Post # 1
My Fiance got a wedding invitation last week. I was named “and Guest.” He and the groom grew up together. But Fiance hates the bride. (Hate is a very strong word. In this case it is also the most accurate word.) According to Fiance the groom’s family doesn’t like the bride very much either. She hasn’t been very nice to anyone who was part of the groom’s life before the two met. The one time I met her she was pretty awful to me. The groom has always been pleasant to me.
Fiance & the groom stopped speaking in Feburary after a fight about the bride. (At the time she was a girlfriend.)
So I don’t think we’ll be going to the wedding. Fiance obviously doesn’t approve of the marriage. The bride and groom have registered for next to nothing – it seems they want cash. (I think sending cash is insulting, implying that we’re better than them. That’s the way I was raised. Fiance is on the same page.) I don’t know them well enough to pick a gift, and Fiance is really feeling ambivalent on his nicest days and downright mean towards them sometimes.
So… not sending any sort of acknowlegement of the wedding is grounds to terminate the relationship. Right? But if he really feels so strongly that the marriage is a terrible choice and he doesn’t support them, then I’m not sure what the appropriate action is. Sending a gift or card seems… hypocritcal.
What would you do?
Post # 3
Perhaps the wedding invitation was sent as a peace offering. I can’t imagine the groom would invite your Fiance if he wasn’t trying to mend fences. I can understand why he’s reticent to acknowledge the wedding due to their past, but the fact remains that you were both invited (even though the “and guest” part is annoying!) and therefore you should, at the very least, send a card. The gift is up to you, but acknowledging that you were invited by way of a congratulatory card would be the right thing to do!
Post # 4
I agree that you need to respond in some way or the relationship will be lost. I’d recommend sending a congratulatory card. If you want to include a small gift that would be great but not completely necessary. You could do a gift card to a local restaurant or movie theater.
Post # 5
@MsMindle: They know my name, as I’ve met the groom on multiple occasions and we all vactioned together (the one time I met the bride.) – I’d be even more offended if they truly forgot who I was!
Post # 6
The invitation to the wedding may be an olive branch from the groom to your Fiance. Now it is up to your Fiance and yourself to determine if this is a friendship that you want to terminate or mend it. By not sending a card or a gift you can assume that that relationship is terminated.
If you don’t want to attend, but would like to leave on amicable terms, you could send a card. Under normal circumstances I would suggest sending a gift.
Post # 7
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
If it were me, I would send a card– no gift. But it would be a blank card with a pretty image and be a carefully worded message to ensure that my feelings got across– nothing mean, and definitely nothing negative– but a “we wish you the best” message, without the lovey-dovey stuff that most cards come pre-printed with.
ETS: Can you tell I’ve had to write a few of these??? Yeah… I’ve lost more than one friend to a marriage/relationship that I didn’t agree with.
Post # 8
Send them a card and a clearance gift from Macy’s. All the summer pitchers/glasses are on clearance now! You are the more decent people in this situation so remain so. GL!
Post # 9
FI’s position on wishing them the best/congratulating them [slightly paraphrased for privacy’s sake]:
“It’s a lie. And it’s a PIA to muster the false enthusiam to when you’d rather take the groom behind the woodshed and beat some sense in to him, and tell him that the harpy is going to continue to lie and cheat and manipulate him…”
Post # 10
I think you should absolutely send a card, at the very least, to acknowledge the marriage. If you want a relationship with the groom, or if your Fiance wants to continue the relationship, it’s only polite to acknowledge his wedding, however much you dislike the bride. I would also send a small gift, maybe a gift certificate to a nice restaurant or a nice bottle of wine.
ETA: I just saw your last post… if he feels that way, maybe it’s best for him to cut off ties. If he can’t put aside his anger towards the bride to wish his friend well, then, personally that’s not someone I’d want in my life anyway if I were in the bride or groom in this situation.
Post # 11
I don’t think it’s a lie to wish them the best … I would assume that even though Fiance would like to stage a woodshed beating, he still hopes (deep down) that everything does work out for his friend as best it can. 🙂
Post # 12
It sounds like he’s willing to lose the friendship and ignore the invitation. It’s his friend, so I would let him make the final decision on that one. Been there, done that!
Post # 13
@abbie017: I agree with you on your ETA
OP, Your Fiance clearly doesn’t respect his “friend” enough to accept his decision to marry this woman and wish him the best. This sort of baffles me. If it were me, I would wish them the best (and mean it) and send a gift.
Post # 14
I’d be the bigger person, send a gift, and call it a day.
Post # 15
I would send a nice card under the circumstances.
Post # 16
– Don’t attend the wedding
– Send a card
My thought is that if it was a peace offering, the groom would’ve have at least called and apologizes or personally/verbally said “I hope you can make it”. With this in mind, I don’t think it’s worth sending a gift (unless you happen to have an excess of it, in which case, go ahead). I would do a card that wishes them well and call it a day.