Do we throw the engagement party? Or does someone else throw it for us?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

eveline:  My grandma offered to throw us an engagement party, otherwise we wouldn’t have had one. It was just this past Satuday and was actually a great time! I’ve been to one other engagement party, and the couple threw it for themselves at a hotel bar/lounge area. Everyone had to pay for their own food and drinks. I think it’s ok if you throw yourself a party as long as you don’t expect gifts or anything. Even though my grandma threw us our party, we still made it clear that we didn’t want any gifts. Some people still brought us some stuff, mostly wine, but still.

Post # 3
Member
1762 posts
Buzzing bee

eveline:  Someone throws it for you. Throwing your own is technically an etiquette faux pas. Also keep in mind that an engagement party isn’t necessary.

Post # 4
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

eveline:  I’ve seen mixed opinions on this! Some people think it’s in poor taste to throw one for yourself but in my circles everyone throws their own engagement party and pays for it themselves so I don’t bat an eyelid! I assumed before I came on the bee that that’s what everyone did because that’s all i’d ever seen before!

I’d go by what people in your area do, this sort of thing always changes from place to place! 🙂

Post # 5
Member
1762 posts
Buzzing bee

I’ve looked into my crystal ball and foresee this thread going way downhill…let the entertainment commence!

Post # 8
Member
1762 posts
Buzzing bee

eveline:  It’s a common occurrence when anything regarding etiquette comes up. People get really worked up lol!

Post # 10
Member
1701 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

eveline:  we throw our own engagement party, where I live it’s sorta kinda ok to do so. We didn’t register or anything it was just a party so we can tell people we was engaged and both family can mingle. Some people came with Gift and gift cards. 

Post # 11
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

eveline:  In Australia, it’s really common to have engagement parties, often by the couple themselves!

Our engagement is 18 months long, so a few months after getting engaged we decided to throw a party to celebrate. Our parents footed the bill, but we arranged it and planned it how we wanted and they gave us the cash towards it.

Ours was in a private function room where we had an open bar and canapes all night. Everyone except for one couple gave us a gift.

I don’t see the harm in a couple hosting an engagement party themselves! For us it was a way to get together with all our friends and family to celebrate. The gifts we received were such a nice gesture, but the guests also got a free night out with food and drinks, which cost a pretty penny!

But I don’t think the gifts and money matter… if you want to celebrate with your nearest and dearest then why the hell not?! 🙂

Post # 12
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

eveline:  Yea that’s been my experience too! My best friend and I are both planning our weddings at the moment (I’m her MOH, I’m not technically having a MOH but she’s doing those official duties for me) and we both threw our own engagement parties (our parents did help and contribute to costs but for the most part we organised them ourselves) and then our bridal parties are throwing our showers!

I think if you find that that’s what generally happens in your area or within your social groups then it’s perfectly fine to do that too! 🙂 It can get confusing on the bee with so many different opinions – it’s great on one hand because you get some wonderful ideas but when I get really confused by conflicting ideas on etiquette etc I just go with what is generally done/expected in my social groups!

Post # 13
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

I didn’t have an engagement party but I’ve had friends throw their own. If you don’t want people to feel they need to bring gifts keep it casual and send invites via email or something

Post # 14
Member
1209 posts
Bumble bee

My parents threw me one, had close family there and then we invited our friends to show up later and join the festivities…

TheLadyA :  ours was also 7 months after we got engaged… that could totally start something haha. We were engaged for almost 3 years and didn’t set a date for about 6 months, and then my parents threw the party, kind of like a STD party to because we announced the date there.

Post # 15
Member
6859 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Traditional etiquette says that  an engagement party  is where the parents of the bride, or these days any close family or friends throw the party and announce the engagement as a surprise.  Any expectation of gifts is intentionally bypassed. More liberal etiquette allows for announcing the purpose of the party ahead of time. Engagement gifts were never a  thing except possibly from your nearest and dearest. In either case, past childhood, it is not considered appropriate to throw a self congratulatory, gift giving event. 

http://www.mercurynews.com/ci_23427373/miss-manners-friend-who-skipped-bridal-events-doesnt

http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/youre-engaged/343-when-is-it-appropriate-to-have-an-engagement-party

 

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