Post # 1
So I had posted quite a while ago about deciding whether or not to invite FI’s friend’s bratty, terrible children. We discussed and decided against it, only inviting close family, which are my 3 1st cousins and THATS IT.
I facebooked msg’d the wife today asking if FI has given them their invitation, totally forgetting she was the whole reaosn behind the undecisveness on inviting the kids since she might make a fuss about it. She replied yeah, then made this comment:
“I am waiting to hear from MIL if she works that weekend or no if she works will only be ‘R’ coming 🙁 which will be the next battle in itself”
I immediately called FI and asked if I was being a pessimist here because I’m pretty sure she is trying to say that this would all be easier if the kiddos just came… he said “no, you’re being a realist, don’t play her game, just say that you hope she can make it”. Which I did and no reply yet.
But seriously?? Thats your excuse? Her parents and R’s dad are invited to the wedding, so they’re obviously unavailable, but you can’t get ONE babysitter to come for ONE night?! Or have the kiddos stay at a friends house for ONE night if you don’t think you’ll go home?? (They’re 10 and 8, so they’ve had plenty of sleepovers…). I don’t know what its like now, but when I was their age, if the g-rents were busy and Ma and Pa wanted to go out, they hired a babysitter!!
Post # 3
@CherryWaves: you will get all kinds of reasons that people don’t hire babysitters, but dont’ give in!!!
Post # 4
So you are not inviting kids and are now getting mad because she may not attend but her husband will? I don’t understand. You have every right to not invite children, but they have every right to decline to attend and stay home with the kids.
ETA-To me her message sounds like “I’m trying to figure out what to do with my kids, but if I have no options, I’ll just stay home with them and R can go to the wedding.” I didn’t really read it that she was asking for you to invite her kids.
Post # 5
@MightySapphire: I have to agree. IMHO what she says was, since the children are not invited I am trying to make arrangements for htem. We would both love to be there but if we can;t then one of us will be.
And unless you have children and are in their shoes economically then please don’t make assumptions that they can jsut pay some girl down the street 10 bucks for a few hours. Not everyone entrusts their children to strangers. And not everyone can afford an extra 50 or more for a sitter for a few hours on top of buying you a wedding gift.
Post # 6
We had a groomsmans wife do that exact thing. End of the day she found a babysitter and came.
Post # 7
@MightySapphire: I guess you have to understand that this woman plays games to get her way. This is her way of saying “Screw you, if the kids aren’t invited then I’m not coming. It would be a hell of a lot easier if I didn’t have to deal with MIL and the kids could just come”. FI’s known her for years and has completely agreed with me. I will not be angry or mad at other guests who can’t make it because they can’t hire a babysitter (which I still don’t understand, but thats your perogitive), but this woman is trying to get her way.
Post # 8
@StormyRose: I can make assumptions because FI and I know these people very well and R and him run the farm together. We know for a fact that there is cousins and friends close by that would gladly watch the girls, so there’s no need for her comment. And the fact that asking her MIL will “be a battle in itself” tells me right there that its a part of her game, because once again, we know that she has and will gladly watch them.
Post # 9
@CherryWaves:Well if you already know that she’s like that… why so upset about her supposedly predictable response? Just hope she doesn’t show up and limit your contact with her if you don’t like her games.
Post # 10
@CherryWaves: Perhaps you should have a different title to your post instead. This is personal not a generalized statement to which I was referring to. I was only trying to help, if you don’t want the kids there then don’t cave.
As to their monetary position I stand by what I wrote. You are not payign their bills so you do not know their finances.
Post # 11
@CherryWaves:I TOTALLY understand where you are coming from. FSIL is playing these games with us too, saying that FBIL will have to stay at the hotel with the kids until FMIL leaves the reception and then he will come. We have offered up a perfect babysitter that we would pay for, is in university, has babysat my cousins kids for 8+ years and FIL’s know her father. But, they “won’t leave her with a stranger”. Umm… your kids go to daycare?
At the end of the day though, they are the ones who end up looking kind of silly when people ask where FBIL is.
Post # 12
@KatyElle: Maybe I was hoping deep down she’d grown up a bit and I wouldn’t hear anything of it. You’re right. I’ve already limited my contact with her and am just going to ignore any other comments.
Post # 13
@CherryWaves: We dont hire babysitters. We only use family. So if all of our family was invited to something where kids weren’t going, then one of us wouldn’t go. I don’t see it as a big deal. When you invite people to something, sometimes they can’t make it for all kinds of reasons. Yes it stinks, but they have to make their own parenting decisions.
Post # 14
@CherryWaves: What an annoying woman. I think you should reply back with “http://www.sittercity.com/ ” and nothing else in the message. Haha. Maybe she’ll get the hint.
Post # 15
@CherryWaves: I don’t really understand what the big deal is. It seems like this is someone you don’t really care for all that much. If I were in your shoes, I’d be happy someone I didn’t like decided to stay home with their kids instead of coming to my wedding. Win-win, right?
This vent seems a lot more specific than your post-title and initial post let on. As a general rule, I don’t think I’d be upset if someone I invited to my wedding decided to decline on the basis of not being able to bring their kids. If I made the decision not to include kids in the invites, then I would honestly probably expect this response. This situation is obviously more complicated than that, but again, if someone that brings that much drama to things wasn’t going to be at my wedding, I’d breathe a sigh of relief, no matter what the reason.
Post # 16
No. I do not hire baby sitters. I only use family. And some people think that is weird, but it is how we do things. It sounds as if there is more to this story than the title of your post suggests, and I get that.