Do we have to invite someone we sent a STD to after a falling out?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Do we have to invite him?
    Yes : (5 votes)
    13 %
    No : (25 votes)
    63 %
    It depends... : (10 votes)
    25 %
  • Post # 2
    1844 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    BruinBeeMPH:  I would let your fiance make that call since that’s his friend. What if they make up in a month? I know it may not seem possible now, but sometimes people change their tune once they cool off from the initial anger and remember how much they value their friendship.

    Post # 3
    11626 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    If you wish to continue the friendship, then yes, you need to invite him. If there’s a chance your FI is going to want to mend fences with him, you need to invite him.

    If you’re both agreed that the friendship is over, then you could, I suppose, not invite him.


    Post # 4
    1362 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

    If you guys aren’t friends anymore, I would personally throw etiquette out the window.  I’m not going to let etiquette tell me I have to invite someone I am no longer friends with to my wedding.  Stuff happens!  There are exceptions to everything.

    EDIT:  Ditto PPs, though, that this ultimately needs to be your FI’s decision.

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  LMD.
    Post # 5
    851 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013


    BruinBeeMPH:  I had a huge falling out with a guest that received the STD card.  The falling out came a few weeks before the invites went out.  I did not send her one and basically in our last exchange I told her that she was no longer welcome at the wedding, was not receiving an invite, and told to never contact me again.  This person disrespected me and my FI in such a way that there was no way I wanted to be friends with this person or have them at my wedding. 

    Things change… people change…… do not send the invite if you do not want this person there……

    Post # 6
    2355 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    It depends on whether or not your FI wants to burn bridges. You don’t have to invite anyone that you don’t want, but there may be consequences. If your FI isn’t ready to let the friendship go or wants to be the bigger person, send an invite.


    Post # 7
    2800 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    BruinBeeMPH:  If your wedding date is correct, I would hold off on making any final decisions.  March is still a long way away.  In 6 months when you send out invites, asses where the situation is.  If the friendship is completely gone, don’t invite.  If things have mended, then invite. 

    Post # 8
    714 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I agree with others, final decision should be FI’s and if the wedding is far away then you have time to figure it out. I did not feel obligated to invite any one to my wedding. A friend from uni that I had lost touch was visiting us (after not seeing each other or talking for couple of yers) and asked for a STD (because she knew others had recieved). I awkwardly gave her one but she did not get an invite in the mail. Good luck! 

    Post # 9
    42166 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Etiquette is a guidleine for good behavior. It cannot possibly cover all circumstances. There are many situations that could occur that would make it perfectly acceptable not to follow up an STD with an invitation. None of us can foresee the future and any one of us could be in a situation where a person who received an STD does something horrible (commits a crime against the family etc) that would make it ridiculous to follow through with an invitation.

    Post # 10
    1676 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2015

    BruinBeeMPH:  From the sounds of it, this isn’t your decision to make.  It’s your FI’s friend, and therefore it’s his call

    Post # 11
    918 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    Is your fiance breaking off this friendship based solely on hearsay? Has he actually spoken to this friend about the matter? Maybe your fiance wants to try to clear the air before completely crossing this friend off the list, and that’s why he’s hesitant.

    The short answer is that it’s your wedding and the guest list is ultimately up to you, and both of you need to agree. However, this ball is not really in your court. The man is your fiance’s friend and he should be the one to decide if he wants to let bygones be bygones or if he wants to throw out the friendship. It could all be a huge misunderstanding, after all. Maybe he said something and someone else miscontrued it.

    Post # 12
    2264 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    BruinBeeMPH:  I agree with other PPs. If you send an STD, you are always supposed to follow up with an invitation. To decide otherwise is a relationship ending move. Because the relationship exists between your FI and his friend, it is your FI’s decision to make. Who is to say that your FI’s friend would attend, anyway, if things are currently sour? 

    If your FI decides to permantently terminate this friendship, then I suppose an invitation is not necessary (and by not receiving this invitation, I’m sure his friend will hear that message loud and clear.) But if your FI forsees the possibility of rehabilitating this friendship, I would absolutley extend the olive branch and send an invite.

    Just be sure not to pressure your FI to do something so drastic so that someone else you’d rather have there can come! This is something he’s going to have to think about for himself.

    Post # 14
    643 posts
    Busy bee

    BruinBeeMPH:  You don’t have to invite anyone you don’t want to invite. To me, it depends on whether or not you want to continue the friendship (which would be a joint decision in our house). 

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