Do we send 'thank you's to those who didn't even bring a card?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Would you send a thank you card to someone who didn't even bring a card to your wedding?
    Yes : (23 votes)
    21 %
    YES YOU SHOULD BE GRATEFUL THEY BOTHERED TO APPEAR , EAT YOUR FOOD AND GET DRUNK ON YOUR BOOZE. : (14 votes)
    13 %
    No : (65 votes)
    59 %
    NOPE NOPE NOPE, RUDE PEOPLE. SEND THEM SOME COAL IN THE MAIL. : (9 votes)
    8 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    9137 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    @Demi-chan:  If they traveled a great distance to attend your wedding then consider their travel expenses your gift and send them a thank you card for attending.  Otherwise, no gift, no card, no thank you.

    Post # 4
    Member
    4441 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

    @Demi-chan:  I didn’t in that case!

    Post # 5
    mswallabyBee
    2070 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2012 - Oak Tree Manor

    I did – about 10-20 people didn’t bring cards or gifts – because I wanted them to know it meant a lot to us that they were able to be there to support us on our wedding day. I think it’s the nice thing to do.

    Post # 6
    Member
    3223 posts
    Sugar bee

    @Demi-chan:  They should be thanking you for the hospitality.

    You HAVE thanked them at least twice over.  Verbally and personally when you spoke to each guest, and via your hospitality.  Sending yet another thank you is not following the rules of the most polite society.

    In fact polite guests will think you are fishing for a gift.

    Post # 7
    Member
    6964 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @Demi-chan:  There is no need to send a thank you card unless they either gave you a gift or helped with the wedding. I personally would also send one to those who didn’t give a gift but traveled a distance to be there, but it’s not necessary. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    133 posts
    Blushing bee

    I agree with @andielovesj. Don’t send a thank you card. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    7654 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    @Demi-chan:  First, put down the pen so no one gets hurt. Second, unless they spent a great deal travelling and what not then no, you do not have to send them a thank you. We had so many guests at our wedding, and the gift/card list was the only way I could remember everyone that came to the wedding except for cross country guests.

    Post # 10
    Member
    11772 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I’m a pretty big fan of no gift, no thank you. The reception was their thank you for attending the ceremony!

    Post # 11
    Member
    606 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I followed some advice on here making the point that the reception and the favor we gave (which was some pretty damn good fudge, I might add!) as the “thank you for coming.”  The thank you notes were for guests who gave a gift/card/helped with the wedding, etc.

    Post # 12
    Member
    712 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @Demi-chan: 

    *hugs* I am sorry that you feel ranty and you are in pain. Maybe you can do the thank you cards when you feel better?

    I would send thank you cards to anyone who attended your wedding, though I understand why you would not want to.

    Post # 13
    Member
    3570 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Yup, i did.   I thanked them for coming and celebrating with us.  

    Post # 14
    Member
    2878 posts
    Sugar bee

    No. I would assume the reception is already considered their gift for attending your wedding, so I would only send thank-you notes to people who gave your something on top (card, gift, money, etc.)

    Post # 15
    Member
    931 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I am going to send thank you cards to all those that attended including those that didnt give a gift.. we had a few people, who simply couldnt afford it, due to hard times and unemployment. 

    Now we had one person, who invited him self and bragged about he was going to give us some great monetary gift.. and he gave us $20.  I am appreciative of anything I recieve, but don’t invite youself and your wife and be a braggard and give $20.. People crack me up.

    Post # 16
    Member
    2878 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I was raised that thank yous are for gifts.  It would never occur to me to send a thank you to someone who didn’t bring a gift or a card.  I assume you thanked them verbally for coming during the reception.

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