Post # 1
This is my first post here, but I have lurking around for some time now.
I am currently in a long distance relationship since one week. I moved to a foreign country 1,5 hours plane ride away. Thus, it is not that far, but I find it extremely hard still. So does my SO. We talk on skype 2-4 times a week, write severeal sms every day. I have a job here, it is a great opportunity for me and my SO is being very supportive.
However, both of us are finding it so difficult at times. We will see each other in 34 days, and we are counting them every day, reminding each other how many days are left etc. He cannot move to me right now because he has an apartment in our home town + job opportunities for him here are not very good. I just moved here, and do want to gain experience and this it my first real job after uni. I was not able to find a job in our country and am really lucky to have gotten this job (it is one of the big 4 companies).
Last night I cried myself to sleep, and not because I don’t like it here. THe city is lovely, the job is great, I already met a few great people here. I just miss my SO so so so much!!! And the thought of doing this for 2-3 years (this is our timeline for being reunited again) creeps me out. I will see him in 34 days for 3 full days, only because it is a public holiday. Otherwise, we will be able to see each other once a month for a couple of days. I know it is not as bad as people living on two different continents, but still…
So I wanted to ask the people here who are also in LDRs, does it get easier with time? Do you get used to it eventually? Or is it this hard ALL the time? I mean, I keep thinking may be it is hard now because I just left, and we have not seen each other yet for a visit.
Any peace of advice would be highly appreciated! I am really struggling here 🙁
Post # 3
So, I used to be in a LDR. My situation was similar to yours, I moved 4 hours from my family and hometown for a good (well paying) job andmy FI who actually technically lived with me. The issue for us was with his job he traveled for 3.5 weeks out of the month (straight, no coming home). He would be home for a few days then be back on the road. We did this for about a year and a half before he changed roles in his company and now rarely travels.
I knew noone (sounds similar to your situation). It does get better, but it won’t happen over night – try to get involved in something outside of work. It will take your mind off your SO being so far away.
I think it gets better in time because you get more used to it. You find things to fill the time in between seeing each other. But you’ll probably still count down (or we did :)). Good luck to you, hope you feel better soon 🙂
Oh! And welcome to the hive 🙂
Post # 4
Thank you so much for your encouraging words 🙂
I am trying to do stuff outside work, and it does help meeting new people.
I am just so glad to hear that you get used to it, and it gets a bit easier with time! Off course I don’t expect it to be easy, but at least I hope it will be less unbearable with time.
Oh thanks for your welcome 🙂 I love this site, and SO and I have talked about marriage, although he is not ready yet (he wanted to see how the LDR goes first), I hope for a proposal in a year or so (he knows that) 😉
Post # 5
@inlove_be: you are welcome! I’m sure everything will work out, just takes some time to adjust! 🙂
Post # 6
I’ve been in an LDR due to college for 3 years in May.When i came to school no one came with me and i didnt know anyone. I couldnt go home all the time because its 4 hours away. I just found things to do to fill the time. I joined Pep Band and the sorority and to be honest those are the girls that get me through my toughest times. Find a club or group to join in your community(since your not in college). It gets easier and I still count down until i get to see him but its worth it all if its going to help us have a more wonderful life.
Edit: We see eachother once a month except we dont see eachother Jan-March so 2 months
Post # 7
My FI found me half world away and we were in a LDR relationship for several years before I moved here to be with him. It’s not easy when you lived that far away from each other (about 22 hours flight). However, it gets better over time but never been easy though. In your case, you live just 1.5 hours flight away. I’m sure it will be easier for you to meet up with him often and spend more quality time together. Go out more with your friends, find activities to do and be happy by yourself. It will work.
Post # 8
Before I met my FI I was in a LDR and it did not get better. When I moved to the same town, it became worse. Obviously, I was in the wrong relationship.
My BFF is in a LDR and she will be moving in with him this summer. I am sincerely hoping it gets better for her!
I hope everything works out for you!
Post # 9
I think LDR gets easier with time. You get used to how long it will be between visits, and you get better at figuring out how to make your SO feel better about the distance (and they get better at helping you cope with it). We did LDR from about 5 months after we started dating till 1.5 years after we started dating. We saw each other once every month or two, which helped a lot. We did LDR again last summer for 3 months, with no visits. But we got engaged just prior to the LDR starting and we had been together for 4 years at that point. For some reason it was way way way easier the second time around. Probably because I knew what I was getting in to, our relationship was more solid, and we just knew how to function long distance. The lack of visits was hard, and the 2nd time around I moved to somewhere where I didn’t know anyone (for an internship that was way better than anything I could find locally). The first time around I was in high school so I still had all of my friends (though they were pretty busy with college prep). I think my age helped a lot too the second time around.
Post # 11
For us, LDR has gotten easier over time. The most important thing for our relationship was that we both spent time with other friends doing other activities, and didn’t allow ourselves to be bored.
Some days will always be harder than others, but I always take those days as signs that we are still in a healthy relationship. It’s normal to miss the one you love! But, making these sacrifices to have a better job and future is also worthwhile. The benefits we will gain in the end and the excitement of going to see each other keep me going.
Post # 12
DH and I were LD for about 2years. He moved back to his hometown for a great job and I had a great job a house and all my friends and family were i was living. So I wasn’t all alone.
You need to make friends and get out, maybe join a gym or see what the local clubs are in your area. It will also give you and you’re SO things to talk about other than the countdown till I see you again, which whenever we did that made me cry. We actually were lucky, as we both had office jobs, we could email all day long and than we had the same cell phone plan so calls were unlimited.
It is the hardest right after a visit too, so plan on doing something fun for yourself the next day, like a mani/pedi, just so you don’t start the … this time yesterday we were together.
There’s also games you can play online together. We went 6months between visits, that was the killer.
Post # 13
hugs!!! hang in there. you can do it!
how long have you been in your relationship prior to the LDR? i think this matters somewhat.
of course, i can’t predict how things will go for you but in my case, i would say yes..it does get better but it is never great.
my SO and i were together 3 years before he moved across the country for grad school 1.5 years ago. i am in grad school here so we were forced to be apart. we try to see each other every school break, mine and his – but it gets very expensive after a while.
i would say that the first year was pretty miserable. we missed each other and were struggling with our own lives – no longer really struggling with things together. also, fighting in person you can hug/kiss and make up. without the physical feedback it made things really rough to communicate lovingly during fights. it is hard to live your life in punctuated fasion, every time we would leave each other after a visit i would cry…even he would cry.
in the last few months we had a lot of issues that i feel were directly related to the LDR (communication, trust, feeling distance, etc) i think it really took us seeing each other in person where we devoted a lot of time and energy to communicate and work through/plan a workable way to manage those issues so that we could be a part of each others lives yet live our lives happily with 2300 miles between us.
we talk on the phone 2-3 times a day (breakfast, lunch, dinner or bedtime). text a few times a day. we only occasionally skype. visit each other as much as we can. i am pretty happy with it these days. we recently started making videos of us doing daily activity during our visits so we can watch ourselves happy together – it’s kind of corny but i like it! i miss him every day and really yearn for when we can be together again permanently. that said, i am thankful because we know we have each other and that is wonderfully, beautiful 🙂
i really think that an LDR relationship can benefit from some planning. and some dorkiness! hehe.
Post # 14
THanks everyone for your comments and encouraging words!
Right now I have a lot of ups and downs. Some days I feel fine and positive, other days it feels so painful to be away. I do try to be social and meet new people and keep myself busy by making plans often. It does help,but I think I miss my old friends as well, whom I know very well and can share everything with. It takes time to establish close friendships in a new place, so I guess I have to be patient.
I have been with my bf for 3,5 (4 years in October). Our relationship has not always been easy, but now we finally sorted out our issues and have grown and matured so much!
My heart goes to all of you who are current in LDR – I hope for the best for all of us!
Post # 15
A few of my friends have done the LDR thing. They are all either done LDR and married/about to get married, or they broke up. The ones who stayed together were the ones who had been together 2+ years when they went LDR, always for school/grad school. Because they were LDR for school, there was a date at which they knew the LDR would end.
Examples: Couple #1: Met in HS, LDR 4 years of college (minus summers), married on 7 yr anniversary, have been married 3 years now.
Couple#2: Met HS, dated college, LDR grad school (2yrs), married next month 8-9 year anniversary
Couple#3: Never LDR while dating, married after 3-4 yrs together, LDR for 2 years of work until transfer.
As long as you have build a solid relationship before going LDR and you know when LDR will end, you can do it!
Post # 16
@inlove_be: i’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling! your situation is somewhat similar to mine, in that we see each other a similar amount (once every month or so, for a few days), and that we were together for 3.5 years before LDR (although we actually broke up for 2 years, then got back together last year, when i was already living abroad).
i’m pretty sure that you will feel better about it as time goes on, as you get settled (a week is a short time!) and adjust to this new arrangement. SO and i are quite independent and we each have our own busy lives (he works, i study), our own friends and activities. but we also talk a LOT. he has unlimited minutes to call my number, and we talk several times a day, and skype often. in LDRs, i think communication is everything!
we also do silly things like play games together on our iphones through wifi, watch youtube videos together (reminds me of that film “going the distance”!), sending each other silly messages, etc. we tell each other we miss each other often, but we try not to dwell on it and just look forward to our next reunion 🙂
good luck, i really hope it gets easier for you.