Do paid vendors attend the rehearsal dinner if they attend the rehearsal?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 4
Member
7084 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Um, that sounds crazy to me. I would never invite a vendor to my rehearsal dinner! Perhaps you could just say something along the lines of “I’m sorry but we’re only having our bridal party and immediate family at the rehearsal dinner.”

And as far as the reception, we only offered to feed the vendors that were going to be there all night (photographer and DJ, but both declined). You are under no obligation to invite these people to the rest of your event.

 

Post # 6
Member
6273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@SakuraBlossomBee:  no, absolutely not should the vendors be at the rehearsal dinner. you are paying them to attend the reception and it looks like in this case also for the rehearsal only. (your family vendors that you personally invited can be there but no vendor should invite themselves).

as part of most vendor contracts, they ask to have a meal included.  ie. my videographer said a meal was only required if they are there for over 5 hours.

that being said, you just have to give them a meal.  it doesn’t have to be what all the guests are getting.  if you want to give them mcdonalds, give them mcdonalds.  many hotels provide a vendor meal which is much less than the guest meal.  ask your caterer about that.

Post # 7
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’ve never heard of this and it was weird and incredibly rude of people you only have a professional relationship with to invite thrmselves to somethng as intimate as a rehersal dinner. I think politely telling them your rehearsal dinner will be ‘family and close friends only’ would be best since it’s not even a lie. I can’t believe that out f these six people not one of them thought ‘hmm maybe inviting ourselves to a private dinner thrown by someone we don’t really know might be a little awkward’. 

Post # 8
Member
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Wow, how rude of them! Inviting themselves AND others?

Do they need to be at the rehearsal at all? The only vendor who is coming to the rehearsal are the officiants, and they do not attend either the rehearsal dinner or the reception.

Post # 9
Member
1881 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@ajillity81:  I doubt that they would need to provide a meal for the rehearsal though. This is only what, an hour? And they are being paid for it. I would understand if it were all night, which is why wedding vendors are provided a meal since they can’t exactly leave during the celebrations for a meal.

 

 

@SakuraBlossomBee:  As you are paying them for there services, no you do not need to invite them to the rehearsal. That is so bizarre. Do you know them outside of the working relationship? Like were they friends prior to this? Regardless I would just say that unfortunately you don’t have space and the RD is only for the bridal party and family.

Post # 10
Member
6273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@JrzyGurl:  that was for the reception, she doesn’t need to feed them the guest meal, they can get the vendor meal.

they SHOULD NOT be at the rehearsal dinner at all.

only her friendors that she personally invited.

 

Post # 11
Member
677 posts
Busy bee

You are not required to provide them with a meal for either event. The general rule is if they’re working greater than 4 hours, then you feed them (at least, that’s what I’ve seen with musicians in Toronto), which is why DJs, photographers, videographers and DOCs that aren’t from the venue get a meal. They should DEFINITELY not be inviting spouses, they are paid professionals there to do a job, not guests. When I was working as a wedding co-ordinator, I would never have said I needed another meal for my SO.

The easiest thing you can do though is point out that no meal requirement is listed in the contract. Simple.

Post # 12
Member
3249 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Sounds like they’re just trying to swindle a free meal out of you.  Tell them it’s just family.  Problem solved.

Post # 13
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@SakuraBlossomBee:  No you should not invite them to the rehearsal dinner!  I’ve never heard of this.  You hired them for services which sounds like they are outlined quite clearly.  And if they’re playing during the ceremony and not during the reception, I wouldn’t expect for you to have to provide a meal at your reception either.  If they are dismissed after ceremony, then they can go and eat elsewhere.  Isn’t the point of vendors including a meal in the contract because they will be at your wedding during dinner time offering services, and would be working and not able to eat dinner otherwise!

 

Post # 14
Member
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

“…since we’re inviting what looks to be paid vendors (photographers and the wedding singers) it wouldn’t be completely honest. However, I don’t think there is anyway this lady would have found out that the others were invited. Plus, since neither of them are charging for their services, and the fact that the singers are my cousins (family) and the photographers are my friends (new friends, but still great friends indeed), they aren’t really ‘vendor-vendors’.”

What you’ve said here should not be a factor in your decision making process whatsoever.  I know you’re trying to be courteous and classy, and that is certainly respectable, but you don’t need to be in this situation, IMO.  I would not tell them to F-off or anything like that since they will need to perform for your wedding, haha, but I would tell them what everyone else is telling you to say – that the dinner is only for family and friends in the wedding party.  That is typical and they don’t know, nor is it ANY of their business, whether your other “vendors” are invited, or whether they’re family/friends, whether you’re paying them, etc., etc.  You do what you want and feel comfortable doing and quite honestly, these presumptuous douchebags should be put in their place. 

 

 

 

 

 

Post # 15
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

They absolutely should not be inviting themselves.  Tell them you’re only inviting specific friends and family.  If they want to come, they can seat themselves at another table and pay their own bill.

Post # 16
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

My god that is incredibly presumptuous and rude!! We invited our officiant and her husband only to our rehearsal dinner. The officiant did come. You may need to provide a meal at the reception depending on how long they are there (as pp’s said) but if they are only playing your ceremony I don’t know why you would. I would a) find a way to tell them no because its totally crazy to pay for 6 people to come to your RD and b) confirm how many hours you are hiring them for and when thy are expected to be done (and leave) or you may very well end up with 6 extra wedding guests it sounds like!

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