(Closed) Do most women really think this way?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
758 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I certainly hope not.  Surprised

Post # 4
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

While I don’t think it’s the worst thing anyone could ever do (read: rape, torture, murder, wear tiaras)

It is heinous.

Post # 5
Hostess
3371 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Wow!!! Surprised Unfortunately, I know some people who have done this. The thing is, a kid is a two person kinda commitment and if he isn’t ready for you to be off of BC (and you aren’t) then don’t be! I mean, granted, people do get pregnant on BC sometimes, but lying about it? Not a healthy relationship in my opinion.

Post # 8
Member
3472 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

Sadly, too many of them do.  I’ve gotten similar comments because I have never once doubted my desire to be a mother one day (one day VERY far in the future– I’m in NO rush!!!) but my husband wasn’t/isn’t so sure.  It’s something he and I have talked about for countless hours and something that we are still working on deciding.  I’ve had friends, family members, and even just casual aquaintences mention it to me before and it’s quite possibly the most dispicable thing a person can do to their partner in my opinion– let alone to the child! 

 

Post # 10
Member
704 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

To me that’s guaranteeing yourself an unhappy marriage and a difficult life in the future. If he’s not ready for fatherhood, there’s usually a reason (or several) so forcing him to be a dad will just magnify all those reasons, such as struggling with his career, finances, not wanting to have those responsibilities yet. It will make him resentful and more combative, even if he’s not being that way on purpose.

A child should be a mutual product of love, not one of deceipt.

Post # 11
Member
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I would hope most of them are joking.  Poorly, but trying to be funny.  I was baby crazy, and most of my friends knew it, so I got this advice from many people.  I didn’t find it in bad taste because they knew DH was dragging his feet, *I* knew they were joking, and saying stuff like that was in our personality.  I did get this advice from one lady who wasn’t.  She told me go of the pill and not tell him.  I kind of chuckled and said he’d notice if we suddenly weren’t using condoms for back-up.  So she told me to poke holes in them!!!  She was completely serious, which is a little scary!

Instead of saying you’re on birth control right now, maybe say something more definitive so they know you’re more a willing participant in the holding off on kids.  Perhaps something like, “Whoa, we’re not interested in having a baby right now.”

Post # 12
Member
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

@harleyq:  A child should be a mutual product of love, not one of deceit.

AGREE!

Post # 13
Member
3689 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

My husband would divorce me for that.  And I’d wind up being a single mom sharing custody with a man who would hate my guts.   He’d love the kid, but despise me. 

I stopped the BC pills because of some side effects I couldn’t deal with any more.  But we use condoms now, and will continue to do so until we are ready to TTC.  If a condom breaks, and we truly have an “oops” we will have a baby.   We both know that.  But I will not deceive him and intentionally get pregnant until we are both ready.  

Post # 14
Member
2657 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

That sounds evil.

Post # 15
Member
2971 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

i actually have a friend who i could picture doing that. she was dying to get married and have a baby, despite the fact that her boyfriend (now husband) wanted them to take their time and wait a few years. for as long as i’ve known her it was all about marriage and babies and she’s “getting old” so she can’t wait too long (the girl is 23 for crying out loud). well, she finally got her boyfriend to marry her and i know next on the agenda (for her) is a baby. never mind the fact that the 2 of them are barely able to take care of themselves. so yeah, i could picture her forcing or tricking her husband into having a baby because she practically forced him to get married. i try to talk some sense and logic into and her, but it never seems to really sink in.

Post # 16
Member
1098 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I actually know someone who did this. A friend of mine’s brother is dating a girl who is totally wedding/baby crazy and she decided to just stop taking her birth control and not tell anyone, well of course she is now knocked up and ready to pop soon. Luckily the father has some sense and while he will be there to raise his child he already admitted to his sister that there is no way he is marrying this girl. 

I think it’s a pretty disgusting act, it’s not like bringing a cat home and saying “surprise!” it’s forcing someone to be legally and financially responsible for another life. 

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