Do People Give Up Too Easily?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
736 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@JessicaJupiter:  YES. Sometimes I feel like this site encourages this yet only hears one side of the story, which will always paint the OP in the better light. 

Post # 4
Member
5207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@JessicaJupiter:  I agree. Annnd it seems the  ‘leave him now’ advice comes more from those who aren’t yet married. It’s not that simple once you’ve exchanged those vows committing your lives to each other. Abuse is one thing, but fighting over comparatively trivial things is not something worth divorcing over.

Post # 5
Member
96 posts
Worker bee

@JessicaJupiter:  I agree with EVERYTHING you’ve said.  I’ve been married 33 years… good times/tough times.  We’ve been through it ALL and we’ve weathered it all.  If we would have split up over the loss of a job or immature name calling, well, we wouldn’t have made it too long. The only things that would have been a deal breaker for us is infidelity or abuse.  Thank the good Lord, we never had to deal with those issues.

You sounds like you have a great head on your shoulders!  Many blessings to you and your FI!

Post # 6
Member
8905 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

I think this is an oversimplification. Most of the time, I think that advice is directed at people who are obviously in emotionally or verbally abusive relationships. So not just “You’re being a bitch”, but repeated and cruel personal attacks that go way beyond that. Or gaslighting or other forms of insidious abuse. Or just crazy control issues that indicate a lact of respect and partnership – he “won’t let me” do XYZ, etc.

Sure it’s easy to advise that strangers break up when you’re not actually involved in the situation – but I think that reflects the reality that no one deserves to be in a relationship where they’re not respected. The people involved can lose sight of that. 

Post # 7
Member
42469 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@JessicaJupiter:  I think you are being unfair in your examples and over simplifying things tremendously.

Post # 8
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

YES!  All relationships are had work.  For #1 I also add the word c***. 

Post # 9
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I disagree. I’d 100% rather be divorced than be with someone who doesn’t respect me, and IMO namecalling like that indicates a serious lack of respect or appreciation for your partner. I’ve been with my husband for 6 years and he has never called me names.

Life is too short and offers too many opportunities to spend it in an unhealthy or unhappy marriage.

Post # 10
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@JessicaJupiter:  Yes, I think so. People treat marriage like a throwaway and I find it laughable. At least it makes me happy my relationship is nothing like any of the ones I read about! 

Post # 11
Member
7075 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would consider all 3 of those things you listed as possible deal breakers. Obviously not as a one time occurrence, but if it was a repeated pattern of behavior I wouldn’t live with that.

Edit: I’ve been with my SO 9 years, married for 1.5. I do think people should try to work through any issues, but if the other person refuses to attempt to change I would not hold it against them if they chose to end the relationship.

 

Post # 12
Member
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

In many cases, yes. Love isn’t a fairy tale where they “live happily ever after”. It’s not always exciting, or fun, or easy, and it’s at times downright hard. Some people expect this endless honeymoon. FI used to apologize for being boring when we’d do things like errands or grocery shopping instead of going out, but I was just like, this is LIFE. Not always fun, not always an adventure, but a comfortable, enduring companionship

Post # 13
Member
920 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I think sometimes people do give up to easily or they weren’t ready for marriage and made the mistake of getting married. I know several people from high school and college who got married, gave it a few months and are now divorced. Everyone should realize that marriage is about love and compromise and hard work. Some people don’t, and they aren’t willing to put in the effort needed. uff sad. 

Post # 14
Member
3394 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@JessicaJupiter:  I think being called a bitch is that bad. Saying “You’re being a bitch” and name calling are two different things. I can handle him saying “You’re being a bitch right now.” I’ve been married and divorced and had an 8 year live together relationship before I got to the point where I am now (where he would never call me names). Both my exH and my exLTR called me names and said horrible things to me. They were both abusive in their own right, though the exLTR was far worse.

I am on the other side, I think far too many people here recommend couples counseling. I don’t believe that couples counseling will make a man respect his woman when he just plain doesn’t (just my personal opinion). I couldn’t recommend a fellow woman to stay in a relationship where she’s consistantly treated like crap. I think a lot of girls standards are far too low.

Having/not having kids isn’t a deal breaker for you, but it is for some people. And some people say they do/don’t want kids and then after the wedding they change their minds. No one should be obligated to stay with someone who’s changed the rules on them. If they were then it should be fair for either person to force the other to go their way. That’s not a healthy relationship. Marriages fail when compromises cannot be reached.

Getting fired and being lazy/choosing not to work are two different things. 

Post # 16
Member
1234 posts
Bumble bee

I totally agree. I also think it’s ridiculous whenever people jump in and say “go to counselling!!!” I think sometimes counseling does more harm than good, by costing money (hey, isn’t that a main cause of divorce?), and by bringing in a third party. I think some couples need to learn how to communicate without needing a counselor and it becomes a crutch for some people. Of course, I’m not bashing counseling, I’m just saying I think people jump to it too quickly rather than attempt to work it out themselves or really consider whether counseling is the best option. 

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