- 6 years ago
- Wedding: November 2013
As many of you remember my first post, we were having quite a bit of drama from family members in both Canada and the US in terms of their opinions of our wedding. Now, we are having drama with a friend. This one has been a long standing drama which we knew would come back to bite us later. So here’s the lovely situation and the names have changed to protect the innocent/stupid:
My common-law husband (CLH) and his friend (we’ll call his James for now) has been friends for almost fifteen years. These two have just about every friend in common and were best friends, eventually roommates. James and I dated for a few months when I first came up to Canada. James had introduced me to my CLH. James actually caused most of the group to think of me as a stuck-up Jersey girl who the group, including my CLH, had compared to Snooky from Jersey Shore (to me this is a HUGE insult) due to an embarrassing story that James had told the whole group about me at my CLH birthday party. That incident caused me to promptly break up with James. James had apologized but we never got back together and I had said that I was not looking for a relationship but I was willing to stay friends with him.
James and I remained friends and eventually, a problem with my roommate (basically, my roommate was dating a drug dealer who started basically living in the apartment and I wanted out in case he got busted in our apartment) caused me to pack up and I moved in with James and my CLH as I had nowhere else to go other than back to the US. The three of us got along great but apparently, James was still telling the world that he never broke up with me (a total lie but he never let on that he never was over me, especially to me). For a long time, my CLH and I cleaned up James’ house and after James while James spent every waking moment playing X-Box with the excuse that he was stressed, depressed, and needed to escape reality for a while (would have been believable had it not lasted for over a year). Eventually, my CLH realized that I was nothing like anyone on the Jersey Shore cast and he and I became very close, eventually dating. James, was hurt but said he was okay with it, going as far as posting on Facebook and everywhere that he was fine with it. The only thing he said he wanted was to be the best man in our wedding which we both agreed on. My CLH and I moved out shortly after that.
We thought that everything was fine between the three of us until my CLH’s friends started saying to him “so, you stole James’ girlfriend from him. Don’t you feel like a jerk? This isn’t like you!” This threw us for a loop as we didn’t realize that he was telling everyone this and on top of that, James and I hadn’t been together for at least two years! My CLH set the story straight with them which of course made this sound like James was a nut job. James then jumped to his own defence and began saying that they misunderstood him and he set “the story straight.” After that, everyone was okay with me (I’m now friends with a majority of these people) and we thought we’d see no more drama from James. Boy were we wrong.
James began dating a girl whom I passionately have nicknamed “Bubbles”. Any time James would see me after he got together with this girl, he would essentially rub in my face that they were going on much nice dates than he ever brought me on, how they were planning a trip to Australia, and how they “slept together” after the fourth date. He also would go out of his way at get-togethers to try to make my life miserable like when he had overheard me saying that I had a job interview with a Canadian company he said “Well, you’re just wasting their time because you’re a foreign worker. No one wants to deal with the paperwork for someone like you.” When I’d get way, I’d start bawling only to tell my CLH what happened and then he would deny that he even said anything to me.
Well, now James and Bubbles are engaged and we’re apparently invited to their wedding (I refuse to go) in July. James rubbed the custom made ring (which I honestly thought was hideous and a waste of his money as I’ve seen nicer rings at Walmart) for his fiancé in my face. James called my cellphone number and had asked me if my CLH would be an usher. I said “I don’t know, you need to ask him.” James took my response as a no and he hasn’t asked my CLH to be in his wedding, which is fine by me.
Yesterday was another friendly gathering within our group of friends and James had the nerve to came to me asking if he was still best man in the wedding between me and my CLH. I ignored him this time only to have Bubbles come to me and tell me how I was being rude and a promise is a promise (I would like to point out that he promised to only look at me as a sister and I would love him like a brother after we broke up which I kept up to but I don’t think a brother treats a sister this badly) so I should have told him that he is still best man in our wedding.
I had stated to my CLH before and I’ll state it again, after my history with James, I do not want James in, much less at our wedding. He may have been the one who introduced us and be my CLH’s friend, but I’m afraid he’ll sabotage the whole wedding if we let him be in the wedding party. All of our common friends are invited and I know it will be the talk of our friends when it comes time to send out the invites. I have no problem explaining to the friends that we have in common that “due to issues, we’d rather not discuss why James and Bubbles are not invited.” My CLH thinks we should at least invite him as he’s having a problem throwing away a 15 year friendship. I just don’t want him there as I know he’ll be out to make our special day miserable for me.
We are having a destination wedding and I don’t want to run the risk that he and his wife suddenly have the money to show up at the wedding and can stay at the same resort (I wouldn’t put it past him to do it as we’ve gone to a friend’s birthday party three hours away and suddenly, he’s going even though he’s said previously that he wasn’t).
So in short, I don’t want him there, my CLH does. So what do we do? Do we invite him? Keep our promise made a long time ago before he REALLY made my life miserable? Or do we just not invite him?