Do I tell my friend his wife (they're newly separated) is sleeping around?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Would you want your friend to tell you that your (newly separated) wife is sleeping around?
    Yes, you're my friend and you owe it to me to tell me what you know. : (66 votes)
    31 %
    No, mind your own business! I would be upset with you for butting in : (118 votes)
    56 %
    I would be upset i found out later that you didn't tell me : (27 votes)
    13 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    748 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I vote no because it’s total heresay. You didn’t see her leave the bar with a guy let alone sleep with him. Who says the guy is telling the truth that he slept with her? He could be saying he did to impress his friends. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    845 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @coastalwife:  I’d stay out of it, unless he asks directly. Especially because while it’s from a “reliable” source, it’s still secondhand information. John and Jane are separated and being separated generally means you can pursue other relationships, even if you’re still communicating with your ex (and sadly, even if your ex misses you). It’s true that Jane isn’t being considerate of John’s feelings and it would be best if she ceased communication with him if she wanted to pursue others. But it really is up to John to find the truth if he tries to start a relationship with Jane again. If that happens and he comes to you for advice, THEN you tell him. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    342 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    To quote Salt n’ Pepa….

     

    If I wanna take a guy home with me tonight
    It’s none of your business
    And she wanna be a freak and sell it on the weekend
    It’s none of your business
    Now you shouldn’t even get into who I’m givin’ skins to
    It’s none of your business
    So don’t try to change my mind, I’ll tell you one more time
    It’s none of your business

    Post # 6
    Member
    1367 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @remijp:  +1

    OP I totally understand why you want to tell him but at this point I’m not sure it’s the best idea.  I would wait and see what happens.  He may meet someone else and it won’t be an issue.  Or who knows, maybe she might be willing to tell him about it on her own (doubtful but you never know.)

    Post # 7
    Member
    989 posts
    Busy bee

    @coastalwife:  I say no. They are separated so what she does now is not a betrayal to him – they’re not together so neither owes the other any loyalty. You may think it will help him move on to hear that she has, but in actual fact, he may resent you for telling him that information. If he asks, then tell him. But if they’ve parted ways because she wasn’t ready to settle down, then her dating/sleeping with other guys may be assumed.

    Post # 8
    Member
    610 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    @coastalwife:  I agree with the previous poster who said no because it’s heresay.  You should only repeat that which you saw with your own eyes.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1883 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I voted no…only because they are separated. He has to have some idea that this is a possibility (and probably REALLY doesn’t want to be reminded of this fact), and if they ever decide to get back together, this is their issue to figure out. I think if he ever came straight out and asked for the information you should tell him what you know, but otherwise I don’t think it’s yours to reveal. I know it will make you feel like a shitty friend, but honestly this might be your only way to preserve the friendship. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    7195 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @coastalwife:  I disagree with PPs. Tell John what you know. Not “he’s sleeping around” but “this is what I’ve been told”.

    If I was in John’s shoes, that is what I would want my friends to do. I would want any information I could get. And you say John is your close friend.

    Post # 11
    Member
    3989 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    No, they’re separated and she can do whatever she wants.

    Post # 12
    Member
    5839 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @coastalwife:  I would ask general questions “While you are separated are you guys allowed to date/sleep with other people?” I would make some kind of joke about Ross and Rachel and how that miscomunication led to a lot of problems. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    27 posts
    Newbee

    I actually had the same thing happen to me and I found out that somebody else knew. My first question was why did you not tell me? Needless to say, I know that you don’t want to get involved, but you know your friend best and friends should always be there for one another and come first. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    2783 posts
    Sugar bee

    @coastalwife:  I don’t think you should say anything. It’s really none of your business and on too of that, they’re separated…she can do whatever she wants.

    Post # 15
    Member
    27 posts
    Newbee

    Wow, I also like how some of the women on here are all, well they are separated when in reality if it was done to them, then they would be heartbroken over it. 

    It’s separation, not divorce! You are still legally married, therefore it is technically cheating!

    Post # 16
    Member
    3989 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @LovestoTravel:  in a lot of states you have to be legally separated for a certain period of time (in VA if you have kids, it’s an entire year) before you’re even allowed to get a divorce.  If you know your marriage will come to an end after that year, would you not see other people because it would “technically” be cheating?

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