Post # 1
I think I may have lost more friends in the wedding process than I thought. I still go to university but usually come home to FH crying every night. I haven’t lived with FH all year but when we had a black mold outbreak in our apartment I had to move out. I’m finally feeling better but come home crying from the burden of feeling left out in all my classes. There are a lot of mean people in my major, I cannot get up and perform or talk about my life-plan (as one of my fianls) yesterday without being laughed at. My professors know it’s going on but the bullies are good at what they do and are almost never caught in the act of tearing me down or saying things behind my back when I am performing. It’s become such a distraction and as much as I try to close it out, it’s still there. They don’t know they affect me but dealing with this for years has brought back a lot of depression for me. And self-injury that I had in high school.
I can’t get in to see a counselor, I’ve already tried. They were full-up through the rest of the year. Some of my professors know how bad it’s gotten but I don’t feel like I can open up to them completely. Also, the way FH’s family has treated me has only added to making me feel worse.
But to what this post is really about…. lately I’ve been left out of everything and it really sucks. My housemates had a Christmas party I wasn’t invited to even though I was in town. I found out about it after. Some of my older friends and I would always go out to this one restaurant, they left me out at the start of the year but said they’d ask me when they went again. Well, they’ve gone 3 more times (I found out via FB) and I was never told about it. My roommate is gettingmarried a month after us. She has somuch support from our housemates, etc. I have none. In fact, one of my housemates never RSVPd to our wedding and another told me casually a week ago (4 weeks after the original RSVP date and 3 follow up emails from me) that ‘I won’t be there’. No explanation.
These girls used to be my friends and I understand not being ABLE to come to the wedding, but there is no reason to leave me out or answer my emails or me in person with the coldness they have. I also dont understand the ‘friends’ in my classes who do not say something when these mean people comment about me behind my back when they laugh or whatever.
Yesterday I sat through a class with ALL of the mean people in my major including my housemates. I felt so awkward and left out as I shared my post-graduation plans in a briefing and was laughed at. I didn’t look at those people. BUT I was the only one who performed in all my finals yesterday and was the only one who did not get applause for afterwards. This is typical. I’ve gone through this for years, hearing rumors about me that are not true but that spread so fast from these people.
I dont understand why I am excluded or why my ‘friends’ don’t stand up for me. It really hurts and I don’t know how next semester will go. Besides FH or my professors I feel like everyone else turns a blind eye to the problem. People who stand by and watch other people get bullied are part of the problem. I just wish people wouldn’t assume this behaviour stops in high school. I can’t wait to graduate and be away from these people for good.
Post # 3
To answer your question: NO! These do not sound like friends at all. It sounds like they’ve been tolerating you and using you all along. Now that you’re not around as much they don’t have to pretend to like you or be your friend because they don’t need you anymore.
On a positive note…at least you found out now instead of wasting more time and energy on them. Go home to your FH everynight knowing you’re going home to love, to someone who appreciates you and wants you around.
Is there someone above your professors you can go to? The Dean of the department or the president of the school? It doesn’t sound like your professors are doing much to preserve your quality of an education if you can’t enjoy learning and moving forward because of bullies.
I hope things get better for you soon… HUGS
Post # 4
Sorry to hear you are going through this. Anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself or excludes you is not a friend, and you are better off without them. Just focus on yourself and your FH–everything else is background.
Post # 5
I’m glad to hear that they have moved on from high school…oh wait..it sounds like they haven’t. That’s pretty pathetic and won’t get them far when real life comes to bite them in the butt.
No they aren’t friends and I wouldn’t continue to try to be friends with them. Make new friends, if you can avoid any more classes with them I would do so.
I’m sorry you have to put up with anything like that. It’s wierd that your professors would let them laugh at you. Totally inappropriate.
Post # 6
These are not your friends, these are people that you have to hurdle on your way to a better life. The best revenge on “mean girls” is utter happiness. Throw your self into your relationship with your FH, find in him your best friend. You need to find your inner happiness and then you will find out how jealous they really are of you. When people are hurting on the inside, they make it their mission to make others as miserable as themselves. Don’t fall for it. ((HUGS)) to you lady, if you need anything, pm me, I am always around 🙂
Post # 7
Agreed! Their lives can’t be so great if they have to be bullies. They are probably jealous of you. How many more semesters do you have? Can you take an elective that will be fun, where you can find other new friends that you enjoy time with. Forget those HS level loosers. (HUGS).
Post # 8
This behavior never stops, I’m sorry to say. In any group, there is always an ‘in crowd’ and if the person in charge doesn’t accept you then everyone else will be like sheep and snub you too. And girls are the worst, although guys do gossip and participate in cliques as well.
Like a PP said, the best revenge is to act like it doesn’t bother you and focus on what does make you happy. I can tell you it works from personal experience. When they realize they aren’t having any success making you feel bad or even left out, they will eventually move on. It’s really hard to act like you’re OK, I know, but trust me it works!
Post # 9
I’ve talked to my professors before and they realize it’s going on.Unfortunately there’s nothing much they can do if they do not catch the people in the act of it. They’re really masters of the mean craft and can get away with pretty much anything. In class, I cna only see it when I am looking for it or when I catch movement in the room and realize they are laughing at me when I am performing or presenting. My one professor told me he was sorry but it also happens in the business as well. He makes sure I do not have to work with these people and keeps it in mind, but can do little else.
The dean doesn’t care, I’ve been a little wary of him since he aided my FH’s family in finding out academic information about me that was borderline illegal. They pushed my student privacy but in a way that no one got in trouble. My professor was mad when I told her they did this but realized there’s little we can do since they phrased questions in a way to access my grades, etc.
So needless to say, I do not trust or like this person. :/
I have one more semester left. Thank God. Unfortunately I know I will have to see these people again pretty much all semester, but do not know if they will be in my classes as much as they have been this semester. I am working with several on my senior project next semester, mainly my housemates and those who were cold or just not understanding towards me this year.
Glad it’s not just me, that’s what my fiance always tells me but I am just so sad no one sees these people for how they honestly are. In class yesterday, it was our final and everyone (including my housemates) were exchanging greetings and jokes all throughout class, telling the mean people how much they ‘loved’ them and how much they appreciated them. When the mean people made remarks about me or even giggled through my presentation no one said anything. I’m sure the professor didn’t catch on because of where they were sitting. I’m really tired of this and know it’s not just in my head. I wish others saw it too.
I feel like a paranoid person even bringing this up to anyone at school. I have a few friends I call close but they are all not in my major or any of my classes.
Thanks for the hugs and encouragement! I appreciate every one of you.
Post # 10
I’m so sad for you. I’m sorry that you are going through this. Stop talking to them. Pretend you don’t even see them. Keep a book on hand at all times so that if you have to be alone with them, you can read and ignore them.
As soon as you start giving them the silent treatment, they will wonder why and start to talk to you. Don’t be fooled…it is just to lure you back in so they can continue to make fun of you. If they talk, just answer as simply as possible. If they ask why you aren’t talking to them, say “What do you mean?” Once they explain, say “I haven’t noticed that at all. I’m sorry you feel that way.” Then end the conversation. These girls aren’t worth your time.
Post # 11
They definitely do not sound like friends to me.
As for the people in your class, I experienced that for the first couple semesters I was in college, I learned it’s all in how you carry yourself. I stopped caving in on myself around them, and started walking around like I owned the place and not sparing them a single glance, and it stopped and never happened again.
Friendwise…I’ve lost quite a few in the process. I just started deleting them from my Facebook, it’s amazing how quickly they come around when it seems like you don’t care.
Post # 12
I’m sorry about all you’re going through. It really takes 1 alpha type not to like you, and ppl will follow. Had something very similar happen recently. Girls truly can wage psychological warfare.
All I can say is ppl do respect outsiders more when the outsiders aren’t trying to gain their approval. You just can’t win w/some ppl. Fortunately, you won’t be around these ppl forever.
Post # 13
I work at a University. Call your counseling center and explain that you need an emergency appointment. They have to see you if you are having a crisis. Explain that you cannot wait, and that it is related to bullying that is occuring on campus in a class room.
I’m so sorry you are going through this, but please insist that they help you NOW!
Post # 14
These people are not your friends. Friends do not treat people this way and you need to drop them and move on.
You are the person responsible for defending yourself. If people are being disrespectful then say something or remove yourself from the situation.
Post # 15
@justelope: I completely agree with you.
OP, there is no way that your counseling center is booked up for the entire year. I work at a medical school and if one of our students comes in for counseling, they get an appointment for that week (guaranteed). If they want to see someone the same day, we can make it happen by going through the director of student affairs. Chances are, you’re not speaking to the right person to get in to see a counselor. PM me if you would like help offline in getting an appointment. I can help you figure out the correct channels based on your school resources.
I’ve been following your posts and it makes me sad because you really need the support and I don’t think an internet community is going to be sufficient for you. You have so many stressors in your life right now, you really need someone “real” to speak to about this. Let me know if you need some help with this.