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Do we use a honeymoon registry if FI and I are doing a destination wedding with no guests? Just read about this type of registry today as I'm calculating the costs of our Wedding. Sounds like a interesting idea.
I don't understand what you mean. Who will buy you "gifts" from the registry if you're not having guests?
I don't understand... A registry is for your guests to look at and decide which gift they would like to purchase for you, or what they can donate some money to.
But no guests = no registry...
Our family and friends all know we are getting married and ask if we are registered anywhere. What things we would like. I tell them no we hadnt thought of registering this time around. Just curious on the honeymoon registry was all.
@JenSomerville: In your case I don't think it is appropriate. HM registries are not really meant to be used to offset the wedding cost. Also they will take a portion of your gifts. I'd let the cards fall where they may. People can always gift cash if they are so inclined to give a gift.
@andielovesj: I agree completely. Aside from the fact that they are poor etiquette and tacky in general, they aren't used for people to pay for your wedding.
@redheadem: Sorry, I don't mean to be harsh. I just hate the honeyfund/wishing well/asking for money route. It's rude, and I think too many people to do them. I get really offended when I see things like that on invitations and actually give substantially less for a gift for those than I would had they not asked. I don't care if you use my gift towads your honeymoon, but don't outright ask me to pay for it. And in this case, asking me to actually pay for your wedding, I think that's in poor taste.
Yeah ouch... it's all good! I think I didn't explain myself in the begining when I mentioned calculating the cost of the wedding. I was in no way saying I want others to help pay. My FI and I have already paid for everything. Didn't accept any help from our families since all have helped with both previous weddings. This wedding is our dream.
So since I kept getting asked if we are registered I took to the boards. I just happen to stumble accross a post about honeymoon registries and thought wow that would be interesting. Never heard of it before. And I see the oh so many opinions people have on them. That's good though. What works for some doesn't work for others.
Personally...I would love to buy someone a gift off a honeymoon registry. Even if it was just for a couple massage or bottle of wine. Its a fun different idea is all.
We used Honeyfund and we love it. I don't think its poor taste. To each its own. I think its the best way to not ask for money but help pay for honeymoon stuff. I think its a great idea so we used it on our wedding registry, along with other sites.
@JenSomerville: I personally think they're in poor taste generally, but I'm not as opposed to them if there's also a traditional registry (even if it's small).
But you said you're not having any guests? Does that mean you're eloping? If so, I think a honeymoon registry is less acceptable. Given that your friends/family won't be part of the wedding, registering for items that you'll only be able to use on your honeymoon once, seems a bit off in my opinion. Instead, I'd suggest registering for items that they'll be able to enjoy too so they feel a part of your wedded life: items you'll be able to use hosting your friends for dinner, linens for your bed, etc.
@zagora No we aren't eloping. All our family and friends are very excited and in favor of our marriage. Its nothing like that. We just thought it was beautiful to travel to the Cayman Islands and get married. Knowing we couldn't afford to bring 4 children, family and friends who wouldnt be able to afford the expense either so we decided this route with everyones blessing.
Since all family members have asked about a registry, I say go for it!!! They obviously want to contribute something, they are supporting you. I don't think it's tacky at all. If their asking how to help, it's not like your sending it out and screaming for everyone you know to contribute, just the ones who ask. My cousin did this, I had no issues contributing to a honey fund. I actually saw it as a way to help the couple start married life with a beautiful honeymoon. Do what's right for you and FI and your family.
@JenSomerville: So was "wedding was no guests" a typo?
If you have some guests, I'd recommend setting up two registries if you do want to do a honeymoon registry. Give people options since there are some strong opinions against honeymoon registries, and others who are neutral or in favor.
Well, I guess I'm just tacky and rude. We're looking for a house and have no idea what we will need. People seem to be ok with us having our 'new home' registry. People obviously support your decision to celebrate your way. Just publicize the registry to the people who ask and everyone else will give you cash.
@Natinat6: While what you're doing isn't as traditional, I think it's a lot different than a honeymoon registry because people are still giving you a gift that will be used in your home.
I think what some bristle as is that a honeymoon is seen as less necessary than the staples people register for, or that they would prefer to invest in something that you'll use regularly in your home for years to come.
I think what naysayers oppose is that you are registering for cash. At least that is what bothers me.
@abbie017: I totally disagree, I love it when couples have a honeymoon registry. I'd much rather gift a couple an "experience" than a bowl they might never use.
Each to their own I guess but I think calling them 'tacky in general' is a bit harsh!
@zagora: Ya we set up two registries. We've lived together for years and don't really need much. Our wedding is also OOT and a lot of people will be flying so we wanted to give them other options. And I personally LOVE gifting couples "experiences" from their honeymoon registries way more than giving them things!!
If you're not having guests than it doesn't really make sense to have a registry.
@abbie017: Hey now, it's a little hurtful to tell anyone that their registry is "tacky and rude". People probably thought that wedding registries themselves were tacky and rude when they began, and now it's standard fare.
I'm doing a honeymoon registry and frankly, I would be way more excited about buying a couple an experience than a toaster (toasters are lame, SCUBA diving in the Caribbean is not). It all depends on what you need--my fiance and I have been living together for almost six years so we have an entire household of stuff, and the only reason we would register for real stuff is to upgrade.
We used http://www.buy-our-honeymoon.com/ and loved it, as did our guests. We got incredible responses from our guests, and if any of them disliked it, they kept it to themselves. So many people went out of their way to tell us how awesome it was, and how much they preferred buying us an experience over buying us a plate set or tea kettle or something. I know I'd prefer getting someone something off a honeymoon registry over a traditional registry. I disagree that if you aren't having guests you shouldn't have a registry. I don't think you should send everyone a postcard saying "buy us stuff!" but if people are telling you that they want to get you something, it makes sense to streamline by starting a honeymoon registry that you can just link them to. I think a lot of the women on these boards are more traditional and judgmental than guests when it comes to wedding norms, to be honest. Go for it! And have an amazing time at your destination wedding!
I say heck with being "TRADITIONAL"! To me traditional is boring. I'm all about having fun and trying new things. I've enjoyed the process of planning my wedding and not experiencing any stress along the way. We are having the wedding we want not what others want. This is our day! So far the only negativity I've gotten was posting this thread. Regisrty or not...it's up to our friends and family what they decide to gift us. Like said before it's a fun option to choose from and I would totally support any couple in helping them have a fabulous honeymoon.
@JenSomerville: I'm glad you made the best decision for you. I'm sorry if my post(s) came off as overly negative; I personally am very opposed to these, but that is my very traditional opinion. I like traditional, and I'm the first to admit that. If your friends/family are receptive, then go for it! Like I said, it's not what I would choose, but it's your wedding, so your opinion is the only one that matters! :)
@abbie017: Thank you. Thats very kind of you!
I understand not wanting to be traditional, but I don't agree that it means you should knowingly do things that will offend people.
I don't *love* the idea of a honeymoon registry, and I think in some situations I'd be okay with it, but, in your situation, I'd be pretty offended, TBH. I don't think anyone's trying to offend you, just save you from offending friends and family members and/or hurting feelings of those close to you. I think we all want to avoid that, right?
Not to sure what's offensive? All it is is an option.
@JenSomerville: Giving money is always an option, I don't think people need reminded that they can give you money if they want. Why would I be offended? Because you either chose not to invite people, or people couldn't afford to attend your wedding, but you're still asking them to help fund it and/or a vacation directly after it? You asked if you should do a honeymoon registry, and people responded how they would feel if you did one. This may or may not be an accurate representation of how your friends/family will feel, but it's at least worth considering.
Ehh I have to admit, this would be really poor form. No guests=no gifts. Honeymoon registries are already questionable enough, IMHO. Good luck!
I have asked about a registry before on a board as well and got tons of irate responses. To be honest there is not a single thing that you will ever do that won't offend one person or another. My FH and I are pragmatic and don't need extra stuff. We are also not materialistic in the least. We have lived together for 3 years. All of our friends know that we LOVE to travel. So those who really know and love us would want to give us a gift we would cherish, such as an experience, not another blender.
I personally don't think they are tacky. I don't care that "I'm paying for their honeymoon". It's not really like that. Besides you are not asking people for money, they are inquiring if YOU are registered somewhere. Buying one evening in a nice hotel isn't really paying for their honeymoon. Besides, if I truly care about these people and want to honor them with a gift, who cares what I'm buying. If they want to go sky diving I'm all for it.
@jinh: I see where you're coming from, and I'm glad that worked for you. I guess what confuses me about this thought process, though, is that, if you're close enough to all your guests that they know you love to travel & don't need material gifts, wouldn't they know to give you money? Why do you have to ask them for it?
I guess that's just how I feel about it. And, yeah, you're always gonna offend someone, but you don't need to do something that will offend someone if it's not necessary. JMO.
@jinh: I think you have good reasoning, but I hope you do see the other side as well. I personally don't like the honeyfund idea because it flat-out asks guests to pay for the honeymoon. I don't care if my check goes towards it, I just don't like being asked to pay for it upright. You are right in saying you won't please everyone, but hot button issues like this tend to stir up issues.
For what it's worth, FI and I have lived together for 2 years, and we have everything we need as well. But we will be registering for things we'd like to have, or upgrades. Our parents also know we're saving for a downpayment on a house, so they are going to spread the word that way. In my opinion, registering for your honeymoon is rude to guests - but that's just my opinion, and you are welcome to yours. Just acknowledge that there is another side full of valid opinions! :)
@les105: Its the idea of having an option. Rather then just writing a check out or putting cash in and envelope this gives people "who have asked" an idea of what to put that cash towards.
This no guests = no gifts in my opinion is wrong. If a friend or family member is getting married regardless of if i'm invited or not invited, guests or no guests, I care about them and I am all over wishing them well and sending them a gift.
We didn't do one. I'm just saying it doesn't sound offensive or tacky to me and makes sense when applied to our specific situation. Also, people are asking the OP where she is registered. She isn't asking them to pay. They are asking her how to contribute. Also, if you have friends who want to contribute but aren't able to do alot financially, I think it works for everyone. I would be embarassed if all I could give was $10 in an envelope, but if there is something specifically on the registry that is $10 I wouldn't feel bad because it's what they wanted. I think it's a way for people to feel connected to your great experience that you are going to have. I could give you $100 bucks and never know anything about it or I can buy you a bottle of champagne at a romantic dinner.
@jinh: Yes, they asked her where she registered, they didn't say "How do I write you a check?" If they wanted to give her money to spend on her honeymoon, they would have given her money. Maybe some people like the physical act of purchasing and wrapping a gift, and would like to know what she'd prefer for them to wrap up. I feel like asking where you registered is asking for an option other than money. IMO, I feel that a honeymoon registry is the same thing as asking for money. If you and your family/friends don't feel that way, that's fine, and it's a legitimate opinion just as my opinion is legitimate.
Be Happy Brides!!! We are all on these boards for ideas and suggestions.
Some people are traditional and to each their own. I'm merely stating that going to a store to look at a registry and saying, "Hmmm. Do I buy a toaster, china, sheets, or silverware?" is any different than looking at a registry and saying, "Hmmm. Do I buy a bottle of wine, rent the couple some bicycles for a day, put flowers in their hotel room, or buy them dinner?
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