Post # 1
We’re having quite a small wedding with 60 of our closest friends and family coming to the day and a further 60 people coming to the evening but we’re having an extremely tough time deciding whether to invite the groom’s brother’s new girlfriend at the moment.
Here are the facts:
- The brother was with his ex girlfriend for 9 years who we knew well and socialised with since we got together 7 years ago. The ex was originally sent a save the date card and was looking forward to the wedding.
- 2 weeks before we sent out the invites the brother split up with his ex and immediately started going out with her best friend (do not know if they overlapped at all). New girlfriend has been introduced to the family extremely quickly before people had even come to terms with brother and ex even splitting up, forcing family to be amicable with new girlfriend but not giving them time to get over the break up of the well loved ex.
- Invites were sent out inviting just the brother and no plus one to the wedding as we did not know if the new relationship was serious or not.
- B2B has never met new girlfriend but groom’s family are now expecting her to be invited to the whole of the wedding when brides loyalities lie with the ex girlfriend.
- Groom is impartial and just wants to please his family.
- B2B and groom are paying for approximately 80% of the wedding. B2B doesn’t want any drama or negativity on the day but does not want to share the intimate wedding ceremony with someone she does not even know when she knows the ex better.
What do we do??? We’re not people that attract drama, infact we avoid it all costs but the grooms family just seem to create it. More to the point they have not shown any interest in the wedding but are expecting us to bend over backwards to accommodate someone we have not even met and dislike morally when she was never invited in the first place!
Please help us reach a compromise, B2B suggested she comes to the whole day apart from the most intimate part, the ceremony, this did not go down well!
Post # 3
@hannahbellisima: I think you should invite her. She’s his girlfriend now, and they should be invited and come together as a social unit/couple. I understand you feel some loyalty to the ex, but you need to set that aside. If you don’t want to attract drama, do the right thing. There’s really no sense in being defiant (not to mention it’s a huge etiquette no-no) out of allegiance to a girl who’s no longer involved with your BIL and his family. He wants the new girl to come, his family expects the new girl to come, and etiquette suggests people who are a couple should be invited together. All signs point to, suck it up and invite the girl! (I know it sucks, especially if you forged a good relationship with the ex, but what can you do?)
Post # 4
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
What a douche. Sorry, I know it’s your brother. But really? Dating his recent ex-girlfriend’s best friend? How on Earth does he think that will turn out well?
Either way, just send an invite to your brother “plus 1” and let him figure out the drama. He may not even be dating girl #2 by your wedding.
Post # 5
You hardly know her at all, and they aren’t engaged or married.. or at the point where they will be soon…
I think you are MORE than safe to not invite her. Especially since she’s late in the game and your invitations are already sent out.
Post # 6
@hannahbellisima: Invite the new girlfriend. She is the guy’s partner. End of story.
I’ve been there. My brother split up with his long time gf (had been together longer than DH and I) and immediately took up a new one, a couple of weeks before our wedding. Regardless of circumstances and loyalties, we invited the new gf. The wedding was about the 2nd time I met her. It didn’t matter.
EDIT: And invite her to whole thing. She’s not going to disrupt the ceremony, and it’s rude to split up a couple.
Post # 8
@hannahbellisima: OP are you only inviting married or engaged couples? If so you do not need to invite her to your wedding.
Post # 9
I think you should invite her if in general you are inviting partners of members of your families and/or friends. Your wedding isn’t a referendum on your loyalties; the invite is no more or less than a recognition that your FBIL and this woman are currently a social unit.
Also, FBIL sounds like an ass. But that’s really not germane to the discussion (sadly).
Post # 10
@Trinisexy2: I assume not if they were inviting the ex.
Post # 11
Ask the brother what he thinks about it? You guys should be close enough for that? No? But in the end it’s your day and it sounds like you don’t want her there. Talk to your husband about it if he’s ok with not inviting her than you know what to do 😉
personally I would invite her for my brother in-law
Post # 12
I think you should invite her. She’s his SO. Plus, it’s family. Is it really worth the headache of not inviting her? What if they end up getting married? I just think it could create a lot of unnecessary awkward situations.
Post # 14
I would… Just make sure she doesn’t wind up in any important family photos!
Post # 15
IMO you should have invited him plus one even if he was single. I believe that all adults in your family should be invited plus one, unless you aren’t giving anyone a plus one. So in that case, she is likely who he would choose to bring, and therefore it’s not that she is invited, but he gets to bring a guest and he chose to bring her. 🙂
Post # 16
Agree with PPs, definitely invite the new girlfriend, and put your feelings and loyalties towards the ex-girlfriend aside.