(Closed) Do weddings really confuse people?

posted 8 years ago in Beehive
Post # 3
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

Are you saying it irritates you that some weddings have signs etc in place to explain to guests what they should do, where they should go, what they should expect? I can’t really agree with that, because even if people are in general intelligent, well-grounded individuals, it really doesn’t hurt to put a sign or something in place to help out those who might be distracted, confused, have never seen a particular thing before, or just in general to help guests feel comfortable and secure. I guess I don’t see what’s wrong with encouraging couples who are planning weddings to provide as much information as possible to their guests. I know I have some extremely intelligent friends but I would not at all be surprised if some of them got into their cars the morning of the wedding and realized they’d forgotten which way to turn to get to the venue, or where they were supposed to park, or how formally they were supposed to have dressed, etc. Sometimes even brilliant people can have braindead moments! A little guidance doesn’t hurt.

Post # 4
Member
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

Just curious, are you referring to a particular article or the signs that couples post?

I’ve found that many people DO make “mistakes” in understanding traditional wedding etiquette, or else they expect every single wedding to be the same. 

I’ve known plenty of people to swap an uninvited guest for an invited one, to RSVP for more guests than they were given, to take the centerpieces instead of the favors, etc. I think most of it has to do with not having planned a wedding themselves, when you don’t realize just how much stress the planning is. 

Post # 5
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

lol I know exactly what you mean!  The last straw for me that drove me away from the knot boards was on a post about transportation.  These women (and it was several) were insisting that it was very rude not to have transportation lined up to take guests from the ceremony to the reception, even when the venues were very close together.  They were seriously saying things like “Well, how will they know where to go?” “How will they find a ride if you don’t provide one?”  “What if they get lost?” “What if they take a detour and come in late?”

Uh, hello! These are ADULTS who get themselves from point A to point B on a regular basis in their day to day lives.  Just because it’s a wedding doesn’t mean they forget how to drive a car or call a cab or read a map or be at a location on time.  And it certainly doesn’t make a bride RUDE not to hold their hand through the scary task of going a few miles down the road from the church to the hall.

But then I realized that on that board, not spending money on any and everything you possibly can, is considered rude 😉

edit: I also firmly believe that only about 25% of the “oh, I didn’t know I couldn’t just bring my uninvited guest” people are actually clueless.  The rest know they’re wrong, but are playing dumb in the hopes of getting away with it 😉

Post # 6
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

@greenleafmountain: Haha, I do concede on that point; I have never grasped the concept of “wedding transportation.” I can see providing a shuttle if you’re worried your guests will need a sober way to get to the hotel, but other than that, really? I need to figure out how everyone is getting from place to place all day? I’m pretty sure they can all handle it, and the most I need to do is plan on starting the ceremony 10 minutes late because I know all my friends will fail to arrive punctually.

Post # 8
Member
2829 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Ugh.

I hate hate hate it when the MC/DJ narrates every.little.thing. I’m sorry, but most people know what a receiving line is, or that once the 1st dances are over that the floor is fair game for everyone. Sure there are individuals who have never been to a wedding before, and might not know, but I think, as adults, most people catch on pretty quick (by watching others/deduction), and most people know how to discreetly ask questions too.

I am in total agreement, it is just plain rude to treat guests like children (unless they are children!).

 

Post # 9
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@Selene221: I totally get you with the little poems created for the bathroom baskets (among other things). I’ve seen brides on the boards literally stressing out that guests will not realize that the items are for their use, or that their guests would steal the items, and needed to be gently reminded to leave some for the others! I mean, seriously? First of all, your guests are not going to steal a handful of breath-mints and safety pins, and if they do, a little poem is not going to stop them. 

In general, I’m all for little signs, like labeling food at the buffet, or an arrow pointing to the reception. But guests are intelligent, functioning human beings who can get from point A to point B without a shuttle (although convenient), and how to sign the guest book, and to not steal the bathroom basket!

Post # 10
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

@phxgal10: haha, What do you mean I’m supposed to leave some for others? I always thought the stuff in the bathroom basket was left there as a gift specifically and exclusively for me!

Post # 11
Member
711 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Even though we are all adults – sometimes I think its cute – the effort that brides go to when they write a silly explanation poem. It definitely doesnt bug me or ruin my night.

Post # 12
Member
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I understand what you are saying but I don’t really care one way or the other. Sometimes I think little signs are a part of a cohesive-ness that brides want to emulate. For example, if they have a sign for one thing they want to have a sign for everything or maybe it is just another excuse for them to use their monogram or logo or fun font that they love. Whatever it is I think it’s a personal choice. I dont think that these things would be missed by guests nor do I think that guests will be annoyed that they are there. Also, sometimes it’s just nice to have a reaffirmation of certain things – for example with bathroom baskets I might put something that says “Please help yourself compliments of bride and groom” just because some people might see the stuff and be hesitant to use it because they arent sure why its there. I think directions and signs with arrows pointing to wherever the reception or cocktail hour is are very helpful. I dont think normal guestbooks need any sort of explanation but what about a wish tree/bowl or one where you have to leave a little thumprint and sign your name. Sometimes directions are necessary! Also – I was at a wedding about 4 months ago and the guestbook was out on a podium and some people DID ask “Is this the guestbook, I guess we are supposed to sign it?” So if there was a sign there wouldnt have been any questions.

I guess Im just saying why do you care if people do this. It seems like it is a personal preference and if you dont want to do it then dont, but dont knock others who feel like this type of thing adds a little extra special touch!

Post # 13
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I don’t get the “why do you care what other brides do!?” comments.  I don’t think the OP is saying that other brides are bad or patronizing when they do this, just that the implication by a lot of media that it is necessary is a little ridiculous.

A cute map or sign can be a nice thing, but we need to get away from the idea that brides who don’t want to do them are somehow negligent in their duties as hostesses.

Post # 14
Member
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I agree that a cute map or sign is cute but unnecessary. I do not however agree that it is insulting in some way. It is just a way for brides to personalize the event. It is not meant to elevate your blood pressure though!

Post # 15
Member
3098 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Our wedding guests might as well have been a herd of cats. Sometimes, the guests do act like they don’t know what they’re doing.

Post # 16
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

@afuturemrsl:  That’s exactly what I’m talking about.  No one on this thread is saying that’s it’s insulting, but posters keep putting words into the OPs mouth.  She is not upset at the brides who have signs, but at the wedding industry that says that brides without signs are not doing what they are supposed to do, and tries to make them feel guilty by telling them that their guests will be confused when obviously the guests will be fine. 

What is ridiculous is not the fact that someone might have a poem explaining their bathroom basket, but that if some bride says that she is choosing not to have a poem, the reaction is always “What!? The how will your guests know what to do!?”

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