Post # 1
Just a quick should-we-invite-them scenario. I went to university with a couple, Mark and Jessica, and we were fairly good friends (particularly Mark and I) for the last year or two. We wouldn’t hang out often or anything, but I would say we were in the same group of friends. During that time, I began dating my (now) fiance, and we went on a couple’s date with Mark and Jessica. That was about 4 years ago.
Due to us leaving the city/area, we have only seen Mark and Jessica once in the past almost 4 years, which is when we attended their wedding 2 years ago. We had a lovely time, but haven’t heard from them since (not even a thank-you card/note, but that doesn’t really bother me).
Now Fiance and I are getting married in the next 6 months and are having a difficult time narrowing down our guest list. I understand that etiquette dictates that we should invite Mark and Jessica because they invited us, but given that we have only seen or spoken to them once, at their wedding 2 years ago, in the last 4 years, do we have to invite them?
Neither of us feel close to them at all anymore, we just don’t want to seem blatantly rude or disrespectful. Our guest list is only family, coworkers and very close friends, so it’s not liking we’d be inviting anyone else from the old ‘gang’.
So what do you think?
Post # 3
Did Mark invite the whole “gang” from University?
Post # 4
I think you can leave them off of your guest list. Just because they invited you doesn’t mean you have to extend the same courtesy – especially since you said you’re not inviting anyone else from your old circle. Maybe you can have a B list and have them on that list?
Post # 5
@paula1248: Yup he did. Our wedding is (hopefully) going to be 80-90 people, his was probably closer to 150
Post # 6
@princess_r: Then I think it’s a fairly safe “no”. I was going to say no anyway, but the fact that they invited everyone from Uni, and you’re inviting no one else from Uni, pretty well clinches it for me.
I invited my closest uni friends (4 girls). The last one to marry didn’t invite me even though we’d hardly spoken in the 3 or so years since my wedding, and I’d never met her fiance. Yes it hurt a little, but I realised the close friendship had run its course and I got over it.
Post # 7
There is no etiquette rule that requires you to invite to your wedding everyone who invited you to theirs. I was invited to the weddings of all of my close friends in college. When I married in 2009 — 25 years after we graduated, I only invited three of those couples — my best friend and those others who had maintained contact with me at least once a year over all of that time. It wasn’t that I did not want to invite the others. In fact, I would have loved to have seen them. However, due to space limitations, I opted to limit my guest list to those with whom I felt I had an ongoing, current relationship.
Ironically, about seven or eight months after my wedding, I finally joined FB and have now reconnected with all but one of those close friends from college.
Post # 8
You don’t need to and don’t feel guilty about that. Its been a significant while since you’ve last seen each other and I think they wouldn’t even mind much if they weren’t invited. Maybe invite them if you have space, if you really want