Do we have to invite FSIL?

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
42082 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

msfreemis:  So…do I have to invite her?

Short answer- Yes!

Longer answer- of course you do. If your FI is still getting on your case for not talking to her, imagine what he will feel if you say you are not going to invite her. Send her the invitation with a plus one, hold your head up high, plaster on a smile and ignore any looks or remarks from her. Why give her the power to ruin your day?

Post # 4
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Just invite her and if she doesn’t come it’s on her.  You can totally avoid her at the wedding.

Post # 5
2264 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Yes, you do.

First of all, you sent her a STD, so there’s that.

Secondly, take this as another opportunity to extend the olive branch. Your FI wants her there — she is his sister and she should be there.

Invite her and her new boyfriend, by name. It’s a nice way of acknowleding her relationship even if she does not acknowledge yours. Maybe she will begin to feel foolish for not being the bigger person. Do your best, smile and say hello at the wedding. It’s a happy day — don’t let her ruin it for you!

Even if your wedding doesn’t present the opportunity for reconcilliation that is okay. At least your FI will know that you took the time to invite her and her new boyfriend, and that you did your best to say hello. 

Post # 6
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Are you sure she isn’t just intimidated by you?

If my brother started dating someone who I had heard crap about, you can bet your ass I would tell him, because I wouldn’t want to see him get hurt. If I then got a nasty email from her, I sure as hell wouldn’t want to be friendly to her. And if she apologized, solely at my mother’s coaxing, I wouldn’t think it was sincere at all.

I hate confrontation, so I’d probably avoid you too if I were her.

To answer your question, yes you have to invite her. Firstly, you sent her an STD so not inviting her is bad etiquette. Secondly, she is his sister, and not inviting her is going to cause way more drama than it’s worth. She hasn;t even said a word to you, so just avoid her on the day of.

Post # 8
1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

msfreemis:  Think of it this way: if you don’t invite her, all her BF will know about you is “She’s the [insert rumors here] jerk who didn’t even have the class to invite me to her wedding because I know the truth!”


Dealing with family about whom you don’t feel positively is hard. I empathize with that. But if your fiance wants you to build that relationship AND you already sent her a Save The Date, you really don’t have a choice. You’ve already seen the kind of family drama that can be caused by acting rashly out of hurt feelings when you sent her the nasty e-mail. Smile, nod, be the bigger woman, and give her BF the opportunity to learn what a reasonable and down-to-earth person you are.

Post # 9
9525 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Short answer – Yes, you have to invite her.

Long answer – Your fiance wants her there. She’s his sister. She should be there.

Also, you already sent her a save the date.

Also, she’s really doesn’t seem that awful from your post. There’s a lot of instances where you seem pissed that she didn’t reach out about something, but it doesn’t sound like you and your fiance are really reaching out to her, so I’m not surprised. I mean he didn’t even call his sister to tell her he was engaged? She had to find out from a save the date? Then you’re mad that she didn’t bring it up? If I was your sister, I’d be pissed I found out from a save the date and waiting for your fiance to bring it up. And you’re pissed the boyfriend didn’t introduce himself, but did you introduce yourself? And not responding to a group hello/goodbye – not something to get worked up about. 

I think you had a bad first reaction to her because she went to her brother with her concerns about you. Which is understandable on both parts. But now, I think you’re reading more into things than is really there. It’s not like she’s causing scenes or saying mean things to you. She’s just not pushing for you to interact more. Neither are you. Which is fine – you don’t need to be best buds. But you two are going to be family. You need to figure out how to be in the same room with her without getting so worked up that you’re upset by her not starting conversations.

I would recommend starting fresh. Maybe even bring that up with her. Say that you know things got started on the wrong foot for both of you, but you want to get along, since you’re going to be family, so can you start fresh. Then don’t analyze everythign she does, looking for slights. Because you can always find insult, if you’re looking hard enough. It sounds like she’s trying to get along for the sake of her brother, so maybe things can be better. But you have to be willing to let that happen.

Post # 10
5763 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Your Fi wants her there, so she’s invited. Period.

Post # 12
2007 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Yep, be the bigger person and extend an invitation. Then it’s up to her whether or not she decides to come.

Post # 14
6446 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Yes. If your FI didn’t seem to want her there than I think it would have been fine to not invite her.

Post # 15
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - 13th ~ TN

msfreemis:  First off let me say, as an older sister, her attitude towards you probably comes from the fact that she believes what she has heard about you and is wanting to protect her brother. That being said, she is being a big brat for not trying to get to know you better. I do not particularly care for my SIL but I do not go out of my way to exclude her from things. In fact, my mom and I try very hard to include her in our girlie outings, then it is on her if she chooses not to go.

That being said, you do not have to stoop to her level. As PPs have said, your FI very obviously wants her there, so YES, you need to invite her.

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