Post # 1
We are having a relatively small wedding with 150 guests at the ceremony and reception dinner. My future hubby has decided that he wants to invite a number of his school friends (mainly from highschool and teacher’s college) to ‘crash’ the recption after dinner – once the dancing and partying has started.
This ‘crasher’ list includes a few of my own schoolmates, though they are not people with whom I am extremely close. Basically, I added them to offset the number of additional people he has added.
My question is this: Do I invite the women from this group of ‘crash’ guests to my shower? My fiance says yes as many of them are girls he’s known for years and they are technically coming to the reception. However, I am not so sure as I do not know them terribly well at all (usually when we’re out with them I end up sitting there in silence because no one accepts my attempts at conversation much farther than "Hi! How are you doing?") and if I were to include them at the shower, my shower guestlist would be huge!
Is there anything in the ‘wedding etiquette’ handbook about inviting ‘crashers’? I don’t want to upset my fiance, but I also don’t see the point in inviting a handful of girls to my shower that I don’t know terribly well, or who I do know from school but who have not kept up with since school ended.
Post # 3
I don’t know what the "proper" thing to do is, but I can give you my opinion…
If you feel that awkward about it, then don’t invite them. It is your shower. If it were a joint shower then it would be a different story. I guess I am kind of comparing it to him inviting male friends of yours that he barely knows to his bachelor party.
Post # 4
Do not invite them to your shower. If they aren’t close enough to you and your FH to be invited to your whole wedding, I don’t think they need to be included in your shower. Explin to your FH that is not proper to obligate them to a shower gift (which is what your invitation would be doing) if they are not attending your entire reception.
Post # 5
I’m sure most of the advice you’ll get here will be "Absolutely not."
I don’t think girls that don’t know you would be too keen on coming to your shower — one where they probably won’t know anyone but each other!
If you really feel like they should get an invite, maybe have your FI mention it to them casually, "Oh hey, there’s going to be a shower X day, if you’re interested. gperry wanted you to know you’re welcome to come if you like."
The ettiquette police might want to kill me for that advice, but I’ve never been much for ettiquette, anyway.
A lot of the peeps coming to my shower aren’t invited to the wedding … it’s an open church shower, but the wedding isn’t open. I decided not to invite my FI’s female friends that I’m not friends with — even the ones that are invited to the wedding. It would be a little weird, I thought.
Just my opinion, though. Do what you think would be best accepted by your FI and his friends!
Post # 6
I wouldn’t invite them to a shower. A shower is generally for people who are really close to the bride – people who wish to celebrate the upcoming marriage at more than just the wedding. If these are casual friends, they shouldn’t be at the shower, and they definitely should not be invited if they aren’t coming to the whole wedding.
Post # 7
I think it’s halarious that you are inviting wedding crashers. LOL! I don’t think my venue would allow that to happen but what a funny idea!
And I agree with everyone else-d,on’t invite them to the shower.
Post # 8
If you feel at all uncomfortable about inviting them to the shower, just leave it be. I am sure they won’t be offended for not being invited to a shower, which as someone said above is often for just the bride’s nearest and dearest (with a medium/large wedding, it would be rare for every female wedding guest to be invited to a shower). You’ll feel more comfortable at your own shower if you aren’t worrying about them the entire time and can just relax and have fun with your closest family & friends.
Post # 9
Showers aren’t supposed to include every female guest invited to the wedding. Both of my showers were only very close, local family and friends…
especially since this group didn’t get invited to the wedding–I don’t think you have an obligation to invite them to the shower..
Post # 10
Thanks so much for all of your replies, bees! I think I knew the answer to my own question, but needed to hear it from some other reliable sources.