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Yes, I think it would be a nice gesture. Have they helped at all other than money-wise?
We didn't, but we are getting them albums after it's all said and done, months down the road obviously.
Their "gift" was coming to our wedding! LOL. We put them up in OUR house, we fed them, we paid for the whole wedding, etc. It was expensive enough.
It's not really a gift if the giving is contingent upon receiving something in return.
Whether or not they paid for the wedding they did birth and raise the man you're marrying. That's a pretty good present, no?
I think it depends on the situation. Personally, i would give my mom a present and call it a day. LOL
I think that she's also thinking "where do you draw the line?" - at least I am.
<h4>Also, please avoid personal attacks and snarkiness...</h4>
Thanks Melissa :) You're right, I just don't know all about the etiquette part of it, and I don't want to snub someone..but then again, I do not have unlimited funds and this has costed a lot already. Plus it's so close to the holidays....
<h4></h4>
We didn't do parent gifts but they will be getting albums if I ever see our prefessional pictures!
I don't see any personal attack or snarkiness on this board. I'm confused.
Why don't you just smush something wedding related into their Christmas gift? A photo of the family at the wedding in a nice fram? I think your parents, of all people, will understand and probably not expect a present, knowing your financial situation.
Most parents don't want gifts from their kids, right? They appreciate them, but they also are like, 'save your money, we have everything we need'
Or, take your parents out to dinner with your FI to a nice steakhouse. Everybody likes nice company.
@okqueenbee - I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snark or imply that you're being insensitive or ungenerous. I'm sure you're anything but!
Of course, if you're paying to fly them in, putting them up in a hotel or otherwise laying out a lot of cash I doubt they will expect anything, let alone something lavish. A thoughtful card thanking them for being kind, welcoming you to the family, etc. will probably be well-received.
I'd just be careful to ensure that your FILs don't feel as though their inability to contribute (I assume it's because they can't, not because they won't) means they are less welcome or important than other guests or your family.
Although our parents are helping with the wedding, our gifts to them will be more of a "thanks for raising us to be the people we are and supporting us," rather than thanks for helping with the wedding.
I think a little something small would be nice, like a picture framed of you and your hubby with the parents or something sentemental showing them thanks for being there for me all these years kinda thing. You dont need to do anything too fancy.
It's ok - I'm sorry I took offense. I was upset because I understand that gifts are given out of love and kindness, not necessarily reciprocation or expectation.
I'm becoming slightly more anxious each day, about all this 'little' stuff that I didn't even think about until now!
As far as his parents financial situation, I don't know. They have not offered to help with anything, and I wasn't about to ask them for anything.
WE are DEFINATELY giving photos for Christmas, whether in albums or frames we haven't decided but all of our family members are getting pictures :)
Just think if you can afford it or not and if it's in your budget. Since none of them has offered to help you guys out, I don't see them being offended or upset if you don't spend money on them. They know a wedding is expensive.
What about having a "thank you dinner" at your place for your immediate family? Cook a tenderloin, make a nice salad, etc? Say a nice thank you to them all?
I have trouble buying gifts for people--it's so hard!--so I try to think of gifts that don't involve opening anything.
@okqueenbee - It's always the little things... Somehow, as time goes on and you get closer and closer to the date even the littlest things start to feel as though they are of life-altering importance.
I'm sure your FILs will enjoy the wedding whether or not you opt to give them anything, and if they're the type to get upset because they didn't get a present then :P to them.
I don't think they're necessary. Give them if you have the time, money, and inclination to do so. And... don't you have enough to worry about with the wedding? ;-)
Since you are giving photos for Christmas, I think that could be considered a "thanks for your support for our new marriage & Merry Christmas" gift, I'm sure your parents won't think twice. :)
I think a little something would be a nice gesture but you don't have to break the bank on a present. I think a framed picture of you and your hubby from the wedding would be just fine.
As a Mother (and this is how I'll answer it),I would be offended. There are a ton of inexpensive but expressive things you could get to acknowledge them. What about a Mother's hanky and the same for the inlaws? They always come with a sentiment attached...right up a Mother's alley! Even some kind of a nice poem you can find on the computer,printed out & framed would be appreciated.
It always amazes me when a couple agonizes over what gifts to give their bridal party for that one day,but the people who have loved & raised and educated them become the unimportant ones on such a special occasion. :o(
I think it depends on your parents. I know that my Mom isn't a fan of receiving framed pictures as gifts. She likes to pick out which pictures will be framed and in what frames, since they will be displayed in her house! She would also not like it if I spent money on something she wouldn't use. She hates clutter and most of those "little cute engraved things" that you get parents.
I feel bad that the albums are taking so long but I think they will be appreciated more than "token" gifts. Again, some people love that stuff, but not my Mom.
We didn't, but it was entirely appropriate in our situation. We did order photos for parents after the fact.
We took our parents out for a "thank you" dinner 2 days before the wedding. It was a nice way to kick off the wedding weekend and a good way for both of our families to spend time with each other since they don't live near each other.
Ooo you know what my mom loved?!
I totally forgot that I treated my parents (both of them lol) to pre-wedding PEDICURES. I guess that's a gift. They were incredibly thankful for it--they'd never had them before and were wowed by the luxury. My parents usually HATE when I spend money on them (my parents have plenty of money and see me spending mine as me being wasteful when i'm not exactly loaded) but they LOVED this.
Are you doing anything pre-wedding you could include them on? Damn, now i'm getting them pedi gift certificates for christmas. =]
My parents told us not to get them a gift. I feel kind of guilty, since they're dropping so much on our wedding. I'm not sure how to handle it.
One thing we did do was go a bit overboard with other gifts right after the wedding. Within a month of the wedding was my Mom's 60th birthday and my inlaws 35th wedding anniversary. We got my parents tickets to a show for my Mom's birthday (and went with them) and we took hubby's parents out to a REALLY nice dinner for their anniversary.
fifty - make them something. you take photographs - I would make them something using your strengths that doesn't have to cost a lot.
I was wondering about the parental gifts thing as well. My parents are not contributing financially to the wedding, and aren't helping with the planning or anything. They're not able to financially, and i'm not sure they'd be interested either. More like, let me know where to be and i'll be there. So I had the same questions about gifts. I think that I will get each set a nice card, and put a little card INSIDE with a picture of a photo album, and just send a gift when i can, after the proofs are done. But for FH's family, who are hosting the rehearsal dinner, I wanted to get them that and something tangible for the occasion.
I hate when mine spend money on me too,and believe me,I have enough chatchke's to fill a store,so I'm not suggesting anyone buy a plastic plaque or one of those sappy printed -on-glass thingies. A handwritten letter is a 'gift',especially one written from the heart. I personally think it should just be SOMEthing.
Ejs...mine took care of my hair and makeup the day of (even after all my protests), but I loved it too! Massage,facial...a wonderful treat. They also gave us a gift card (that will cover several dinners) to a great restaurant (which we've yet to use). A pedicure is a great idea!
We got small presents for our parents, photo frames that they could use for wedding photos. We didn't go all out, mostly because we knew it wasn't a big deal to them.
We have a lopsided problem - my parents are super supportive, paying for about 50% of the wedding, and contributing a lot emotionally. His mom is contributing nothing - like, she won't even talk about the wedding with us (so not emotional or financial support). I'm planning on giving my parents a really nice album and heartfelt card AFTER the wedding, but at this time, we have no plans to give his mom a gift. We're doing it after the wedding has passed, so it won't feel awkward at a public event that we're singling out my parents.
That being said, if your parents are contributing emotionally and supporting you but not paying for anything, I think a card thanking them for being a part of your life as you embark on your married life together is nice - but a special thank you gift isn't really neccessary unless you feel it is.
It's not required if that's what your're asking. I've asked this of people who have gotten married recently and none of them have ever heard of this concept, nor do they understand why it would be done. I don't get the concept at all and neither does FH, so I don't envision that we'll be doing this. Our parents would not be offended in the least and would actually wonder why we were giving them gifts because we're getting married.
I've never heard of getting gifts for our parents, we are already stressing about gifts for the party nevermind them, wow, more things added on to our list now
We got gifts for our parents. My parents paid for the whole shebang so it was the least we could do. We got his parents a gift too, even though they didn't contribute a dime. (They would have liked to but they are always broke.) But I knew it would be huge drama if we got my parents a gift and not his.
If nobody had paid or contributed in some way (emotionally, etc) I dont know if we would have bothered with gifts. It was a stressful thing to worry about at the last minute.
My FIL's are not helping because they can't. Bottom line though I think gifts to the parents should be more of a thank you for what you have done in our lives up until now. Not necessarily thank you for paying for this weekend (although sometimes that is needed as well).
I would say that if you are already shelling out cash for them, then no gift may be necessary. However, a nice card and/or small gift might be nice to thank them for being a part of your lives.
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I'm confused about this. We are paying for 100% of it. My mom is not helping and neither are his parents. We are both older (I'm 29, he's 34) and we are perfectly able to do it ourselves.
So, what about the gifts?
Necessary or not?