Post # 1
My fiance’s dad recently got married for the first time. The woman who he married has 5 sons from her first marriage. Unfortunately, my fiance never got along with them and that feeling was mutual. He adamantly feels that they should not be invited to the wedding. But, they are the children of his step-mother…
We’ve decided not to invite them… but how do we break the news to his step-mother? They aren’t close, but she is a really kind woman. Her kids, on the other hands, are rude, distant people. My fiance doesn’t want them at the wedding because every time they are at a family event, they end up sneaking outside to smoke weed and drink instead of celebrating with the family. He says he would be really unhappy if they came to the wedding because they just don’t get along.
Is it okay not to invite them?
Post # 3
I think you’ll have way more issues and hurt feelings if you don’t invite them than if you do. Honestly your wedding will be such a blur and you’ll be having a wonderful time. Just invite them to the wedding and ignore them. You won’t even notice that they are there.
Post # 4
Why would you care if they sneaked outside to do whatever? At least they won’t be in your face! Seems like a win-win.
Post # 5
I think the answer depends on how big the wedding is. If it’s a small, intimate wedding, I think you can get away with saying that you just want the closest people to you and your fiance and the people who supported the relationship, etc etc. But, if you’re already having 150 or 200 people, I say invite them, put them at one table in the far back together and away from everyone and call it a day.
Post # 6
yikes, this is sticky. I agree with PP about just letting them come, you probably won’t even notice they are there. Unless it’s a smaller, more personal ceremony. Then you can probably explain you are only having those very close to the two of you join. I doubt the boys would really mind not being invitied- its your FIs step-mom’s feelings that you risk hurting
Post # 7
You need to invite them.
Don’t create drama where there currently is none. If anything — do it to maintain a good relationship with your stepmother.
Post # 8
You can not invite them an remain polite, but that doesn’t mean that their won’t be hurt feelings.
I suspect that your dad will not be appreciative of excluding his new “sons”. But you know him better then people who’ve never met him.
Post # 9
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
I’m going to go against the grain here… it sounds like they came into you and your fiance’s life late in the game, so I’m assuming all the “kids” were adults by the time his dad and step mother remarried and they didn’t grow up together. If you don’t want these guys at your wedding, I don’t think you have any obligation to invite them.
-edited- no idea how I got the idea that your FI’s dad passed, must’ve been reading another thread -_-**
Post # 10
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
I’m going to disagree with PPs, because my step-mother’s adult children weren’t invited to our wedding.
I LOVE my Stepmom- she and my Dad have been together over 20 years now. I like her family, especially her daughter, but we don’t do that many family events together- I’ve seen Laura twice in the last five years, I think. Not all of my direct relatives were invited (not every cousin), so I didn’t even think to include them.
I think in your situation, it depends on the age of the kids- are they living with your Dad? Splitting household invites can get a little tricky sometimes. Otherwise, no, I don’t feel you have to invite them. You may want to break it to Dad first, and see how he suggests telling your step-mom. It may be a non-issue.
Post # 11
A major missing detail: How old are they and do they live with her?
If they are children, yes you should invite them. If they are adults who live with her, probably not. If they are adults who don’t live with her, definitely not.
Once you become an adult, you are an independent person and don’t automatically get invited to something just because your parents do. People who become your step siblings when you are adults are people you never really interact with, and are not real family in my book.
My FIL remarried, and when his son (my BIL) married, the stepmother’s adult daughter (technically the stepsister of the groom) was not invited. In fact, we hardly ever meet the stepsister anyway, we don’t regard her as family.
Post # 12
Great points! I was telling my fiance that they should be invited, and he was shocked – which is why I brought the idea here. Two of the stepbrothers are kids (under 18 years old and living partially with their mom and partially with their dad). The rest are 19 -23 years old.
It is uncomfortable to just invite the young ones, so it kind of has to be an all or nothing deal. I still think they should be invited and to be honest, they probably won’t want to come anyway. I told my fiance that if he truly feels that they shouldn’t be invited, he will have to talk to his dad and stepmother beforehand – simply excluding them without saying anything to his stepmother is rude, in my opinion.
Thanks for the opinions! 🙂