other link, so he probably doesn't remember this one specifically. I do know that he saved both e-mails with the links in a personal folder he created in his e-mail account (yes, I snooped), but I doubt he's looked at them recently.

I REALLY want this ring. What should I do?

If I were you, I'd point it out in a, "Hey, you know I love this ring and normally it's 3k but it's 2k because it's preowned.  You don't have to buy me a ring or propose to me anytime soon, I just thought it's kind of cool that even the rings I'm in love with can be found for less money and don't want you to break the bank if you ever decide to shop for one," way.  It's clear that you love the ring, and that it's on sale, and sales like this can be found on rings you love, and you're okay with a preowned ring, but you're also being clear that there's no pressure to buy it.

@love108:  "nothing close in price has even come close to the awesomeness of this ring!" <----How I feel about this ring!!! Your situation is very close to mine. Thanks for sharing.

"some guys think the more you spend on it the more special it is or something, like a pride thing" <--- This is my SO.

Money is a concern, although he may not think so (he's not the best at managing money). We're not rich and we are saving for a future, so in my mind we should be frugal about a ring purchase. He always wants me to have the best, so he tends to look at more extravangant rings, and may not even be OK with buying pre-owned. But I guess I'll find out! My powers of persuasion on him are pretty good ;)

@KatyElle:  It is THE ring.

@OMFGitsJozLOL:  I'd like to just mention it without persuading him to buy it. But then that doesn't guarantee that I'll get it!

@allergicbee:  I agree that pre-owned is a smart way to go. I had never really considered it though, until I saw this one! That fact that your SO bought the ring you wanted two days later is awesome. I hope it happens that way for me!

You defintely have a point that a guy would not be OK with buying pre-owned because he'd think his girl wasn't ok with it. I'm sure this is the one.

I see the majority voted that I should tell him the ring I love is discounted but let him decide what to do with the information. And I know you guys are probably right. But if I begin telling him about it, I know myself and I don't think I can leave the conversation without knowing whether he plans to get it! Not knowing would kill me inside and not having this ring knowing it was available at such a good price would break my heart. (I'm being a little dramatic).

He's a tough cookie. Because he has to like the ring in order to get it for me. I am thinking about taking him with me to try it on, in order to convince him that it's the one.

My other dilemma is, I never wanted to be that girl waiting while I know he has the ring. I'd rather not know anything until he actually proposes. Ideally I want to be completely surprised. But if I want this ring, looks like I'll have to give up that dream!

For those of you who voted that I should forget about this ring, I'm not sure I can. Could you do that?

@Reign14:  I voted tell him but let him decide, but I could forget about "the" ring.  If you'd never seen it, you never would have been in love with it in the first place and would have fallen in love with something else.  You can pretend that it's a married ring who is happily in love with its wife so it can never leave its wife for you.

What may be a good compromise is to let him use a stand-in ring for the proposing and then go ring-shopping together?

Also, is it possible this ring will pop up again as a pre-owned sale?  If so, there's no rush to jump on this deal.  If not, I like katyelle's suggestion of taking pictures to make a replica.

@tehlilone:  I think I agree with 100% of everything you just said. That's pretty much how I feel. This way I am kinda leaving it up to him but still using my powers of persuasion to let him know how much I really want it, and hoping he does the right thing! He loves me and wants to make me happy, so I think he would.

HappierKate I see your point about if I never saw this I wouldn't want it. But since I did see it and do want it, it's hard to think that way. If I hadn't seen it on sale, I was planning to show it to him again soon anyway but leave it up to him what to get me just in case he didn't want to spend that much. He would never use a stand-in ring because there's really no need to. He'd just wait until he's ready and get the one he wants me to have. And I am not going to count on this ring ever being offered as pre-owned again...no way to know and too much of a gamble. I always look at their pre-owned and had never seen it up until now. So I am going to look at it as now or never (at this price).

Well, THAT didn't go well. I showed him the ring on sale and he kinda acted like he didn't want to see it. So b/c of his reaction I kinda pushed a little more....and then *sigh* suggested he buy it before it goes away. I know I wasn't supposed to and I didn't mean to, but he was acting a little weird, and I thought we were past the weird state when it comes to marriage talk, so I guess I got aggravated. 

Long story short...as a result of his reaction (which I completely misinterpreted) I ended up venting to him a few of my frustrations. Then this caused him to pull out the e-mail I sent him a year ago with the link to the SAME ring, to prove he pays attention. I honestly didn't even think he actually remembered. I tried to tell him that it was $1000 less and that's why I was showing it to him. But his response was "the money doesn't matter" and "you're taking all of the romance out of it" and "you're not supposed to know about what I'm gonna do." He also kinda spilled the beans that he's working on it now! 

So like I kind of suspected, he is dead set on doing EVERYTHING on his own. And I guess my powers of persuasion aren't as good as I thought they were. I kinda blew it when I started venting. I should have dropped the conversation after I showed him the discounted ring. I think he was OK with talking about it when it was further away, but now that it's closer he doesn't want to talk about it and spoil the moment. He's pretty traditional, I guess.

So who knows if I'll get my dream ring....I guess I just have to let it go and leave it up to him. Which ironically is what I'm SUPPOSED to do anyway. *Sigh*

Well, I just went to the site where the ring is, and it was sold. I can't help but wonder if he bought it. Guess I won't know for a while. And it's probably best I assume he didn't so I'm not disappointed when he proposes with a different one.

I wish I never got involved in this. It's so much easier to let the guy handle everything!

@amyzta:  You're so right! I should have listened.

@BayStateBride:  I now wish I had taken the e-mail route. Because then I wouldn't have had the opprotunity to run off at the mouth! 

I'm surprised at all the responses saying to tell him!  If you're trying to avoid pushing him, discussing the purchase of a ring, whether it's $20 or $2000 is going to make him feel pressured.  Sorry it didn't go well for you, but he obviously wants to surprise you and do it on his own time.  Let him :)