Post # 1
When I was growing up my mom and grandmother would always tell me, “Well they should love you more than you love them, don’t forget that.” I’m Colombian and every latin/hispanic friend or cousin I talk to about this agrees! When I have talked to my best friend about this (not latin/hispanic) she looks at me like I’m crazy!
That kind of stuck with me and I don’t really understand it? Fiance and I love each other so much and I could never say I don’t love him as much as he loves me!
However… I sometimes do feel like Fiance might show it more than I do. Maybe that’s what my mom and grandma mean?
If that’s the case… does your FI/SO show or express it more than you do?
Post # 3
im WAY more expressive and emotional and lovey than Darling Husband. Im very touchy feely (love holding hands, giving hugs, rub his hair when hes laying down)
He is NOT like this at all lol. I have to be the first to hold his hand, im always the first to hug him randomly lol Dont get me wrong though; hes an AMAZING man and treats me like a queen!!! hes just not very expressive in the way girls are. He shows it with “the little things” bringing me my favorite drink home if he runs to the store, letting me pick movies on movie night, buying me something ive been wanting forever!, taking the dogs out at 3am to go pee lmao… just small stuff that really means alot to me 😀
Post # 4
I think there’s an episode of SATC about this…
Anyway, I would hope both people love each other equally, but my fiance shows his love a lot more outwardly than I do.
Post # 5
@MrsRuby: I agree, the small things really do count! Fiance does a lot of small things that make me really happy… He showed up just now and when I opened the door Fiance handed me a box and was like, “on my way back from lunch, got you a philly cheesteak gotta go, love you.” and left. haha I was like… “i love you too?” He tends to surprise me with food a lot…
Does that make me a fatty? Fiance always says I have a 500 lb mind haha, I guess that’s one of the ways he shows me he loves me 🙂
Post # 6
That seems kind of odd to me. My parents always told me to just find someone who loves me and treats me well, not necessarily someone who loves me more than I love him. I’m not sure what that means? I think my husband and I express love to each other pretty much evenly.
Post # 7
I would think that the ideal situation is that you both love each other equally
Post # 8
I think this was/is probably very good advice in previous generations/different cultures where women weren’t/aren’t fully equal partners in the relationship. In those circumstances, basically your only protection and bargaining chip would be your husband’s love for you. But if your ideal marriage is an equal partnership where both spouses have equal say in major decisions and equal power and so on, then I would hope that love would also be equal.
Post # 9
@les105: Now that you say that, I think I remember which episode you’re talking about! I’ll have to look it up and watch it again I also think my Fiance shows it more outwardly than me as well. Doesn’t mean I don’t love him equally or don’t show him ever… I just don’t do it as often?
Do you think this could be a problem eventually? Do you think he’s going to get tired of showing me so much and my not reciprocating the same amount of affection?
@MrsRuby: do you ever wish he did those things though? like grab your hand first or give you hugs/kisses first?
Post # 10
This is advice that people have been giving women for years. It is mostly based on the belief that a woman cannot hold on to a man unless he loves her more than she loves him. Those pesky menz, always cheatin it up!
Jezelbel did a story on this a few months back – http://jezebel.com/5877204/timeless-bad-advice-settling-for-a-guy-who-loves-you-more
Post # 11
To be honest, this was quite often a conversation between my best guy friend and I when we were younger and not with our significant others….. We would always say to love them less because then you were in control! LOL! But its not until I found equal love, that I knew I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life…. up until then it was a game
Post # 12
“If equal affection cannot be, let the more loving one be me.” — W.H. Auden
Personally, I disagree with Auden. Obviously equal affection is the best scenario, but failing that I think I’d rather be loved more as opposed to the other way around. I don’t think it’s a good feeling to suspect that you love your partner more than he or she loves you! On the other hand, it’s not a good feeling to suspect that you don’t love your partner as much as you should. But between those two less-than-ideal situations, I’d probably pick the latter.
In long-term relationships, sometimes one person is more “on” than the other and then it can flip, and that’s normal. I certainly hope that we stay evenly matched over the long haul.
Post # 13
My husband & I love each other the same. We show it the same & express it the same. I wouldn’t want to be with someone I couldn’t love as much as they loved me. That would be sad.
Post # 14
No, I am definately more thoughtful, romantic and loving than my SO. At times I do feel like he loves the idea of me (in that I have a well-paid job) but I could be anyone as long as I am willing to move to his area (which I did)
Post # 15
I had to laugh when I saw this thread. My Fiance and I have had an “I love you more” war since almost the start. It’s cute and we don’t do it in front of people.
Plus I win 🙂
Post # 16
I say it more. He shows it more. But neither one of us loves the other more.