Do I write a thank you note to guests that bailed?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
562 posts
Busy bee

They didn’t share your day, they didn’t send a gift. Unless you are writing thank you notes saying “hey, thanks for not showing up,” I am not sure you have anything to thank them for.

If they end up sending you something, write a thank you, even if it is after your one month mark

Post # 3
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

What would you be thanking them for?

Post # 5
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

There is nothing thank them for, so no card. That would be weird! 

Post # 6
7907 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Katepants:  I agree with PPs – what would you be thanking them for? Obviously thank them if they sent a gift, but otherwise, no thank you card. In fact, it would be weird to receive one in my opinion.

Post # 7
507 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

If they didn’t show up or send a gift, the thank you card might come off a bit snarky.

Post # 8
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Katepants:  No gift, no card, no attendance – no thank you necessary. Go ahead and send all your other thank you cards out. If you get a card from this couple after your thank yous go out, it’s not a big deal to send them a thank you card after everyone else.

Post # 9
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Katepants:  Thank you notes are for gifts. Your reception is the “thank you” to guests for attending your wedding ceremony. Sending a thank you to a guest just for attending the ceremony is not proper etiquette, and it can actually come across as gifty-grabby.

Post # 10
9540 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

I agree with PPs, if they didn’t attend and didn’t send a card and/or gift you don’t need to send a thank you. I disagree with PP, I think people who attended, whether or not they gave a gift, should still be sent a thank you card.

Post # 11
194 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

First, kudos to you for thinking about this. I think it says a lot about your politeness (is that a word?) that a) you want to get your thank you’s out promptly and b) you considered thanking these people.

That said, I wouldn’t thank them – as others have said, what do you thank them for? I’m one of those people who sends thank you cards for everything (I have to pretty much physically restrain myself from sending a thank you card to people for sending ME a thank you card haha) and even I think there’s nothing for you to do here unless you get a gift from them in the future.

Post # 12
5664 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

LOL what exactly would you be thanking them for? I’d not send anything until and IF they send you a gift. Not just a card either. You can verbally let them know you got the card.

Post # 13
2527 posts
Sugar bee

You could thank them in an email for letting you know ahead of time. But I written thank you card would be weird and even though you mean it to be polite, *etiquette* would say you were fishing for a gift.

So if they send a card, then send out their thank you. Otherwise don’t worry about it.

Post # 15
790 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Katepants:  Same thing happened to us – the guest even asked for our address to send a card/gift though she couldn’t make us. It’s been six months and we never received anything from her. No thank you card for her.

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