(Closed) Do people REALLY understand about not being invited/receiving partial invites?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Etiquette-wise, it is <span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>not okay to invite someone to your ceremony, but not the reception. It’s just like you wrote, “Hey, spend a bunch of time and money to get here, pay for your own accommodation, and buy us a present – but we don’t want to pay to feed you.” That’s really rude, especially when people are travelling from out of town.

$100/head for the reception is pretty reasonable in some cities, but it may be cheaper where you are. If you’re finding a sit-down dinner too expensive, why not consider an hors d’oeuvres or dessert reception. You can also save money by having a brunch or luncheon instead of dinner; people don’t expect alcohol earlier in the day, so you can save a lot of money.

Who’s paying for your wedding? If it’s you and your FH, then the mom’s shouldn’t really be dictating most of the guestlist, IMHO.

Post # 4
Member
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I think you’re 100% right. It’s rude to invite people to everything but the reception!

 I was invited to something similar & it put such a bad taste in my mouth. I would have been happier for the couple had I not been invited at all… instead I (and a ton of other guests in my situation) totally resented the after party & blew it off. It felt like a ploy to get a gift.

Post # 5
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’ve been having the same problem! My very supportive Mom, told me that in the end, it’s our wedding, and this is the one day in our lives that is truly all about us. So invite who you want and if anyone’s nose is out of joint about it, then they aren’t considering your feelings so screw ’em! This may seem like its oversimplifying the situation, but life’s to short to let such a thing shadow your wedding day! Good Luck!

Post # 6
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think a lot of couples go through this.  Who to ask? Because my FI and I have large families, we are going to be limited on the number of friends we can invite.  We are explaining to them that we can’t invite them, not because we don’t love them, but because we have big families that we need to put first.  

Good luck.  I know it’s hard but it will work out in the end.

Post # 8
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Maybe instead of throwing an after party for the people you can’t afford to invite for the reception (i.e. lots of friends), you can invite them to a “wedding celebration” at a local restaurant, making it clear (through word of mouth) that in lieu of gifts, they will be paying for their own meal/drinks. At least that would give you an opportunity to celebrate with them but not spend as much money on everyone as you would on your family.

Post # 9
Member
7976 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

um, I understood getting a ceremony-only invite twice in my life: once, when I met the bride and got to be quick friends with her about a month before her wedding (duh – she’d booked her numbers AGES ago!), and another time when I was a middle schooler getting invited to my sunday school teacher’s wedding. She invited us all to the ceremony but not reception. We all went together and sat in the back and felt grown up for getting to go to a wedding and not sit with our parents. Hah!

I think it would be harder for the early-20s folk to understand; are there other places you can trim your budget instead of heads? J and I decided we’d rather have more people and feed them less (which is it’s own breed of tacky), because it’s more important to us to be literally surrounded by those we love than it is to make everything look (or taste) perfect/up scale. 🙂

Post # 10
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I would rather not be invited to a wedding than get a “non-reception” invite, especially if I had to travel to be there.  If there isn’t any other place to cut back on the budget to include those people, then just be honest with them that it is a budget concern.

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