Do we have to invite them?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
7055 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@jboom:  Whether you’ve met them or not isn’t the issue. I believe you should use the same dividing line as you use for everyone else. There are several dividing lines you can use (e.g. (a) married/engaged only; (b) all long term partners, (c) all partners, (d) everyone gets a date), but it should be consistent.

A better way to cut the guest list would be to not invite co-workers, or only a select few (and their partners).

As for his family, what matter is his relationship with them, not yours. I believe that you should draw the line equally, i.e. all cousins or none, all aunts/uncles or none, etc. Otherwise someone can get offended if (e.g.) cousin X is invited but not cousin Y.

Post # 4
10906 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@jboom:  Regarding your FI’s coworkers’ SOs (or anyone else’s), you only need to include them if these couples are married or engaged and/or are living together (only because etiquette makes the presumption that couples who are living together are secretly married.)  If a significant other does not meet one or more of those requirements, etiquette does not consider the couple to be a formal, social unit, and you do not need to invite the other person.

As far as your FI’s family members, I would not deprive him of inviting his family simply because you do not have an equal number of family members to invite.  If your FI must trim his family guest list, he should do so on the basis of categories  and not individuals. 

Post # 5
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@jboom:  I agree with @paula1248 you need to be consistent across all lines, choose whether you want partners to attend and make sure you extend across the board, because people will get offended if they have a bf/gf who are not invited show up and find out others got the +1 for their significant other.  I’m allowing all guests to bring a guest because I didn’t want to get wrapped up in he was allowed to bring his partner, but I didn’t get the option, etc.  I also ended up having to cut my co-workers and put them on a B-list.  We had to downsize to afford it, and hopefully we get some more “no” responses so I can get co-workers invited again.  The guest list was definitely the hardest part for me so far! I’m sure table assignments won’t be easy…but I have another month before I have to worry about that!

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