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I hope its because people just don't realize, and not just b/c they don't care!
I think that people just don't really realize the impact it has on brides and their planning and budget.
Yeah, I was pretty clueless until I got engaged. I knew that I needed to come if I said I would come unless something pretty serious came up.
Actually, "wedding bootcamp" is a pretty good idea. A little bit of practice at giving and attending smaller-scale formal entertainments, could help everyone be a lot more relaxed when big events like weddings come along. Some experience dealing with caterers, some acquaintanceship with the local florists, some chances to experiment with centrepieces and decorations and escort cards -- would not only make the guests a little more appreciative, but probably make the brides a little less stressed.
@aspasia - That's a really interesting point! I bet in the past, people all did have "wedding bootcamp". Smaller formal parties were probably the norm, especially in upper class societies, and that's where all our etiquette rules and traditions and things are stemming from. Hmmm....
I think it's that people don't realize it until they've planned a wedding. I have some AWFUL wedding karma coming my way because of faux paus that I made prior to planning my own wedding. If I could take it back I would but I can't.
Yeah, I think the problem is that etiquette is not taught in school. BASIC etiquette isn't taught in school. And of course you can't count on parents to teach their children etiquette, most parents can't even teach their kids how to respect their teacher! If they had a high school class called "Basic American Etiquette" I would personally fund it for at least five years in my hometown!!
No one knows what is expected of them, or how rude it is to not RSVP, or how rude (and expensive) it is if they bring someone extra. I think if people KNEW they were being rude, there would be FEWER occurences...
Luckily I have TWO methods to check who's coming and who isn't. I have an rsvp and sign in area on my wedsite and then also will have the rsvp cards too in the invitations! Plus there's a std that they just got with all our wedsite info on it.
I'm making doubly sure they have a chance to do the right thing (rsvp).
People today are a bit too casual imho when it comes to parties. There is and always will be the right and wrong way to be a guest. Either they're lazy or clueless. One or the other.
Yep, I'm another one guilty of breaking all kinds of etiquette - only in my case that just means I plan to be extra gracious when others do the same. It's not intentional, it's just ignorance.
I definitely don't think it's because people don't care.
I'm a self admitted terrible RSVPer. I have only properly RSVPed to one wedding, For all the other weddings I've been invited to, I had good intentions and life just kept moving and I forgot. I'd usually end up emailing, texting or phoning in my RSVP, usually after it was due. Now I obviously know better, and I honestly knew better all the other times, but I just could never get it together.
I think a lot of people don't realize the work involved in a wedding and how important it is for the planner to have the numbers down. But, I also think that, as brides, we need to realize that our wedding is only in the forefront of our minds and a handful of others. Life never stops and our guests generally have a ton of other things to do, and sometimes they just forget. It's not meant to be mean or malicious, it's just something that happens.
I am guilty of rsvp-ing yes and not showing up, as well as never sending a gift! I cirnge when I think about it now, and wish I could take it back. But, it makes me realize I need to give a pass to some of my "clueless" friends bc I was once "clueless" too.
I'm putting a super organized bridesmaid in charge of contacting people who haven't RSVP'd within 5 days of the due date. She's also very diplomatic with a friendly Texas drawl, so I doubt she'll p.o. anyone in the process! We're doing assigned seating, so if somebody shows up that didn't RSVP, there's a decent chance they won't have a seat, hence the extra follow up.
I have learnt from planning my wedding that I will always, always RSVP in a timely manner.
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I feel that I have experienced and read about some pretty rude and presumptious behavior from wedding guests. Ranging from the minor but irritating not sending in RSVP cards, to the awful inviting others or just plain not showing up after RSVPing "Yes". Part of me wonders if this all stems from people not understanding how much effort, pain and money goes into wedding planning and how these little behaviors on their part end up causing major headaches for us. Maybe everyone should go through a wedding bootcamp so they get a taste of why these things are so important :)
Just had to get that out there. Rants, suggestions, etc. encouraged :)